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boysmomx2 · Dec 27, 2007, 09:49 PM

My husband had an affair and now the homewrecker is pregnant. She knew he was married because I have spoken to her. My husband has agreed to relinquish his rights because he want to be married to me and make our marriage better. We have two children of our own under the age of 5. I already told him it was my way or the highway. He is not to have any contact with her or the baby when it arrives. What are our legal responsibilities of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.

s_cianci · Dec 27, 2007, 10:03 PM

Legally your husband will have to provide financial support for the child, even if he chooses not to exercise his paternal rights. Make sure you make it known to the court when the time comes that you already have 2 other children as it is. That'll lessen the amount he has to pay, since the support of one child does not supersede the support of the others. Also get a DNA test to make sure the child is his as that's the only legal way to prove paternity in this situation.

oneguyinohio · Dec 27, 2007, 10:26 PM

Your post makes me feel sick. Sure the kid is not yours, but if he is your husbands, then the kid should have contact with his biological father period. You can blame the other woman homewrecker all you want, but that man you are giving orders to is responsible as well. The kid didn't make him have the affair. Why is it you still would take this man back, but not the child he is responsible for? If you truly loved him, I would think that anything that is part of him could share that love as well. Sure, it would be easier to avoid anything to do with that "problem", but you'll also enjoy the years of family knowledge that your kids have a half-sibling out there, that daddy skipped out on.
On the other hand, if you both work together for the child in the right way, it could actually help your marriage... a lot more than those ultimatums you gave him. I know you are angry and want that entire mess to be gone, but taking him back should also include the bad with the good... yes it will mess up your life as it was, but that has already happened.
I know you probably won't like my message, and I don't care if you want to rate me poorly, but at least I feel I've said it.

Shell_Lee · Dec 28, 2007, 08:57 AM

boysmomx2 - No matter how much you like it or not, your husband WILL have to pay child support for the child that he helped to make - even if it was an affair. Relinquishing of rights does not mean that he has absolutely no obligation to the child. It just means that he has no visitation rights and can make no legal decisions for the child. Think about it, any person that has a child, married or not, has a responsibility to care for the child unless it is given up for adoption by both parents.

Your husband has a RIGHT to be in that child's life. It is not right for you to force him to choose between you or the unborn child. The unborn child is innocent in all of this.

talaniman · Dec 28, 2007, 09:23 AM

What are our legal responsibilities of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.

Child support.

What are our moral responsibilities?

To make sure the chilld, is loved and safe.
The second question was mine, and far more important than the first one.

J_9 · Dec 28, 2007, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by boysmomx2

My husband had an affair and now the homewrecker is pregnant. She knew he was married because I have spoken to her. My husband has agreed to relinquish his rights because he want to be married to me and make our marriage better. We have two children of our own under the age of 5. I already told him it was my way or the highway. He is not to have any contact with her or the baby when it arrives. What are our legal responsibilities of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.

And from your other post:

Originally Posted by boysmomx2

I am in a similar situation. My husband of 9 years dating and together 22 had an affair and the home wrecker is pregnant. We have two boys and I already told him if our life is going to be together he is relinquishing his rights and she will have to deal with the fact that she knew she slept with a married man. I hate it for her. But she was warned to stay away from my husband on four different occasions. SHe is nothing but white trash as far as I am concerned. She knew he was married and now she need to deal with it. I was always taught you lay with dogs you get fleas. Never poop where you eat. But now he is going to play by my rules and not his own. Its going to be my way or the highway. If he does not want it this way he is to pack his bags and go now. I am not stopping him. I have already lost 70 pounds in the 4 months that I have known about her being pregnant. I am good to go. I can find someone who will adore me the way I will adore them. My husband know now what he has and is rethinking why he did what he did. OH well you screwed up and now you will be paying the piper.

She knew she slept with a married man, and he was a married man who had an affair. You are blaming only one person here, her, not your husband. He is equally at fault.

Much less, you are blaming an innocent fetus for the deeds of it's biological parents.

She knew he was married and now she need to deal with it.

He knew he was married also, why shouldn't HE have to deal with it?

But now he is going to play by my rules and not his own. Its going to be my way or the highway. If he does not want it this way he is to pack his bags and go now.

