Will be as brief as possible. Both me and my wife are in our second marriages with each other, for about 5 years now. It has been a turbulent time as we have had to deal with every blended family issue imaginable, but also a having a baby 2 years ago. The main issue that I have is with how my wife views me. When we first got married the economy was in the tank, I had to take a job that was considerably less in pay verses my education level as it was all I could find. My wife would always make hurtful comments to this situation as my pay was lower than expected and with me having to pay child support to my first wife, well, money was scarce. She would often tell me that I and the baby were a "liability". This is where the problems started. She would often compare me to her ex(who is very well off) in a negative light, often times saying "he at least took care of me", "he takes care of his kids", on and on and on. Now last year I was finally able to find a job in my degree field so money now is not a big issue. But, going through all of this made me really question if she viewed me lesser than her ex, as crazy as that sounds.
Well, her ex is coming to visit their kids next week. He lives out of the country so he will be staying for 2 weeks. The whole time hanging out at our house, eating dinner with us and visiting. I have no issue at all with him seeing his kids, thus me opening up my home to him. I asked her last night, that given our history( and their's, she often times referred to him as her true love) she might pay me a little extra attention just so to ease the tension. She responded she shouldn't have to do that, which I said was fine, just thought it help me out a little. I then asked if she loved me as much as she ever did him. I know this is a silly question, but at the moment I was felling insecure and just wanting to know where I stood. She replied that she has never loved me like she did him, that she gave him her whole heart and has yet to do so with me, mainly because of the difficulties in our marriage. I was taken aback by this and asked if maybe some of our difficulties came from her withholding love. She didn't really have a response other than he was her true love and it was a good time in her life. Im just looking on feedback here. Is this because she is feeling nostalgia for a time, almost 20 years ago, that was just more fun and I should take that as her reasoning. Or is this a problem that won't go away and I just have to deal with being 2nd. I won't lie, I hate the way it made me feel, and especially with him visiting next week I thought it was ill timed. Any helpful info would be appreciated.