Check out some similar questions!

jessicasmith · Apr 1, 2011, 07:13 PM

Today my boyfriend said he wants to f me but I don't have birthcontrol pills and I can't let my mom know I need them and I am so scared they the condom would break what do I do

ScottGem · Apr 1, 2011, 07:21 PM

How old are you? How old is your boyfriend? How long have you been together?

jessicasmith · Apr 2, 2011, 09:17 AM

I'm 16 an he's 17 we've been togethe since we were 12

NukeNC · Apr 2, 2011, 10:09 AM

This is actually the reason why I didn't have sex for awhile, I was paranoid about the condom breaking. After the first time and every thing goes fine, you'll feel a lot better.

If you truly don't want to have sex until you have birth control, you really should at least try to talk to your mom. I mean if your not mature enough to try to talk to her about it, maybe your not mature enough to be having sex in the first place.

jessicasmith · Apr 2, 2011, 10:34 AM

This is true

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2011, 12:43 PM

First birth control is not 100 percent and even if you use condoms and birth control pills they are not 100 percent and you can ( although the odds are a lot less) still get pregnant using both. Plus if on the pill you have to take it on a regular basis, not missing any pills or they are less effective.

So unless you are ready to be pregnant, there is no really safe sex

ScottGem · Apr 2, 2011, 03:12 PM

OK, At least you are in a committed relationship and are probably over the age of consent. However, in my opinion NO ONE should engage in sexual intercourse until they are physically, emotionally and financially prepared to have a child.

It would seem that emotionally and financially you are not ready. And, if your boyfriend is pressuring you maybe its time to rethink your relationship.

NukeNC · Apr 2, 2011, 05:22 PM

Okay, lets face it though. Sex is something all teenagers think about, and most teenagers do have sex with no intention of having a child. I've engaged in sex numerous times (I'm 19 by the way) and am not even close to being financially ready for being a child and I think that's okay.

If you feel ready for sex, then have sex. We aren't animals, sex is also a tool for pleasure for us humans and 99% of teenagers are going to want to have sex, and will have sex if the chance arises and they are with someone they care a lot for.

ScottGem · Apr 2, 2011, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by NukeNC

Okay, lets face it though. Sex is something all teenagers think about, and most teenagers do have sex with no intention of having a child. I've engaged in sex numerous times (I'm 19 by the way) and am not even close to being financially ready for being a child and I think that's okay.

If you feel ready for sex, then have sex. We aren't animals, sex is also a tool for pleasure for us humans and 99% of teenagers are going to want to have sex, and will have sex if the chance arises and they are with someone they care a lot for.

So if everyone does it, it's OK? And what happens when the condom is defective or you don't take your pill properly or whatever contraception you use fails? Maybe you are willing to take that risk but not everyone is or should be.

Yes sex is pleasurable, but its not a tool for pleasure. It was designed by whatever force designed the system of reproduction to ensure that beings procreated for the continuation of the species. And there are ways of enjoying the pleasure without sexual intercourse. And the fact that we aren't animals negates your argument. Animals have a biological imperative to mate. Unlike humans who mate by choice.

I am not naïve, I understand the realities of teenage sex. But that doesn't mean we should condone or promote it. If we have to scare teens into abstaining, well the alternative of having a child before you are ready is even scarier.

So please don't give bad advice because you have dodged the bullet and not gotten pregnant. Or because "everyone" allegedly does it or, worst of all, because you don't think it can be stopped.

adviceishere · Apr 3, 2011, 12:44 AM

If my boyfriend told me he wants to "F" me, id tell him to get lost until he could speak to me with a few more manners. It's a disgusting way to talk to someone... let alone try get a girl into bed!

kcomissiong · Apr 4, 2011, 09:00 AM

As someone who became a parent at the age of 19, I can certainly sympathize with your desire to be intimate with someone you have had such a long relationship with. However, Every time you have sex, you are making the decision to possibly become a parent. Are you truly ready for that possibility with a guy who just wants to f you? If you cannot have a frank discussion with your significant other, or your parents about your concerns or fears, then I don't think you are ready. Ignoring the possible consequences doesn't make them go away and not talking about them doesn't make them any less real.

A mature decision would be to say, I'm ready, and I'll take all the steps necessary to protect myself, INCLUDING, having a conversation with your parents and BF about the responsibilities that come with sex (like parenting), or to say, I'm not ready to deal with the fall out and consequences, and I'll wait until I am.

