[Someone24]

So I just came across this site while trying to find advice on how I should proceed and I figured what the hell, I'll just ask. Here's the deal (kind of long):

I met this girl in one of my classes back in January and we really hit it off. We started studying and working on homework together a lot and every time we did, we had a lot of fun doing it. I really don't think I have ever had that much fun doing something as boring as studying. She told me early on that she lives with her boyfriend so I tried to tell myself I shouldn't even try anything with her but I honestly couldn't help myself; she's beautiful, smart, we just click, and we both enjoy each other’s company, a lot. She was always calling me to see if I wanted to study or work on homework and like an idiot I almost always agreed. I tried to keep from falling for her but it really didn't take long until I couldn't stop thinking about her, dreaming about her, etc.

I knew it was a bad idea but I kept studying with her even after I had fallen for her and my attraction to her only grew. The thing is, it didn't seem like a one sided deal, she was definitely falling for me too. She started telling me about how her boyfriend had grown really jealous of me because I was seeing her almost more than he did (she goes to school during the day and he works at night) and even though I was already causing problems for their relationship, she still called and wanted to hang out just as much. As the semester started to come to a close, our study sessions really did just become us hanging out. We'd study or work for a couple of minutes then talk and joke around for a while (people in the library started to hate us).

I was in a bad way for her and I knew I had to do something, the only reason we ever saw each other was because of a mutual class and once that was gone I knew I wouldn't see her nearly as much. I weighed my options and decided I just needed to tell her how I feel even though we both kind of knew how we felt about each other already. So the day before the final, the last day of our studying, I had to tell her how I felt. I'm usually not nervous about much but holy s*** was I nervous, I knew the friendship would be over if told her and things would either get much better or become really bad. I almost didn't say anything but as we were parting ways I stopped her and broke out into my little speech about how I felt and how she makes me feel. She didn't say much beyond "I'm flattered", "I already knew", and "See ya tomorrow" (I still don't know why she said this? We didn't see each other the next day and there was really no way we would have unless she wanted to). As I drove away I noticed she was just sitting in her car crying and I felt terrible.

It’s been a week and I haven't heard from her and I don't really expect to in the future but I still can't get her off my mind. I know I'm probably fairly disillusioned at this point but I can't help but think that there’s still something I can do to make her mine. She the girl of my dreams, I’ve never felt this way before and I can't help but go down swinging.

So... Here is my question:
Is there anything I can still do, is there a chance at all or should I just walk away and look to the future? I really don't know which way to go... (Although I know the way I'd like to go)


P.S. I know I'm a terrible person for going for a girl who lives with her boyfriend so I don't need to hear any of that, just looking for advice folks.

[CarrotTalker]

She's already in a relationship and responded in a way to put you down easy.

She's more interested in her boyfriend than she is in you. You need to stop pursuing her and find another girl. Plenty of single girls available.

[friend4u178]

I really have no problem with the way you feel about someone , the problem comes when you cross the line and cheat on someone and let your actions take over those feelings , which I don't think you have.

You've told her your feelings now , so you have to back away and let her sort hers out , if it does happen that she breaks up with her BF just remember to let her get her healing done before you even venture there. You don't want get into a rebound with her.

[Gemini54]

I sort of have problems with your continuing to see her when you knew you were falling for her and knew it was creating problems in the relationship. Sure, she could have taken the initiative and cooled it, but hey, so could have you.

Anyway, what's done is done and I'm not sure you got the reaction you expected.

Leave it be. She does have a BF. She knows how you feel and you've told her how you feel.

Sometimes we can't have what we want and we end up with nothing. It's a lesson.

[Jake2008]

That is how love happens- out of the blue. You didn't go looking for it, it found you. You can't be faulted for allowing yourself to wonder and hope that maybe, just maybe, she would indicate something or say something to give you hope.

I think you were very brave to tell her straight up how you felt about her. She was probably a bit stunned at your directness, although she should have expected that at some point the words would at least equal the feelings she had toward you too. In other words I don't think you surprised her necessarily, but just caught her off guard.

While she has a boyfriend that she lives with, and didn't cross the line (although could have obviously), she chose instead to leave things at a 'friend' level- for now.

There is no rule that says you are a bad person if you start to fall in love with another person, even if you are in a living together relationship. I see her as being able to control herself, and no doubt she is feeling the same way you are right now.

I would let things rest and wait to see if she contacts you. You have clearly put the ball in her court; she knows exactly how you feel, and should she return the feelings, you'll have your answer. Try your best not to contact her, and give her the time she needs to think.

I have to say again that had you not done what you did, you would never have known one way or the other.

[I wish]

It's never an easy situation to like someone who's already taken.

Try reading this sticky to see if it can give you any insights: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-463250.html

If you already told her how you feel, then the ball is on her side of the court. It's time to back away and do your own thing. If she wanted something to happen, she will find you. You don't need to put pressure on her anymore to come find you.

I know it's easier said than done, but it's best for you to distract yourself as much as possible so that you don't have to dwell on what's going on in her mind.

[ja77]

This person is off limits they are with someone else, what you need to do is get out and about and find a single someone special all to yourself.

Its hard and you may feel they are the one but smell the coffee how would you feel if you where with this girl and someone else was trying to hit on them? I am guessing not to pleased.

Keep yourself busy - start new things - and get out and about and meet new people.

[Someone24]

Thanks for all the advice, its really helping me do what I know I need to do, leave it alone. Its just hard sometimes when one is having trouble separating what ones heart wants to do from what ones head knows to do. I'm staying strong and have no plans to contact her in the future, especially now that I can always come here and see logical people telling me not to contact her. Now that finals are over it will be a little easier to keep myself distracted and if she does break up with her boyfriend I'll remind myself not to get too eager and give her more time.

