[Eric_soumyeah]

Alright, some context. I'm 24 years old and I've been in a relationship with a girl my age about 8 months. Things have been awesome. We've gone backpacking together, we do athletic endeavors together, and we like talking about spirituality and self-growth. She is easily my dream girl, my soul mate, my twin flame. This is where the "but" comes into play.
BUT
I feel unfulfilled. In these last 8 months, I started school again and started taking fitness more seriously. I've been working less and focusing on activities outside of work. I used to do a lot of standup comedy and take trips out of town but I don't really have time for those things as much anymore. Any money I am making I feel like I need to be putting away to build this future she and I keep talking about. The future where I finish school and we move away together to pursue school. She's a self-starter. She has a degree and makes great money and still wants more. I'm a bartender who's pursuing becoming a pilot. This is a beautiful future, of course.
Things feel different nowadays. I don't always feel that spark in our relationship like I used to. I get this gut feeling that something is off. What is it? Do I need to be focusing on myself more? What the heck does that even mean? I'm taking care of myself but I don't always feel like I'm having fun. I'm not doing all the "fun" stuff I used to ie. getting drunk and chasing girls. Which is a good thing. I want a real relationship with someone.
I know that means work. I know that means that things aren't always going to feel like cloud 9 and that I need to just ride it out. Sometimes I just feel boring though and I feel like it's taking a toll on our relationship.
So I brought it up to her. Communication is good. Being vulnerable is good. I told her "I feel boring sometimes and I'm not quite sure what it is but something feels different about us". She told me that maybe I need time to myself. Some time to think about what I want. She also said that I don't need to fill the silence all the time with conversation. That we can just be quiet together sometimes. But the "being quiet together sometimes" is precisely the thing that makes me feel uncomfortable most when we're together.
I'm dumb and 24. My last "big" relationship was years ago and pretty toxic. Since then I started to act more independently. I started investing less in romantic relationships and more into my self. Now I'm trying to invest in a romantic relationship, my relationship with myself, with friends, family, etc. I'm overwhelmed and unfulfilled. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I feel like I'm going to sabotage this relationship by telling her my insecurities. I'm seeking counseling if that's any consolation.
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to shy away from this relationship because I'm scared. I'll never grow if I do that. I don't want to hurt her either with me voicing my doubts and concerns.
Is there any helpful advice out there?

[talaniman]

Give yourself a break young guy, as you have a ways to go it seems to understand YOURSELF. 8 months is just enough time for the lust to fade and you can take stock to understand the person your with better. I don't think it's about her as it is how you view yourself. Forget the future my friend and enjoy the NOW as you learn about YOURSELF. Of course conselling is a good idea for now, but as you grow, you will find your path and see if indeed you go with her or without her on this journey.

SCARY ain't it? Doubt that changes much, but you will learn how to deal with your feelings better and that's the whole key. Dealing with your own confusing junk as you build the life that you (TRY TO) enjoy. Eat Right, Sleep Right is a start to getting it right, and make sure there are no medical or health issues you didn't know about.

Maybe her dreams and ambitions are not really yours but it sounds great and you can't help but be enthused somewhat, but maybe feel inadequate that the juices don't keep you excited enough 24/7. Maybe your just not that ready for FUTURE stuff so relax and enjoy what you have until you don't. Slow down and smell the roses, and give it thought.

PS


If just being an honest YOU ruins things then make adjustments. That's what we all have to do at one point in our lives or another. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, so we learn and adjust some more. Are you in pilot school/training NOW? If not why not?

[Eric_soumyeah]

Thank you, Talaniman. This is eye-opening. I will definitely relax a bit and enjoy the now. It seems so simple, but it's real easy to forget.
As for your question, I'm finishing up my Associates Degree here in a couple months and then am jumping on my private pilots license.