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fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 07:11 AM

Hi there. I would like to get some opinions on anyone with expienece in our situation. Our son is in 7th grade , suppose to be going on to 8 th grade and we are considering holding him back, but are unsure yet. Need a little help; Let me give you some back ground; He does have other issues going on that I feel I should address to be able to get accurate opions; He came to live with us full time 6 years ago , before that he missed a lot of school and was diagnosed with social impairement w/ ADD. We have never let him used his ADD as a crutch and he does not take medication, we felt bringing him into a home with structure and discipline was our first step. He is a bright young man, but lazy when it comes to his schooling. We get online for his grade every week and give him his grade and missing assignments, how we used to do it was be right on top of him, making sure he did it, checking up, etc. This year he got an attitude with us and told us he wanted us to back off , we talked to a couple teachers and we did just that. Like I said we would give him his assignments , grades and missing assignments still, but would not hound him, per his request. He contunies to have missing assignments , all f's, terrible attitude . He is very immature for his age, he is 13, but in my opinion acts about 10 amybe 11, his resource room teach believes he acts around 9 sometimes 8. Even after we have discussed with holding him back and how serious we are about this and told him he needs to step up his game he seems to not crae or try. I am busting my butt every night because there is only a week left of school and I would love to see those grade move up, I' not asking for A's, B's not even C's at this point, but an effort, he contunies to accumulate more missing assignments and when we try to talk to him about it he gets an attitude and tries to blame shift. We are very torn what to do , no one wants to see their child held back, this is a life changing decision and we would like some help. Thank you, concernd parents

ballengerb1 · May 27, 2010, 08:57 AM

So do you believe holding him back will motivate him to step up, most school psychologists will disagree on that. Most school will not agree to hold a child back in 7th grade especially with an ADD diagnois. The terms you used lead me to think he is in some type of Special Eduication program which is supposed to be tailored to meet his needs no matter what grade level number is use. Am I right on this so far? Back to you

Kitkat22 · May 27, 2010, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by ballengerb1

So do you believe holding him back will motivate him to step up, most school psychologists will disagree on that. Most school will not agree to hold a child back in 7th grade especially with an ADD diagnois. The terms you used lead me to think he is in some type of Special Eduication program which is supposed to be tailored to meet his needs no matter what grade level number is use. Am I right on this so far? Back to you

Why do you not want him on medication? I see nothing wrong with it if it helps him. ADD is not something that goes away. I've known children who from the moment they walk into a classroom you can tell if they have taken their medicine. They are very disruptive which in turn disrupts the other children in the class. There are also children, just like your child who try their best to learn and listen, but who are distracted very easily.

I know you hurt for your child as I have seen other parents hurt for theirs... talk to a pediatrician and let him explain what medication for ADD can do,the good and bad aspects of the meds. As for keeping him back if you and his teachers feel it's going to benefit him, then yes I would. Good Luck and Blessings to you. I Do know how hard this is for you.. I really do... Kit

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 09:45 AM

Yes, he does have special help and an IEP done on a regular basis. I am not sure what to thin or believe my hopes is that he will step up, this has been an ongoing battle. I have read where pyschologist believe it is not in the best interest and other believ it may be in their best interest because it is ADHD not ADD, I am sorry I mistyped that. He has no learning disabilites what so ever. We have tried so many different avenues with him, special help (IEP) , tutoring, counsling, changing some of our parenting ( as you read above) per his wishes. He just gives up, that is the dilema we are facing. Do we let him go on and just become more behind? Some article I have read say he should not be help back because of his peers, but the majority were stating that if he is that immature and he has to be the center of attention affecting his school because he focuses more "socially" than academically than it is best to have him repeat ?

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 09:48 AM

I need for everyone to know I made a mistake in my typing, he does not have ADD he has ADHD the dr stated that it is only the hyperactive part no learning disability . I tried to edit my question, but don't know how.

ballengerb1 · May 27, 2010, 09:51 AM

ADHD is ADD with hyperactivity. What is LD and ADHD? I don't think the edit feature kicks in until you have logged at least 24 hours on the site, you are too new but don't worry about it for now.

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 09:59 AM

Ballengerb, we took our son to grand rapids, he had all types of testing. The dr there said he did not have ADD, no learning disabilities so medication was not necessary, personal choice. He stated he was diagnosed with a social impairment only. Our son can do the work, he is a smart young man, but gives up. Like I said we have tried different avenues. He acts like he doesn't care and gets very direspectful. This is very hard as parents for us, that is why we would like others peoples opinion

ballengerb1 · May 27, 2010, 10:21 AM

Two doctors who do not come up with the same diagnois, not giant surprise. I can only go by what you told us up front "diagnosed with social impairement w/ ADD" later corrected to ADHD. Meds to do really help LD but they can be helpful with the A the H in ADHD. You can ask you CASE corrdinator or the Principal but I am fairly certain that they will not hold him back from what we have read today. BTW, LD does not mean not smart. A child can be extremely smart and yet be LD. The L stands for descrepancy meaning some areas are very much stronger or weaker than others.

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 10:40 AM

I want you to understand we are not opposed to medication at all, when he came to live with us he was not living in a stable environment, he was kicked out of school in kindergarten, he missed 28 days of school and was tardy 19 in one school year (2nd) grade, he had no structure. He was thrown on medication undiagnosed by a relative who is a nurse and brought meds home, he took them secretively w/out knowing and he was told they were gummy bear vitamins. He has been through a lot in his life starting and we are trying to make up what he lost. We tried a different approach 1st. Structure, discipline, love, attention, consequences, counseling, being to school everyday. Making sure he knows we are there. We have been in close contact with the schools for years now with him and are very involved. The schools praise us as parents how we have tried different avenues. We are now thinking of hiring a life coach for support for him and us and just to let you know both dr's came up with the same diagnosis, I am not sure where you got that they came up with different ones.

ballengerb1 · May 27, 2010, 11:00 AM

I am only quoting what you have told us. First I saw " was diagnosed with social impairement w/ ADD" then in a later post you said the Grand Rapids doctor diagnosed him 'He stated he was diagnosed with a social impairment only" So that is how I am getting confused.