[slapshot_oi]

Consider yourself lucky. If she cheated on her boyfriend with you, she'd cheat on you with someone else. It always works that way.

[Gemini54]

Consider yourself lucky. If she cheated on her boyfriend with you, she'd cheat on you with someone else. It always works that way.

Not always!

[slapshot_oi]

Not always!

Ya, if you want to play that game, whatever, there's always an exception to the rule, anything is possible and so on and so forth, but the point of my post was never gamble with your own emotions when the house has the advantage, the expected value for the OP is negative in this context; it's just not worth the risk.

When it doubt, trust the odds my friend.

[Someone24]

Consider yourself lucky. If she cheated on her boyfriend with you, she'd cheat on you with someone else. It always works that way.

Well, in my case, she told me about a month ago that she would never cheat on her boyfriend, no matter what. Plus, I really didn't want to get her to cheat on her boyfriend; I know how it feels to be cheated on and there is no way I could do that to her or her boyfriend.

[friend4u178]

Well, in my case, she told me about a month ago that she would never cheat on her boyfriend, no matter what. Plus, I really didn't want to get her to cheat on her boyfriend; I know how it feels to be cheated on and there is no way I could do that to her or her boyfriend.

Neither of you are cheating physically , but if you attempt to contact her now that she knows the score you would be attempting to cheat emotionally. That's why now that she knows it's very important to just leave her alone.

[ja77]

I think you are doing the right thing by moving on and leaving her alone - the old saying is very true if you play with fire you will get burnt -

She put her cards on the table and was honest and said she would not cheat on her boyfriend in my eyes I think she was trying to let you down gently!

Keep yourself busy and stay out and about doing things that keep your mind off her and before long I'm sure you will find someone single that you can build a true meaning relationship with.

Good luck...

[UtahMan813]

You're toast. Never tell a woman how you feel! Show her! If she has a boyfriend and is calling you and wants to hang out with you, but won't take it to the next level, then the next time she calls to hang out, tell her that you are busy. Better yet, tell her that you are studying with someone else, and drop a hint that that person is female. The jealousy that it creates will force this girl's true feelings to the surface. Being at a girl's beck and call signals to her that you have no life of your own, and that she is the only option you have. Once she knows this, she will lose all attraction for you.

In all honesty, you want to know the best thing you can do to get a girl attracted to you? Be a bit of an . Not mean, but an . Ever noticed how women seem to flock to the s, while leaving the nice guys that buy them flowers and kiss their ?

[martinizing2]

You're toast. Never tell a woman how you feel! Show her! If she has a boyfriend and is calling you and wants to hang out with you, but won't take it to the next level, then the next time she calls to hang out, tell her that you are busy. Better yet, tell her that you are studying with someone else, and drop a hint that that person is female. The jealousy that it creates will force this girl's true feelings to the surface. Being at a girl's beck and call signals to her that you have no life of your own, and that she is the only option you have. Once she knows this, she will lose all attraction for you.

In all honesty, you want to know the best thing you can do to get a girl attracted to you? Be a bit of an *******. Not mean, but an *******. Ever noticed how women seem to flock to the *******s, while leaving the nice guys that buy them flowers and kiss their ***?

No one has posted in this thread for about 4 months.
You should check the dates at the top of each post.

I'll bet you learned that language at Pioneer Park , or the bars on West Second South. It doesn't bother me but I would say you are better off not to

[UtahMan813]

Nothing. You're toast. Never tell a woman how you feel. Show her how you feel. Verbalizations are weak and needy and make you sound desperate. No woman wants a man who is needy, week and desperate. Never do that again. If she has a boyfriend, so what? Act like it doesn't matter to you and it won't matter to her. Trust me. Every girl that has a boyfriend is looking for a better option. All you have to do is man up and be the better option. Don't be timid. Don't be shy. Don't seek her approval. And don't treat her like your friend. Treat her like your girlfriend and she will behave accordingly.
By the way, if she is living with the guy, chances are she will cheat on him, but she probably won't leave him, because she has too much invested in him both emotionally and financially (that is, unless she moves in with you).

[jmjoseph]

Nothing. You're toast. Never tell a woman how you feel. Show her how you feel. Verbalizations are weak and needy and make you sound desperate. No woman wants a man who is needy, week and desperate. Never do that again. If she has a boyfriend, so what? Act like it doesn't matter to you and it won't matter to her. Trust me. Every girl that has a boyfriend is looking for a better option. All you have to do is man up and be the better option. Don't be timid. Don't be shy. Don't seek her approval. And don't treat her like your friend. Treat her like your girlfriend and she will behave accordingly.
By the way, if she is living with the guy, chances are she will cheat on him, but she probably won't leave him, because she has too much invested in him both emotionally and financially (that is, unless she moves in with you).

A REAL MAN knows when a girl is already taken, and respects that union.

So, Utahman, how would YOU like it if some guy tries to be "the better option" to YOUR girl?

We're not Neanderthals.

And yes, this post is over 100 days old. He probably has lost this battle by now.

[courtney515]

I think you did the right thing by telling her how you feel. I'm no expert, but I'm a girl and I think she is just in too deep with her boyfriend. She might have feelings for you, but just be stuck on him. If I were you I would move on if anything comes your way. Its okay to think about her, but don't waste your life away waiting. You sound like she is very important to you, so just wait it out and be patient, and if she doesn't come around and things don't work out, it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Hope everything works out!