Are you always this controlling?

Now, for your answer to the question at hand...

Relinquishing his rights only means that he has no say as to how or where the child is raised. He has no rights making decisions about the raising of the innocent child, including medical decisions that may save the life of the child. It in no way means that he will not be financially responsible for the child.

There are consequences to every action. His action - affair... the consequences - he is financially obligated to help raise the child.

Boyosmomx2, I have been in your shoes, my ex had an affair also, the product of his affair is a beautiful 16 year old girl who I met this past fall at our son's wedding. The homewrecker was not invited to attend. If you are this bitter, and this controlling, it might be wise to leave him. There was no way I could stay with my ex after the affair (I had 2 boys also). I just couldn't do it, the trust was gone.

So, my suggestion to you would be to contact a divorce attorney.

NowWhat · Dec 28, 2007, 05:31 PM

I would have to question the motives behind relinquishing rights. Do you think that by doing so, it will be as if your husband never had an affair that produced a child?
The fact is this - your husband has another child (or will) out there. It is not fair to this innocent child to lose his father. He/she did not ask to come into the world this way.
Your husband knew what he was doing when he made this baby.
Now he needs to step up and be a dad to this baby. And you need to let him

talaniman · Dec 28, 2007, 05:51 PM

Blame anyone you want, but the child.

J_9 · Dec 28, 2007, 06:42 PM

Look, she could not get pregnant without HIS participation. You can't put all the blame on her? He is just as guilty as she is.

So, he is the homewrecker too.

sunnyMI · Dec 28, 2007, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Your post makes me feel sick. Sure the kid is not yours, but if he is your husbands, then the kid should have contact with his biological father period. You can blame the other woman homewrecker all you want, but that man you are giving orders to is responsible as well. The kid didn't make him have the affair. Why is it you still would take this man back, but not the child he is responsible for? If you truely loved him, I would think that anything that is part of him could share that love as well. Sure, it would be easier to avoid anything to do with that "problem", but you'll also enjoy the years of family knowledge that your kids have a half-sibling out there, that daddy skipped out on.
On the other hand, if you both work together for the child in the right way, it could actually help your marriage...a lot more than those ultimatums you gave him. I know you are angry and want that entire mess to be gone, but taking him back should also include the bad with the good...yes it will mess up your life as it was, but that has already happened.
I know you probably wont like my message, and I don't care if you want to rate me poorly, but at least I feel I've said it.

I agree! It takes two to make a child, so your husband is just as responsible as the "homewrecker". The child did not have a choice in this matter, so it is not right for you to take away his/her chances to know their own father. It would appear you and your husband have bigger issues you need to deal with but it is NOT fair for you to say you will not want him involved in his child's life. It seems to me that you think if he avoids any contact or responsibility it will make the "affair" as if it never happened... being in denial is not the answer!! There is a child involved!!

shygrneyzs · Dec 28, 2007, 06:49 PM

To say this woman is the homewrecker is not all fair - I agree with the others, your husband is the second half of that homewrecking duo. He is just as guilty. Put the responsibility where it belongs. If you cannot be civil in this - yes, I know just how hard this is for you - then you need to decide if you are staying with this chump or leaving.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2007, 06:53 PM

Sorry but men can not be pregnant, and he is the home wrecker, since he knew he was married when "HE" sleep with this women. So please don't blame the women alone, if you forgive your husband, who is the most at fault forgive her also. Next it is not the babies fault and you are a terrible person for trying to make your husband not have any contact with his own child. This is one of the most hateful things I have heard on this board in years and we get a lot here. So I would go for the highway if you had ever orderred this to me, and that would be my advice to him if he came here asking.

And for course no matter if he gives up his rights or not ( which most likely the court would not allow) he will still have to pay child support every month for the next 18 to 21 years, so there will be contact also when they take him back to court over the years if child support is late or to modify the agreement when he makes more money.

So you have absolutely no idea what will have to reallly happen and the sooner your plans include the child in his life the better off and the faster you may heal the relastionship

froggy7 · Dec 28, 2007, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by boysmomx2

My husband had an affair and now the homewrecker is pregnant. She knew he was married because I have spoken to her. My husband has agreed to relinquish his rights because he want to be married to me and make our marriage better. We have two children of our own under the age of 5. I already told him it was my way or the highway. He is not to have any contact with her or the baby when it arrives. What are our legal responsibilites of a child from an affair in South Carolina. Can anyone help.

