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Fr_Chuck · Aug 11, 2009, 05:14 AM

In many of my answers I often tell people to date, dating is not just one person but you can date several people until you get to the point of a serious relationship.

But what about sex, does dating today normally involve sex, OK I know different groups have religious or moral ideas but I am talking about just what I would call the majority of people.

So what is your opinions

When I tell people to date several people am I telling them to also sleep with them ?

If so, is it wrong in the US, Canada or Europe culture as it is today to have ongoing sexual relationship with more than one person at a time.
*** Ok, not at the same time but whle seeing others.

Justwantfair · Aug 11, 2009, 06:55 AM

In my opinion dating shouldn't not involve sleeping with any party.
Dating is something prior to that stage, it's getting to know someone.
For the majority of people though I believe that dating involves a sexual relationship.
Sex is so much more casual it seems now.
In my view, that is horribly dangerous and demoralizing.
But personally I have dated a variety of people while not sleeping with anyone.
If I decided that I wanted to take a relationship to that level then I would cut off all dating with any other person and focus on the person I was most serious about.

stevetcg · Aug 11, 2009, 07:22 AM

My opinion is that if you are dating and not in a serious relationship with anyone, do whatever you feel comfortable with. I do not believe there is anything wrong with casual sex so long as safety is considered.

michele1983 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:02 AM

As long as both people are okay with it and are being smart and safe with their other partners, I think its fine.

However, it may be safer not to unless you REALLY trust the person you sleeping with... cause if they are careless with sex then you could be subjecting yourself with some STDs

Alty · Aug 11, 2009, 09:19 PM

Realize that it's been a while since I dated, and the last time I did I was a teen, so take my answer with a grain of salt. ;)

If I was in the dating scene today I would probably not have sex with guys that I was dating, especially if I was dating more then one guy. I'd wait until I decided on the one and we had an actual relationship, not just going out and having fun.

As a teen, I would have had no problem sleeping with guys I was dating, even if there was more then one guy. Ya, I wasn't an angel. :(

I think it depends on the people involved, their beliefs. It also would require a lot of open communication because I do think that the people you're involved with should know if you're having a sexual relationship with someone else.

Gemini54 · Aug 12, 2009, 02:56 AM

I really think that it depends on the person.

When I first met my husband about 10 years ago, he was 'dating' a number of women and sleeping with them. He'd had a number of responses to a 'personals' advertisement and was working his way through the 'responses'. It was very casual and I think they were aware of what he was doing.

He told me, and I told him that I wasn't interested in having sex with him while he was sleeping with anyone else. However, we continued to see each other and do things together. After about 3 months he told me he's stopped seeing any of the other women. I said 'that's nice". About a month after that we slept together for the first time.

So I guess that's both sides of the question you're asking - some people are OK with it (I guess it's important to be open about it), and some people, like me, prefer to date one person at a time and have sex with them.

I would suggest that the norm in English speaking countries is for serial monogamy - it's generally accepted that if dating involves sex, then you don't usually do it with anyone else. Of course there are always exceptions!

talaniman · Aug 12, 2009, 05:40 PM

Aids, herpes, and hepatitis, and a host of STD's, kept me from having sex with different partners back in the day, but dating is not about sex(?), its about good clean fun.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

stevetcg · Aug 13, 2009, 04:34 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Aids, herpes, and hepatitis, and a host of STD's, kept me from having sex with different partners back in the day, but dating is not about sex(?), its about good clean fun.

Thats my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Dating without sex is just buying dinner for someone you don't really like...

Kind of stupid, if you ask me. :)

talaniman · Aug 13, 2009, 05:17 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

Dating without sex is just buying dinner for someone you dont really like...

Kinda stupid, if you ask me. :)

You never know if you like them or not without dating them. And having a social life beyond sex, and romance, is crucial, and far from stupid, but rewarding, as far as friends, and activities go. Who says you're the one paying??

So I take it that you expect sex when you take someone to dinner? Bowling? Golfing? Volleyball at the beach? Movies, Plays, Darts?

If you read some of the stories here, sex complicates dating, when its done early on, in the dating process.

cal823 · Aug 13, 2009, 05:24 AM

I am only 17 (Actually I am turning 18 on the 19th WOOHOO!).
And I am a virgin. This shocks some people I know. Which in turn shocks me.
I know a few people of the age of 14 or 15 who are not virgins. It seems to me that sex has become so casual, or that people rush into these things mindlessly.
I personally believe that sex should be something special, with the person you love and will marry.

jmjoseph · Aug 13, 2009, 06:01 AM

When I was single, and dating multiple women, I was having sex with them. I was as careful as a condom allows, but still... That was over 12 years ago, and I consider myself very lucky as to NOT have contracted an STD. Looking back, I realize I was a sex addict, and didn't really want to be alone. Plus I was very loose back then. I knew I wanted to get that out of my system before I got married.

