[MyKidzRMyLife]

I have been with my husband for almost 14 years, married for 5 years. He has cheated with random girls multiple times over the years. It has always been like a one night stand type of situation, no side relationship but regardless a definite trust-breaker. In 2010 we lost our second child and he was out of the home for 15 months. In those 15 months, I cheated with one guy, but multiple times. We were technically still married, but not "together". One of his incidents was oral sex received from my "bestfriend", needless to say who is no longer a friend. I thought that was the worst ever to cross that line on top of cheating. Myself esteem with him is ruined because he has always cheated with girls that are not so pretty so it's really nothing I can compete with. I feel I am setting myself up for failure because it continuously happens and even after a BIG second chance and surviving the loss of a child, he takes our family for granted. I confessed to my mistake before he found out and he was ENRAGED! He says this time the reason he cheated was because he never forgave me but seems sorry but I don't know if that's just a ploy to make me feel sorry because I insisted this is where I draw the line and want a divorce... He has always come to me with his confession, although I do snoop in his stuff, I have never found hard evidence and would have never known without him telling me. We also have an 8 year old son and a son on the way, due in 5 weeks! Not only do I not want my children to grow up in a broken home, but boys need their father and he's GREAT dad, just not so great of a husband at times. I also understand that it's sometimes better to be from a broken home than from an unhappy home... I need advice and outside opinions please! I don't want to be the dumb, unhappy, insecure wife forever, can we get past this or do you think he will continue to screw around?

[odinn7]

Sure he will... he's been doing it and doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it. You have given him no reason to stop, have you?

He sounds like a bum. Actually, to be completely honest, both of you sound like you could use some counseling in this situation. Other than that, I would say that you need to be prepared for more cheating because I don't see why he would stop.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm an investigator - I work matrimonial surveillances. There are two types of cheaters - serial cheaters who never stop; one-time cheaters who learn a lesson and never cheat again. Only you know the category into which your husband falls.

I am concerned because you seem to think that although you both cheated he cheated with multiple partners, you cheated (multiple times) with one so he's worse than you are. I don't see it that way.

I think you need counselling - both of you or go alone if he won't go.

You are enabling his behavior. Stop enabling him and get help for your marriage.

[MyKidzRMyLife]

I agree with both of you and am not trying to downplay my mistakes in any way. I just feel that I owned up to my mistake while he blames me for his cheating and hasn't taken full responsibility for his actions. We have attended counseling in the past, at his request actually, but didn't do a lot of good. :( I don't want to split our family up especially with a child on the way, but don't want to continue "enabling" him. I know I'm not a "serial cheater" but he may be... Do you believe that he may have a problem that he's addicted to sex or is he just a loser? His answer this time is we need to get into church and change our lives and learn to forgive each other and go from there, but I don't know if I'm up for it, because it may just be bs and he revert back just when I think things are good again...

[JudyKayTee]

Only you know whether you can trust what he tells you. We don't know him. Try another counsellor.

I do not believe in sex addiction (I've heard it too many times from too many places while I'm working) but there are those who do.

You can't speak for him - maybe you can forgive him. Can he forgive you?

And only you know whether you can put your heart on the line again, trusting him and maybe he's not being straight with you.

I don't know what I would do - other than keep my eyes wide open and have a backup ("You're out of here") plan on file.

If he is sleeping around eventually he is going to bring home an STD to you and your children.

[larabev]

I think you should dump him! If you still like him ask some quistens. He might be able to answer them. If it doesn't work dump him.