I'll agree with everyone else that you are being cruel and vindictive in your demands. I will also just point out that if he decides on "the highway" rather than giving up this child, your two boys are going to be shuttling back and forth between two households. Which means that they are quite likely to meet the "homewrecker's" kid, because he will probably have visitation with both sets of kids at the same time at some point. So what exactly are you going to accomplish here?

ScottGem · Dec 28, 2007, 08:40 PM

I can only add that if you were this controlling and vindictive before he had his affair, I can understand what drove him into another woman's arms.

oneguyinohio · Dec 28, 2007, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

This is one of the most hateful things I have heard on this board in years

Glad to know it wasn't just something I found disturbing! I wonder if the OP is reading the comments and reconsidering anything?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2007, 09:14 PM

Most likely calling us cheating lying men. She wants her way, and not what is right and fair for anyone else. And wants to deny the truth, even if they do stay together for a bit this away, she will not be happy and will always find fault with this man because she has not placed him to blame, not that they may not be able to make it, but not this way, ( best odds)
Sounds more like she just found out and is striking out in anger not judgement

NowWhat · Dec 29, 2007, 05:58 AM

Being the "victim" of an affair is awful. I know. It is one of the hardest things I have had to over come in my marriage. And his affair did not produce a child. If it had, I don't think I could handle it and would have taken my child and left.

I don't think I agree with ScottGem at all.

"I can only add that if you were this controlling and vindictive before he had his affair, I can understand what drove him into another woman's arms."

No matter what, he made a vow to you, through good times and bad. So if you are controlling, he probably knew that before he married you. That is no excuse for his betrayal.

Having said that, the rules have changed a bit now. There is an innocent child to think about now. It goes way beyond you and him. Doesn't EVERY child deserve to be loved and made to feel wanted by their parent?
By denying your husband his right to be a father to his child, you are setting yourself up to fail. He WILL end up resenting you and leaving or cheating again. I am sure you do not want that and with the way things are that is exactly what you are trying to avoid.

There was a girl on this board that had a similar situation, although it was her longtime boyfriend that she considered her soulmate. Anyway, he cheated, produced a child.
She said that she would stay, but wanted to be there in every aspect of the process of seeing this kid. She put so many conditions on this guy that I am sure he felt like he was choking.
Bottom line, after the child was born (2 weeks) and he had not seen his child because of the "conditions" set - he snapped and ended his relationship because he couldn't take it.
She was crushed. Because she thought she had it all figured out. IF she controlled the situation, she could control the hurt or whatever.
It backfired. As it will in your situation if you don't learn to loosen up. Either deal with this child or take your kids and leave - start a new life.

sunnyMI · Dec 29, 2007, 07:00 AM

Either deal with this child or take your kids and leave - start a new life.

In taking her kids she will only be hurting them! Just as this other child deserves to know their father, so does his first two children with his wife. All children involved have an equal right to know and have both parents in their lives!!

ScottGem · Dec 29, 2007, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by NowWhat

I don't think I agree with ScottGem at all.

"I can only add that if you were this controlling and vindictive before he had his affair, I can understand what drove him into another woman's arms."

No matter what, he made a vow to you, through good times and bad. So if you are controlling, he probably knew that before he married you. That is no excuse for his betrayal.

I didn't say it excused the betrayal, only made it more understandable. If that's what drove him away, then he should have ended the marriage before taking up with someone else.

But the divorce courts are full of people who learned their parents true nature only after they married them. Its not a given that he knew it going in.

froggy7 · Dec 29, 2007, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by NowWhat

It backfired. As it will in your situation if you don't learn to loosen up. Either deal with this child or take your kids and leave - start a new life.

She can't just "take her kids and leave". They are not "her kids", they are both of theirs kids. They are going to be tied together until those kids are 18, and even if they wind up divorcing over this, the kids deserve to have a good relationship with their father. However, going on the mother's attitude, kids are going to get hurt in this. It's just a question of which set.