NukeNC · Apr 4, 2011, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

So if everyone does it, it's OK? And what happens when the condom is defective or you don't take your pill properly or whatever contraception you use fails? Maybe you are willing to take that risk but not everyone is or should be.

Yes sex is pleasurable, but its not a tool for pleasure. It was designed by whatever force designed the system of reproduction to ensure that beings procreated for the continuation of the species. And there are ways of enjoying the pleasure without sexual intercourse. And the fact that we aren't animals negates your argument. Animals have a biological imperative to mate. Unlike humans who mate by choice.

I am not naive, I understand the realities of teenage sex. But that doesn't mean we should condone or promote it. If we have to scare teens into abstaining, well the alternative of having a child before you are ready is even scarier.

So please don't give bad advice because you have dodged the bullet and not gotten pregnant. Or because "everyone" allegedly does it or, worst of all, because you don't think it can be stopped.

Well, its obvious that YOU are not going to see anybodys point of view but your own. I guess everybody has a different outlook on sex, some people AKA me think that its fine as long as you are in a committed relationship.

Fact of the matter is, when your with someone for a long enough period, sex looms on your mind. You'll want the connection with the person that sex leads to. Sex in this day and age really isn't just for having children anymore. People shouldn't be frightened that "Well, what if the condoms breaks or the pill doesn't work?" what if the world had that kind of paranoid thinking? Condoms and birth control are used to prevent pregnency. Sure, its not 100% but I could go outside and get mauled to death by a killer dog too. Not 100% chance it won't happen.

If you feel ready for SEX, not to have a child then you should have sex. You should feel emotionally ready and be with somebody you love.

But, everybody is entitled to their opinion. Abstinence is another way to go, I just personally don't agree with it.

adviceishere · Apr 4, 2011, 12:10 PM

The OP said she is scared, she never once said she's ready, she's asking us what she should do, so no one is going to advise her to have sex if she doesn't feel ready and if she felt ready she would not have expressed her fears to us, she'd have made her own mind up.

ScottGem · Apr 4, 2011, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by NukeNC

Well, its obvious that YOU are not going to see anybodys point of view but your own. I guess everybody has a different outlook on sex, some people AKA me think that its fine as long as you are in a commited relationship.

Wrong again. I do very much see your point of view. However, the advice you are giving is irresponsible and dangerous. Even with the caveats you place on it telling minors its OK to have sexual intercourse is very wrong. And, more importantly, its against the policy of this site.

Originally Posted by NukeNC

Sex in this day and age really isn't just for having children anymore.

It never was. Sex as recreation has existed for as long as sex has. Doesn't make it a good thing.

Originally Posted by NukeNC

People shouldn't be frightened that "Well, what if the condoms breaks or the pill doesn't work?"

Oh but yes it should! Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility. And too many are doing so without regard to that responsibility.

Originally Posted by NukeNC

If you feel ready for SEX, not to have a child then you should have sex. You should feel emotionally ready and be with somebody you love.

And how do you know you are ready? Hormones, peer pressure and more will convince someone they are ready way before they really are. Do you really believe a 14-15 yr old is mature enough to understand the implications of having sexual relations?

See that's the whole thing. Your total argument is it feels good so do it. You almost completely ignore the issues of responsibility, emotional development, etc. So its easy to pick apart your arguments. But the bottom line here is that this site does not condone or promote sexual intercourse for minors. And anyone who does so will have their advice picked apart or removed.

NukeNC · Apr 4, 2011, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Wrong again. I do very much see your point of view. However, the advice you are giving is irresponsible and dangerous. Even with the caveats you place on it telling minors its OK to have sexual intercourse is very wrong. And, more importantly, its against the policy of this site.

It never was. Sex as recreation has existed for as long as sex has. doesn't make it a good thing.

Oh but yes it should! Bringing a child into this world is an enormous responsibility. And too many are doing so without regard to that responsibility.

And how do you know you are ready? Hormones, peer pressure and more will convince someone they are ready way before they really are. Do you really believe a 14-15 yr old is mature enough to understand the implications of having sexual relations??

See that's the whole thing. Your total argument is it feels good so do it. You almost completely ignore the issues of responsibility, emotional development, etc. So its easy to pick apart your arguments. But the bottom line here is that this site does not condone or promote sexual intercourse for minors. And anyone who does so will have their advice picked apart or removed.

