[RickJ]

This was in this month's issue of Envoy Magazine... couldn't resist sharing it. I am confident that if both parties of a relationship can agree with these "rules" then it's a huge step toward a successful relationship...

T H E__R U L E S
By Kris and Marty Franklin

1. We are on the same side. We are a team. The goal is not for me to win. The goal is to solve the problem and to love you better.

2. Your feelings matter to me even if they are very different from mine. I will not judge your feelings. I will try to understand them and I will try to help you understand mine.

3. I will not shout, throw, or slam anything.

4. I will not be sarcastic, call you names, or swear.

5. I will never threaten or even hint at the possibility of divorce. We are in
This together for life. If I need space to think, cool off, or pray, I'll ask for it
And go to another room. I will not leave the house in anger.

6. I will not ascribe motives to your actions. I cannot read your mind and won't try.

7. I will keep quiet when you talk and listen to everything you say.

8. I will stick with this discussion for as long as it takes. If we can't finish right now, I will make a date in the very near future to pick it up again. I will not leave problems unresolved.

9. I will not give you the silent treatment. I will do my best to express my thoughts and feelings so you can understand. I will not clam up. I will not pout or manipulate through guilt.

10. I will ask for clarification when I don't understand you. I will not jump to conclusions.

11. I will not throw old [mistakes] in your face.

12. I will apologize quickly if I break any of the above rules and I will try to do better as we go along.

13. I will admit when I am wrong. I will say I'm sorry. I will ask for your forgiveness.

14. If the children overhear us I will apologize to each of them and explain that married people argue even when they love each other very much. I will assure them that I love you and that our family is not in any danger whatsoever. I will never make you out to be the bad guy.

15. If we can't solve a problem on our own in a reasonable amount of time, I will agree to outside help.

[kp2171]

5. I will never threaten or even hint at the possibility of divorce. We are in
this together for life. If I need space to think, cool off, or pray, I'll ask for it
and go to another room. I will not leave the house in anger.

The first part of this one is huge. You should never use the threat of divorce as an emotional ploy to "win" an argument. It shows a complete lack of respect for the commitment. Now, if the argument is of such a scale that divorce is an option, I s'pose OK then... but never should one casually mention divorce for the upper hand.

Leaving the house in anger... eh, I've done that once or twice. Its dumb and selfish.

Reminds me of the quote: Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Oh well.

[Nez]

Nope.Can't say I've done any of those..

Life is agreeing to disagree... then agreeing that I'm always right... :D

[RickJ]

Hey, even I was wrong once!

... but in actually it was because in one instance I thought I was wrong, but I later found out I was right :p :p :p

[jduke44]

This was a good idea to post. I think if couples went by this we would not have the divorce rate we have. I would like to say I never broke these, but unfortunately have. I think the biggest one is NEVER threaten divorce. I hope others see this and abide by these rules. Thanks Rick for posting them.

[talaniman]

"YES dear......." That's my story and I'm sticking to it!:cool: :) :eek: :rolleyes:

[DJ 'H']

Really good to see this and It's a real shame that my dad (now on his third marriage) and my mum (now separated from her second marriage) could not have read this sooner and tried to stick to this!

[fredg]

Good post, rickj.
Remember the old Fonzie TV series, "Happy Days"? When Fonzie was wrong, he couldn't even say the word. Kept saying "I was wr-wr-wr-wr-wr".
It takes time to build a solid relationship with another. Would take more time to get two people to agree with all the steps of "what not to do".
But, it's still good.