Kitkat22 · May 27, 2010, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by ballengerb1

I am only quoting what you have told us. First I saw " was diagnosed with social impairement w/ ADD" then in a later post you said the Grand Rapids doctor diagnosed him 'He stated he was diagnosed with a social impairment only" So that is how I am getting confused.

ADHD medication has helped so many children.

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 11:13 AM

I know that is why I am tying to correct it, I was actually reading an article on ADD and ADHD when I was writing this so that is why I typed that. It is just hard and if medication is the route and the next recommendation we will go with that, just a sad situation and we are getting conflicting stories weather to keep him in 7th grade again or have him move on, some sameit will hinder him because he won't be with his friends and other say it will hinder him to let him go on because of his friends because he does not focus on academics because of his friends . So confused

ballengerb1 · May 27, 2010, 12:14 PM

I chaired MDCs for 35 years and, like I said earlier, the school will not likely hold him back. Retention of a student does not motivate him, if anything the opposite. The only times I have seen retention beneficial is in kindergarten when the child was born just after the entrance cutoff date. Those students needed an extra year of maturity and exposure to working with groups of children. Are you in a unit district? Best to make an appointment with the school psychologist who did his 3 year review or annual review.

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 12:50 PM

Yes see that's what I was looking at too, normally retention is earlier in the school year k-3. We have mailed a life coach to see if she could help us. I thank you for all your help an input and hopefully we will get some answers.

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 12:50 PM

Yes see that's what I was looking at too, normally retention is earlier in the school year k-3. We have mailed a life coach to see if she could help us. I thank you for all your help an input and hopefully we will get some answers.

fitzmonkey · May 27, 2010, 12:50 PM

Yes see that's what I was looking at too, normally retention is earlier in the school year k-3. We have mailed a life coach to see if she could help us. I thank you for all your help an input and hopefully we will get some answers.

DrBill100 · May 27, 2010, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by fitzmonkey

ballengerb, we took our son to grand rapids, he had all types of testing. The dr there said he did not have ADD, no learning disabilities so medication was not necessary, personal choice. He stated he was diagnosed with a social impairment only. Our son can do the work, he is a smart young man, but gives up. Liek I said we have tried different avenues. He acts like he doesnt care and gets very direspectful. This is very hard as parents for us, that is why we would like others peoples opinion

Please describe the testing, the nature of the assessment, who ordered or referred and the specialty of the physicians that have examined him?

"Social impairment" is more of a behavioral descriptor than independent diagnosis that can lead to a definitive treatment. (I see that term twice) This is I assume related to the ADHD i.e. "ADHD with or characterized by social impairment."

You note also that a nurse relative had given him medication. Do you know what drugs he was provided, at what age and over what period?

You also note that he is not learning disabled. That term is used somewhat differently in education than psychology/iatry, who said?

ballengerb1 · May 27, 2010, 05:50 PM

My quess Dr. Bill, these tests are done by School Psychologists and not a physician. Our special ed coop requires a full psyc be done by their own psychologist and we may pay for an outside psychologist if warranted.

jeffmbca · Jul 10, 2010, 01:02 PM

Kudos for doing everything you're doing. You are way ahead of many parents and you're exploring every option.

Holding him back won't change is underlying problem, whether it's ADD or ADHD. You're doing all the right things, "structure, discipline, love, attention, consequences, counseling" but these only go so far. There is no correlation between intelligence and learning disabilities. Despite everything you've been told, he "probably" has some form of a learning disability. All the tutoring, counseling, and love won't change this. It's probably the main reason why he doesn't like school, or want to be there and want to try.

There is a great video by Richard Lavoie that shows exactly what it's like to have a learning disability:
The F.A.T. City Workshop

See if you can find a copy it. It will change the way you look at everything.

The schools will only offer band-aids in the IEP. Holding him back is one such band-aid. They're not always bad and will help with the schoolwork but you need to work on changing or fixing the root of his problem. If you have insurance, see if you can find a learning center in your area that focuses on ADD/ADHD. They will use the tools to "help" the real problem which will help all other areas of school and life. This isn't something that will go away but you can help make things better.

Source:
Easy IEP Help

Wondergirl · Jul 10, 2010, 01:22 PM

What about getting him a tutor? The school might be able to arrange that, or you can find someone.

I was a teacher/tutor and know that, when my own child needed help, I was the worst one to help him (he resented my tutoring him), so I bartered with a friend whom my son loved to be with. I took care of her two young children while she tutored my son several times a week during the summer. It paid off handsomely for both of us! My son got quality help and a better attitude about school and math, and she got a chance to use her teaching skills again while being a stay-at-home mom.

Some years later, I tutored Mike twice a week during the early part of the summer before he started high school. I'd pick him up at home and take him to the local McDonald's for breakfast (on the way, he'd play the current rock music and fill me in on groups). We'd eat and chat and then use the big table to spread out our work for the morning. If it was too noisy and crowded, we'd go to a nearby park and study at one of the picnic tables. Mike loved having the attention of an adult and be able to talk about his interests, and I did remedial work with him so he was able to pass the entrance exam at the military high school he wanted to go to.