[--Charles--]

I also suggest you start making yourself more available for other girls.
- Hang out on Friday nights at football games or the movie theaters
- sign up for a bunch of sites like myspace, Facebook, friendster, this site, Xat, chatango, etc. to make yourself more available online
- Figure out what you want to be when you grow older and then look into it
- Learn to breakdance (he he I'm a prime example of that)
- Learn what went wrong in the past relationship (both sides) and make sure you don't repeat or you avoid the past mistakes.

[Hazel1220]

Go for a walk, no matter how down you are feeling, getting outside and walking and circulating your blood will always make you feel better.

[hazee]

If your religious go to church, great place for sorting your head out and putting things in perspective,

[Llisa]

I really liked the suggestion of doing things you've always wanted to but never have. I'm going to write out a list and start doing them. At the top of my list are learning to sew and going on a contiki tour!

Also regarding the List of things to do after a breakup, I suggest:

- meditating
- getting your legs waxed at a salon
- going swimming (this is my favourite thing to do, it is so relaxing and revitalising at the same time). Or even just floating on your back is good.
- someone already suggested this, but I'll say it again, give yourself a make over; get a new haircut and wardrobe (or a few new outfits)
- get a massage (this is so relaxing and can tune you back into your body)

And for those that need to, go see a counselor for that extra bit of help.

[Newguy2009]

Emotionally, the stress of a breakup may linger. Some important things to remember:


1.Stay active and try to maintain a balance of a healthy diet with equal amounts of sleep and exercise.


2.Try not to isolate yourself. Indulge in social activities with friends and family in order to keep your mind off your loss and to focus on moving on with your life.


3.Talking about the heartbreak can sometimes speed the recovery process. Many people seek out a therapist however talking to others going through similar situations can help.


4.Allow time to heal the wounds.

[andywill63]

Hi All,

Im new to this site and before I go in to the guide I just wanted to say what a fantastic job everyone is doing, keep up the good work.

Im going to share with you a few things that have been helping me deal with my breakup, some of the techniques below may seem a little 'alternative' but please have an open mind and try them out as they can really help.


I have had a few significant and heart breaking breakups and am going through one at the moment, one constructive thing that I did get out of these is researching the psychological and physical effects and learning how to deal with them. I have studied cognitive behavioral therapy, Neuro Linguistic programming, meditation, hypnotherapy and all sorts of other techniques to help me deal with my breakups and I want to share the best techniques I have come across with you all as I really feel for anyone who is going through the same thing as me.

I have put in some links to books / audio books that I have found helpful, I don't make any money out of these links and they are just here as recommendations, just in case you were wondering.

I haven't mentioned the no contact rule below, there is enough information and discussion on here about it and it's really down to you if you want to follow it or not, but my opinion is that you should do no contact for at least a month if not more, it is incredibly difficult and I have broken this myself on more that one occasion.

Also please let me know any feedback on the below techniques.


Step 1 - Emergency treatment right after a breakup. Get your breathing sorted


When you break up with someone who meant a lot to you, you literally go in to shock and your body enters it's 'fight or flight' mode. You get anxious and panicky and have that awful knot in your stomach. One thing you probably don't realise that it also messes up your breathing, you start to shallow breathe which increases anxiety and panicky feelings and it's those feelings which contribute to you wanting to pick up the phone, email, text or someway get hold of your ex which we all know is not a good thing to do straight away.

You can read more here - Shallow breathing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


The good news is you can significantly decrease these feelings by getting your breathing sorted. Correct breathing will help relax your body and mind which is essential helping you deal with the first stages of a breakup.

Firstly you need to make time at least twice per day to do the techniques below, more if possible especially in the early days after a breakup.

Technique 1 - Breathing from the diaphragm

1. Lie on your back on a flat surface or in bed, with your knees bent and your head supported. You can use a pillow under your knees to support your legs. Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just below your rib cage. This will allow you to feel your diaphragm move as you breathe.
2. Breathe in slowly through your nose so that your stomach moves out against your hand. The hand on your chest should remain as still as possible.

3. Tighten your stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale through pursed lips The hand on your upper chest must remain as still as possible.

Technique 2 - The relaxing breath.

