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hopefulempathy · May 21, 2015, 03:27 PM

Don't understand why I can't delete.

Wondergirl · May 21, 2015, 03:33 PM

Why don't you transfer and pay schooling costs yourself? Why do you need your stepfather's permission?

tickle · May 21, 2015, 03:42 PM

You are 20, why do you have to defer to your STEPdad ? Is he footing the bill ?

effectively express yourself to him ? You would know him better the us ?

hopefulempathy · May 21, 2015, 03:54 PM

Yes, he's helping me pay. I'm more than willing to get a second job to help as well. I have considered just leaving and finding my own way to pay for school, but he can be absolutely insane and I know he would end up blaming it on my mom, like he does with all of my failures. I just don't know what would happen if he didn't feel like he had control of my life. He's definitely abusive and has an anger problem, but he's gotten better over the past two or three years in my eyes.

Wondergirl · May 21, 2015, 04:00 PM

If you go to (or before you go to) a less expensive school, talk with financial aid about how to reduce your obligations (student loans, on- or off-campus work, etc.), and talk with your mom and stepdad, this could work in your favor and save him money.

tickle · May 21, 2015, 04:07 PM

Then discuss this with yr mom, tell her you want to move on and be an individual to pursue yr own goals in life.

Get et a part time job, take control because you are making excuses for yourself and not doing what you have to do.

Thank him for his support.

smoothy · May 21, 2015, 04:12 PM

Unless you pay the bill COMPLETELY on your own (and its way too late for that now) the person paying it gets to decide where because that's money they no longer have for their retirement. You may not understand or appreciate how much that is yet... but you will one day soon.

Plus there are other significant expenses that go with college or any school where you can't stay at home.

It honestly sounds disrespectful the way you are talking about all of this. There are many, MANY other people that would have loved to have their schools paid for... ANYWHERE, because their parents did not have the financial ability to even help.

talaniman · May 21, 2015, 04:57 PM

For one you don't have the power to delete your question once posted, and honestly its very disingenuous to delete the text especially after you have responses, which I guess you don't like. I urge you to return the original text.

Cat1864 · May 21, 2015, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by hopefulempathy

Yes, he's helping me pay. I'm more than willing to get a second job to help as well. I have considered just leaving and finding my own way to pay for school, but he can be absolutely insane and I know he would end up blaming it on my mom, like he does with all of my failures. I just don't know what would happen if he didn't feel like he had control of my life. He's definitely abusive and has an anger problem, but he's gotten better over the past two or three years in my eyes.

Understand that I am having to guess at your needs because you changed your question. My advice is based on the responses plus this post and what I remember reading earlier.

I think you need to talk to your mother about your fear that he will 'abuse' her because your decisions. Does she share the same perception of the situation/fear that you do?

This is something you need to think about: Is your concern about his behavior an excuse not to follow your own path?

Frankly, I think it says a lot that you edited your question so that it renders the responses you have been given moot. Is that how you handle communicating with your step-father? Do you resort to being somewhat immature when it comes to talking with him?

A suggestion, if you disagree with the advice given, please explain why you think it is inaccurate and/or give us a clarification. Our advice is based on what you tell us.

tickle · May 21, 2015, 05:48 PM

So where is this gong now. IS she rescinding ?

smoothy · May 21, 2015, 07:54 PM

In a nutshell, She got upset because she felt entitled to a free fully paid PHD anywhere she wanted to go at stepdads expense without any strings what-so-ever and without stepdad putting any conditions on anything or saying anything she didn't want to hear. Something no parent I have known would allow. And was using some medical problems she suffers from as an excuse.

I need to start quoting every new members thread I answer to mitigate this sort of thing in the future.