10 year age difference a problem or my problem?
New here and thanks for 'listening'. Hubby and I 11 years difference. I'm 40, he's 51. We have 1 child age 6. Dated 6 years, he previously married and 1 child. Broke it off after 4 1/2 years said I deserved someone to marry me, give me family he did not want any of that. Well, year later we were engaged. I told him marriage was just piece of paper, we did not have to change. My meaning was we grow together, remain best friends. That now haunts me as he and his friends throw it in my face now. Married 13 yrs now. Together in total 20. After 4 yrs, got pregnant, lost child still born at 40 weeks. Year later he still did not want child. I felt alone, felt deserved child, so... careless in birthcontrol. Pregnant, had child. Seemed fine, she's apple of his eye, daddies girl. Says wouldn't change a thing. Bought new home. Year ago I joing Facebook. He hates it. Only friendship connections. Actual miss old friends from school. Never kept in touch. All friends now are through husbands connections.. all older. I feel lost. I love him tremendously. Not sure if midlife crises but lost sex drive, not happy with self. Very low self esteem. Going to counseling but seem to not help for husbands sake. He wants physical. Says I don't put him on pedestal anymore like before. Says he gave up things for me. Fact he didn't want to get married, did. Didn't want children, did. Gave up his home(he grew up in) for new one. I feel horrible. Like he has given up things for me and now I cannot satisfy him. Not sure if age is now issue over time. I miss connections with people. Miss doing girly things. I love him, hate he is hurting. I just have no desire for sex. Im very emtionally connected person. Sometimes feel he'd be better off with someone who does worship him. He hates I feel so comfortable that I've said he would never stray. He said he's done too much for me. Went out one time he was talking a lady. I didn't react. He asked why? I said I knew he wouldn't do anything. I know who he loves, who he comes home too. He wants me to be jealous, to watch his every move. To worship him, never wanting to be apart from him. I was, and we were like that for longest time. Just last 2 or 3 years it's dwindled away for me. Not sure if because I've grown with daughter, finding other things responsibilities for her, shifting my 'worshiping to her? I'm clueless. Since I don't want to be like that with him, does that mean our marriage is lost? Over? Some days I'm very sexually attracted. Others, more than not. Lately I feel better off to only have myself and daughter to worry about. Tired of all the guilt. I don't want guilt of ruining his life, which is a very strong feeling for me right now. Any one else go through this? Thanks for time here.