This technique was taken from the following audio book which I totall recommend -

Amazon.com: Breathing: The Master Key to Self Healing (The Self Healing Series) (9781564557261): Andrew Weil: Books

This is a power technique which relaxes the body and mind, you should only do this for 4 breath cycles however.

1) Put your tongue so the tip is touching the top set of front teeth.
2) Practice breathing out through your mouth around your tongue so you are comfortable with this
3) You need to memorise this next bit before trying it,

Breath in through your nose to a count of 4
Hold the breath for a count of 7
Breath out around your tongue to a count of 8

Repeat 4 times ONLY.

After this, you should have a somewhat euphoric relaxed feeling, do this twice per day, I recommend first thing in the morning and last thing at night.



Step 2 - Calm the mind and stop obsessing

I suffer from this a lot, I can't stop thinking about my ex - what is she doing? who is she with? can I get her back? Do I want her back? The list is basically endless. However this kind of thinking is destructive and if your not careful can turn in to an obsession, this kind of thinking also holds you back and gives your ex a power over you even though they are not around and stops you getting on with even the most basic tasks.

So how do you stop thinking about your ex?

Well I'm afraid this isn't easy and it takes a lot of practice. Also you will have thoughts about your ex popping in to your mind from time to time, this is natural and you can't stop this, but what you can stop is getting caught up by it. With practice thoughts about your ex can float through your mind like a cloud across the sky, with no bad feelings and no need for you to get drawn in to it.


Technique 1 - meditate

For some of you this may sounds a bit freaky or weird, but please try it as it can really help calm you mind and stop those annoying arguments in your head. Also if you want to get your ex back or move on with your life you need to be in control of your mind and your emotions.

I recommend reading or listening to Pema Chodron if you are interested in learning more.

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times: Amazon.co.uk: Pema Chodron: Books

Basic meditation technique

Again do this at least twice per day for at least 15 minutes, more if you are able. This meditation is very simple but also very difficult at the same time.

First get comfortable, and sit upright so your spine is straight. Next close your eyes and place your attention on your breath. You can notice your stomach going in and out or the air passing your nostrils, just try and hold you attention wherever you experience your breath.

Now for most of us, within a second or two a thought or an image or a sound will pop in to our mind, when you notice this happen try and return your full attention to your breath.

That is basically it, by doing this you are training your mind and your thoughts and not getting caught up in destructive images, conversations, arguments with your ex, the more you practice this the calmer you mind will become and thoughts of your ex will loose their grip over you.

Technique 2 - Use NLP to help eliminate jealously or bad thoughts about your ex.

This book helped a lot with this.

How to Mend Your Broken Heart: Amazon.co.uk: Paul McKenna, Hugh Willbourn: Books

This tip really helps if you keep getting hurtful images of your ex in you mind all the time and it upsets you.

The thing to do is notice the image in your head, is it a still image or is it a moving image?

Can you see yourself in the image? Or is the image through your own eyes?

If you can't see yourself in the image I want you to zoom out so you can, this will help disassociate yourself and make it feel like you are watching someone else in this situation and not yourself.

Next I want you to take all the colour out of the image so it is now black and white, notice how you feel.

Next put a big frame around the image and imagine it hanging on a wall.

Then move away form the image and the wall so that it is now just a dot in your mind.

Notice how you feel now, the intense feeling should have gone away and it should now be almost impossible to have the same image bother you again.


Step 3 - Get outside

Sunlight is good for you in moderation and good for your mood, so go out for a walk or even sit outside and read or listen to music, make sure you go out at least once each day.

Step 4 - Exercise

You have probably heard this one before, exercise releases endorphins, reduces depression and helps you feel better about yourself. The other benefit is you will be making yourself look a whole lot better which will no doubt help you find a new mate or make your ex realise what they are missing


Step 5 - Laugh again

Go out with your friends, go watch a funny movie, see a comedy show and start to realise you can have fun without your ex.

Step 6 - Do something new

You need to break your old habits and re-program your brain, doing new things will help achieve this. Learn a new language, take a course, do yoga, do martial arts just do something you have never done before, you'll feel a whole lot better and have more self confidence.



Ok that's it for now, I'll add some more another time.

I hope these help some of you, all the best.

Andy.