I found a wonderful woman who I love with all my heart, and would never consider cheating on her. She knows about my past, and loves me unconditionally. I've truly been blessed.

Nowadays, I think sex is a big part of dating. At least for the guys I work with it is.

cal823 · Aug 13, 2009, 06:06 AM

Good on you joseph, sounds like you have found a good catch. For that matter, sounds like she has in you as well.
Sex is a big part of dating for some people, doesn't mean it should be. Sex should never be someone's goal.

stevetcg · Aug 13, 2009, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You never know if you like them or not without dating them. And having a social life beyond sex, and romance, is crucial, and far from stupid, but rewarding, as far as friends, and activities go. Who says your the one paying???

So I take it that you expect sex when you take someone to dinner?? Bowling? Golfing? Volleyball at the beach?? Movies, Plays, Darts?

If you read some of the stories here, sex complicates dating, when its done early on, in the dating process.

I don't ever expect sex (and didn't when I was dating either). It just seemed to work out that way.

And I always paid. Not because I wanted something back... that's just how I was raised. I worked really hard to be able to afford to pay - and it made me feel good to do so.

Pardon my flippant attitude...

talaniman · Aug 13, 2009, 07:01 AM

No problem Steve, its just that some people get attached by sex, or lust, and breaking hearts (mine included) was not my intentions, and casual dating just for fun, with no expectations, is like practicing safe sex, but on an emotional level.

I was raised to pay also, but have been asked out more than a few times, and they paid. I felt special, and honored, LOL.

stevetcg · Aug 13, 2009, 07:08 AM

IMO, the problem is not casual sex. Casual sex is not a bad thing. The problem is that not everyone can or will distinguish sex from love.

There are many time that sex is a replacement (and economically friendly) for other activities. Going out is expensive. Staying in is not. I don't find anything wrong with that mentality.

I dated a girl a few years ago and we had sex on the first date. The date was just OK... a little tense. The sex was great.

She is downstairs right now with our two kids wearing a ring that matches the one that I am wearing.

ZoeMarie · Aug 13, 2009, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Aids, herpes, and hepatitis, and a host of STD's, kept me from having sex with different partners back in the day, but dating is not about sex(?), its about good clean fun.

Thats my story, and I'm sticking to it.

I like your story

JudyKayTee · Aug 13, 2009, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

IMO, the problem is not casual sex. Casual sex is not a bad thing. The problem is that not everyone can or will distinguish sex from love.

There are many time that sex is a replacement (and economically friendly) for other activities. Going out is expensive. Staying in is not. I dont find anything wrong with that mentality.

I dated a girl a few years ago and we had sex on the first date. The date was just ok... a little tense. The sex was great.

She is downstairs right now with our two kids wearing a ring that matches the one that I am wearing.

Does this mean that the news of the marriage is no longer a secret?

My concern with casual sex is/has been - and I'm talking safe sex here - that my idea of "casual" may very well be someone's idea of not casual, serious, relationship sex.

I think men can sometimes (and maybe women, too - I don't know. I don't date women - :)) nod their heads "yes" when "you" explain this is casual even though the words are not passing through their brains. Next thing you know - problems.

talaniman · Aug 13, 2009, 10:53 AM

You just have to read the post here about feeling developing after "casual" sex, and then wondering if the partner feels the same. Or the ones, where the partners have sex early on, and assume the other partner's feelings are the same. Or the ones who hit it, and move on, and the partner is left devastated, and wondering "what happened, why haven't they called"? Yep! Problems.

stevetcg · Aug 13, 2009, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Does this mean that the news of the marriage is no longer a secret?

My concern with casual sex is/has been - and I'm talking safe sex here - that my idea of "casual" may very well be someone's idea of not casual, serious, relationship sex.

I think men can sometimes (and maybe women, too - I don't know. I don't date women - :)) nod their heads "yes" when "you" explain this is casual even though the words are not passing through their brains. Next thing you know - problems.

I didn't know it was a secret. :-D

My idea of casual is no more than 3 different partners in a 24 hour period. Anything more than that crosses a line.

asking · Aug 13, 2009, 11:05 AM

I think the word "dating" is ambiguous. It can mean sex or not.

It's obviously fine to have dinner with more than one person if you are not intimate. Personally, I would not have sex with multiple partners and I don't expect a "date" too either. I figure if he's doing that, he's not available for a serious relationship.