[SirloinStk]

To summarize it all. I have to be the judge on the matter. I will be honest and play my cards right. If this relationship does not turn out the way I wanted it to be then I will not blame anyone else but myself.

Thanks to those who replied.

[progunr]

Sounds like she has a problem with keeping her pants on?

Most people, don't ever change much after the age of say, 25 or so.

Many times we think that someone will change for us, usually they don't, or won't.

You got to be the judge though, the fact that you are here asking this is not a good sign.

[Alty]

It sounds like you have allot of reservations, that is a sign in and of itself.
Obviously you have some trust issues about this girl, not a good way to
Start or continue a relationship. I guess it all comes down to this, do you care
About her enough to put her past behind you and move forward, or will you
Forever be questioning whether she's being faithful? We can't make this
Decision for you, it's yours and yours alone, but weigh both sides first.

Good luck.

[SirloinStk]

"It sounds like you have allot of reservations, that is a sign in and of itself."

I don't get this part but I agree with the rest (trust issues).

[Alty]

Having reservations is a sign because it means that deep down you already know
That this might not be the best idea. Go with your gut, you heart isn't always right.

Good luck.

[SirloinStk]

Thanks (Progunr and Altenweg)

[Alty]

That's why we're here. Remember this, these are just our opinions, the decision
Is still yours and yours alone. Good luck. :)

[JBeaucaire]

Maybe I've got rose-colored glasses, but my motto is "trust implicitly at first without reservation, until you are given specific reason not trust." Period.

What this girl has gone through in the past is her issue. You can opt to treat your time with her honestly and above board. Keep things from her past and yours out of the equation if they don't apply this tme around.

I, too, am skeptical of people's ability to change. It just happens so rarely. But... it DOES happen. So, go for it with her, but don't make any excuses if things go awry. Be honest with her, and be honest with yourself.

If it tanks, and it most likely will (but not guaranteed), just be ready for it. You can survive that, too.

[talaniman]

As long as you know with perfect honesty, what she is capable of, and what your getting into, then your on your own. Good Luck!

[kp2171]

Well... not enough details in your OP to understand whether your choice to hang in there is reasonable or not.

The only "problem" I have with what seems like your approach to dating is that you will only blame yourself if it all goes to hell.

I once dated a girl who, from day one, said she wasn't looking for an exclusive relationship. If I wanted to date other girls, thatd be fine. She even knew I liked another girl as well and told me to "go for it". She had a reputation as a wild one, but who didn't sleep around. Just your average drinking, boot kicking, shut-the-hell-up-and-have-fun girl. She was fun to go out with. She was a blast in bed. And she loved football. Like I died and went to heaven.

All that said, I knew she was younger, I knew she had some career goals that wouldn't be stopped by any relationship, and I knew she liked boys... she might not have been one to sleep around, but she loved attention and she loved men giving attention to her.

So we ended up dating for two years exclusively. She didn't mean to just date me, but it happened. I knew it could have been short time, but I was hooked and I rolled the dice.

It ended one night after she called me over for a late night hookup. The next morning while she's in the shower I find out from a notebook by her bed that shed been out with another guy that night. Turns out she took him into bed and when things didn't go right for her she called me over later to "fix" her need.

Now... did I blame myself some for hanging onto a relationship that was partly "doomed" to fail... sure. Some. But you'd better believe she bore the brunt of my blame.

I was open and honest. I told her "if you get serious with another guy just let me know" and she didn't. She deserved a hell of a lot of blame and got it.

So... don't accept being a martyr.

You can step in dog crap once or twice and not expect the mess... but at some point you can choose the path you take. Being open and honest is fine. A good way to live your life.

But don't be afraid to expect certain things from others and to demand those things. A fav saying of mine is that you only get the respect you demand, and sometimes not even that.

So don't assume when something falls apart it is your blame to bear, your fault. For what? Being open? Honest?

Sometimes great relationships fail and sometimes bad realtionships just won't die. Its fine to accept some blame when its due.

But don't be afraid for one minute to hold others accountable for their actions. Don't punish new lovers for the mistakes of past lovers, but don't try to bear the burden of a failed relationship on your own.

I've lost a few big loves. One was simply "bad timing"... honestly nobody's fault. Another was the crash and burn I mentioned... (I swear I'm still ticked I got her off so fast the night before). Another one was lost because we were young and both changed. I made mistakes in two of those relationships. Two girls made mistakes also. Its not all on me.

[SirloinStk]

Thanks. I will keep that in mind.

[SirloinStk]

Threads merged

I am 22 yrs old. I have cheated on my girlfriend through SMS/texting another woman but there wasn't any sexual messages or pictures sent and the text messages were very few. My girlfriend saw these messages in my cellphone and she does not know what to do right now. I know I don't have the right to go back in her life but I don't want this relationship to end. I'm sad at the moment that this happened and I know it was me who destroyed our relationship. Is there a chance for us to get back? If there is, how?

[I wish]

You can start by being apologetic and sincere that you want to repair the relationship. You broke her trust. If there's no trust, there's no relationship. It's up to her if she wants to give you another chance.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-226816-2.html

Is this her?

[SirloinStk]

Threads merged

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-226816-2.html

Is this her?

Yes, why?

[talaniman]

Just curious, why you were going behind her back? There is not a lot of info in your last post, like it was edited or something.

[SirloinStk]

@talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...-226816-2.html << this post?
Or
Yes, why? << this post?

I edited both of them. The link: The replies were sufficient for me and there was no need for others to reply.

The yes, why?: before I edited it was just a "why".

@"why were you going behind her back?": It was for my own selfish reason why I did it and I am stupid for doing it.

[friend4u178]

You may not have cheated physically but you cheated emotionally , that is just as bad for a partner to take as it still crosses the trust barrier.

All you can do is apologise and sit back and wait , no-one can make her mind up for her and with so little information we don't really know if there are any other underlying issues you haven't told us about.

[talaniman]

I think you bite the bullet on this one, and sit back and see if she stays mad, or calls you later. I think a week, is sufficient to see what's up, but being a bad boy has its consequences.

Also be aware she may not change her mind, and seek other options. That's the price we pay sometimes, sorry.

[SirloinStk]

Thank you all for your reply(ies).

She is still talking to me personally. Since it is my fault, I'll try and make this work.