Your very defensive against my Opinion. As I said, I can see your point of view its just not something that I personally agree with. I'm 18, I'm only two years older than her so I know what she is going through as I having first had sex when I was 17. I am simply giving my two cents on the whole thing. Picking apart what I say to try to strengthen your point of view isn't going to do either of us good. We both are entitled to our opinions on the matter.

ScottGem · Apr 4, 2011, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by NukeNC

Your very defensive against my PERSONAL opinion. As I said, I can see your point of view its just not something that I personally agree with. I'm 18, I'm only two years older than her so I know what she is going through as I having first had sex when I was 17. I am simply giving my two cents on the whole thing. Picking apart what I say to try to strengthen your point of view isn't going to do either of us good. We both are entitled to our opinions on the matter.

No you really don't see my point of view. I'm not being defensive, I'm trying to give the OP good advice. You are giving her advice that may have worked for you and only so far. Because you have managed to engage in sexual intercourse without getting pregnant so far, gives you a sense of safety that is false. And you are passing that along which is bad advice. Picking apart what you say isn't meant to do you any good at all. It IS, however, meant to show the OP what the safest course of action is.

Finally, you are, of course, entitled to your opinion on this matter, just as I am entitled to mine. But what you fail to get is that you are going against the policies of this site, I'm supporting them. And I think that is all we will entertain on this subject.

martinizing2 · Apr 4, 2011, 07:43 PM

If your boyfriend talks to you like that
(I want to f--- you)
You need to take a look at the relationship.

If he really loves you and cares about you,
He will wait if you tell him you're not ready.

The pressure for sex will stop if he
Respects you.
And if he doesn't respect you and care
About how you feel ,
You don't need or want anyone like
That in your life.

This is where he can show you how he feels
By respecting your decision and supporting you.

This is his big chance to show you what he is about.
Eliminates the guess work.

Alty · Apr 4, 2011, 10:20 PM

Condoms and birth control are used to prevent pregnency. Sure, its not 100% but I could go outside and get mauled to death by a killer dog too. Not 100% chance it won't happen.

I just want to point out that I don't personally know one person that was mauled to death by a dog, but I do personally know 12 women that got pregnant using 2 or more forms of birth control.

That's really something you should consider when you use this argument.

Cat1864 · Apr 5, 2011, 05:52 AM

Jessica, I just read some of your other posts and something that struck me as a red flag is that you went against your parents' wishes and pierced your belly button. That worked out for you. However, I don't think they would be as forgiving if they find out you went behind their backs to get birth control and start having sex.

Not only is against site policy to encourage minors to have sex, it is against my personal policy to encourage minors to disobey their parents. If you can't talk to your parents about birth control, then having sex with your boyfriend is probably not allowed. Rebelling against your parents or keeping a boyfriend are not good reasons to screw up your life.

Here's an interesting thought for you: three of my daughter's friends (each 16/17) who had been with their boyfriends for three or more years, broke up within two months of having sex for the first time. Another one of her friends who is now 16 got pregnant last year and her boyfriend of two years (the father of her baby) disappeared. The state is looking for him.

ramona_ · Apr 6, 2011, 11:07 AM

I believe teen sex shouldn't be encouraged but embraced. We all have sex, it's what every living organism does. I don't believe the best approach is to scare this young woman out of it. If she feels ready and she is in a committed relationship then why not? Sex gives you and your partner a bond which only sex can give.

I suggest you go to your doctor or GP and ask them about sex and birth control, they will happily fill you in and inform you on the risks, the pro's and con's of certain birth controls, what to do if contraception fails and they will be happy to answer any questions you may have; don't be afraid! Talk to your mum about it as well, she knows a lot more and could give you important advice, that way if the condom breaks or birth control fails she will be able to help you make the right decisions and will not be shocked or hurt by the fact you were having sex and not telling her because she will know that birth control failure happens at any age - it just seems a little more scary when you are younger.

How old are you? Legal age is different in every state/country. In England, the legal age of consent is 16 years old but doctors will give you birth control if they feel that you are safe and not getting it just to be able to have sex with any random guy, even if you are under that age. They will not tell your parents as they have to obied by a set of confidentiality rules.

Be safe and don't let your boyfriend or anyone else pressure you into it. good luck.