[anneli769]

Hey guys, hope all is well! I wasn't sure where to post this question, but thought it could work here... I am very confused about my life at this moment, 2 years ago I moved to a bigger town because the work opportunities were better, I wasn't very happy to move but thought it was better for my future. I just want to know what you guys think, is it really worth to have a miserable life, just to have a good job. I miss all my friends so much.. I have a boyfriend here, but I'm not really happy with him, he's a very aggressive guy and the smallest thing makes him mad. I haven't met any new friends in this town because we always stay home, because he don't like to go out, he loves staying at home and paint or go to auctions. I am a party girl, I love to go out with my friends. But the sad story is that they are all in my home town and there is not a lot of work opportunities there... what should I do? Emotionally I am a wreck, because I am not happy where I am now.. Could any one of you please give me a little advice?

[Clough]

This is just a little advice. Hopefully, others will add theirs.

I think that you need to have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about what your needs are. He might not know what they are. Have you discussed this with him? It really sounds like you need to be communicating with your boyfriend about your needs.

If he really cares about you, then he will help you to meet your needs.

[anneli769]

This is just a little advice. Hopefully, others will add theirs.

I think that you need to have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about what your needs are. He might not know what they are. Have you discussed this with him? It really sounds like you need to be communicating with your boyfriend about your needs.

If he really cares about you, then he will help you to meet your needs.

Thanks! I have spoken to him about what my needs is and then he told me that if I'm not happy with him and what he does I must get myself another boyfriend who could meet all my needs.. he is very sensitive about those things, the moment I ask him if we could go dancing he's never in the mood and fights with me because I don't want to be with him, but the problem is I ask him to come along..

[poseidon]

Hi Anneli,

Trying to read between the lines, I feel your problems stem from the relationship you have with your boyfriend.

If you are not happy with the situation with your boyfriend and it is bringing you down. Especially if he is aggressive toward you, I feel you must get away from that situation as soon as possible. This relations will probably end sooner or later anyway so why prolong the agony.

Moving to a new town and not knowing anyone or having any friends there is never easy but it will change, if you can get away from this bad relationship.

You do not say whether you are living with your boyfriend, if so of course you will need to find somewhere else to live.

If your boyfriend shows physical violence toward you, my advice is to find yourself somewhere to live and simply leave without telling him. Just leave note.

If you are not living together, is it possible for you to move from where you are living now, again without telling him where. That way you can hopefully break all ties with him.

Again you do not say whether you enjoy the work you are doing. If you do and you can get away from your relationship, I feel sure you will get the opportunity to meet more people and make friends. It will also take a big burden off your shoulders and you can concentrate on yourself.

If you don't like your work either, could it be because your personal life is not so good at the moment and if you start changing that you may start enjoying your work more.

If not, then move back to your home town and try to get work that you enjoy there.

Basically, my advice is first and foremost get away from this guy, then start getting out and meeting others on your terms. Hopefully this will help you to enjoy your work more, but if not, cut your losses and go back home. I am sure if you are persistent you will be able to find work there.

Once you have left this bad relationship behind you, give yourself a chance to heal and see how things fare where you are living now. Then reassess the situation.

The very, very best of luck.

Cy
(Poseidon)

[anneli769]

Hey poseidon! We do not live together, but he sleeps over at my house every night. The other problem is that we work together.. we see each other every single day.. what do you think, should I move back to my home town??

[poseidon]

Hi again Anelli,

As you work together it changes the situation somewhat.

If you do end your relationship with him, you are still likely to come into contact with him at work so that could be a problem.

If as you said to Clough he is prepared to end the relationship if he is not fulfilling your needs, he does not appear to be too bothered or care that much about you or your feelings.

My suggestion is to take him up on it and end it.

I would also suggest that if you do end it, you don't immediately throw in your work. See how it works out for a couple of weeks. See how he treats you in work. It could be that he will simply forget about the relationship you both had and go looking for pastures new.

If on the other hand, the working relationship you have with him deteriorates you can either explain the situation to your superiors and ask for their help and advice or of course you could leave.

I'm a bit of a stubborn so and so and would probably not throw in what I have accomplished at my work without a fight.

If you do split up, just try to put him into the back of your mind and get on with your life and work. Do what you want, get out and start meeting people. You may be surprised at how quickly you can start making friends now that you don't have your ex in tow with you.

There is every possibility that the people you have met when in your boyfriend's company like you but would not get too close because they did not like him or how he was treating you. With him out of the picture you may well find it easier to make new friends.

The decision about whether to go back home or not can only be made by you. But as I said in my earlier post, finish your relationship with your boyfriend and see how
Things go for a couple of weeks or so.

Presumably you can move back home anytime.

Many people leave home and have difficulty finding new friends and settling in at first, but most get used to it and although they never lose touch with their friends and of course family they have at home, they do start and live another life away from home very happily and successfully.

Always remember, its your life to live as you choose and you need to decide what you want and make a conscious effort to fulfill those wants, needs and dreams.

Again the very best of luck

Cy
(Poseidon)

[s_cianci]

A place isn't going to make you happy. And neither is a job. Obviously you've got to support yourself but happiness and contentment have to come from within. Remember, there are certain things you can control and certain things you can't. If you and your boyfriend aren't compatible then you should end the relationship. I would think that a bigger town with more work opportunities would also mean more social opportunities. Maybe you just need to get out and circulate some more.

[GlindaofOz]

I agree with everyone about your boyfriend. I think that you are trying to hang your hat on him since you don't have a life outside of boyfriend and work. I think this guy sounds like trouble and seems very controlling.

Okay, so the task at hand to meet new people.

Have you looked on Meetup: World's largest community of local Meetups, clubs and groups! or tried craigslist.org? There are plenty of groups to join and its very easy to make new friends. By being together all day everyday your boyfriend is impeding your ability to really start a life in a new place. I just recently moved to a new town and I have tried really hard to get out there and meet new people. Its not the same as my friends back where I used to live but its still fun. I've turned down all male advances because I want to establish a life FIRST then worry about love.