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anon-o-mas · Feb 21, 2008, 03:02 AM

well here's the deal

I'm a 19 year old male and I'm a virgin. Its completely my choice(ive turned down sex more times than anybody I know). I'm an atheist so this has nothing to do with any sort of religion, I just want something more than a quick you know. I've only dated one person seriously. She was a Christian so there was no problems avoiding it there. But here lately I've run into a huge bump. I'm in college and I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex and its getting really hard to turn down. And all the girls get pissed when I say no and want nothing to do with me. I'm afraid of throwing away my values, but I'm a guy and my primal instincts are running rampant.
I could go on but it takes too much time so here are my questions

are there any girls left that want to connect instead of and run.
and what can I do to cope with my temptations.
do girls even like virgins.
edit- to makes things a little more clear I'm not apposed to sex at all in fact I want it I just need a bond for me to be comfortable.

I don't know thanks for reading

nicki143 · Feb 21, 2008, 03:17 AM

Your virgininty is one thing no one can take away from you keep it until you feel it is right. When you meet the right girl she will not be bothered that you are a virgin.

Synnen · Feb 21, 2008, 06:03 AM

The short answer is Yes, those girls are out there.

The counter question is: Where are you looking for them?

DMA · Feb 21, 2008, 08:45 AM

I want the same thing as you. I am 21 male virgin but I've not exactly had girls throw themselves at me.

Yes you may be gaging for it sometimes. But I still think you should NOT throw away your values. Anyone that gets pissed at you after you tell them what you want is not worth it.

Question: Are most young women like this? Maybe you need to meet older women.

smoothy · Feb 21, 2008, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

The short answer is Yes, those girls are out there.

The counter question is: Where are you looking for them?

Got to agree... You might be looking in all the wrong places.

Bars and clubs for one are NOT the right place.

Choux · Feb 21, 2008, 12:03 PM

You sound like a terrific guy. Why not look in a more mature age group for an affair(30ish). Lots of women love virgin boys because they are more honest emotionally and learn very quickly. They are very easy to love in a non-physical way as well as a physical way.

In order to meet good women, you have to be out in life, not in bars or in your room. A part time job in a restaurant in a university town would be a good place to meet all kinds of women and practice conversation with older women. Also, participating in co-ed sports that older women play like tennis and golf. I just learned that bowling is making a comeback! Being on a bowling team in a large co-ed bowling league makes for meeting all kinds of people.

Be open to meeting all kinds of women from all walks of life just to get to know women... time to start broadening your horizons and slowly get out of your insular student life to date.

Have a wonderful 2008!

Shorty87 · Feb 21, 2008, 12:24 PM

I'm still a virgin and would love to find a guy the same way. So yes there are girls out there. I go to the bars and clubs and would have to say that I'm a party girl but I keep my morals and values about me. No matter how skimpy I dress... thats the most you will ever see of me! Lol. I figure you won't find something if you are looking to hard... it just bumps into I guess. (take for exapmle when you tear your room apart looking for the essay due in a hour and what do you know... it was right there all along) I don't know. That's just my take on it.

Xrayman · Feb 21, 2008, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by Shorty87

i'm still a virgin and would love to find a guy the same way. so yes there are girls out there. i go to the bars and clubs and would have to say that i'm a party girl but i keep my morals and values about me. no matter how skimpy i dress....thats the most you will ever see of me! lol. i figure you won't find something if you are looking to hard....it just bumps into i guess. (take for exapmle when you tear your room apart looking for the essay due in a hour and what do you know...it was right there all along) i don't know. thats just my take on it.

MMMM shorty, I'm not entirely convinced the way you describe your attitude/dress and places that you frequent make me think that YOU are actually looking in the wrong places yourself and sending conflicting messages...

I may be wrong but it is confusing to me.. :confused:

smoothy · Feb 22, 2008, 06:12 AM

Originally Posted by Xrayman

MMMM shorty, I'm not entirely convinced the way you describe your attitude/dress and places that you frequent make me think that YOU are actually looking in the wrong places yourself and sending conflicting messages.....

I may be wrong but it is confusing to me..:confused:

Got to agree...

white-rose · Feb 22, 2008, 06:24 AM

Why don't you get in a serious relationship? If you are around girls who only want one night stands... well what does that really say about what kind of person they are? If you are looking to "connect", it sounds as if you are the kind if guy who needs to be comfortable with who he's with. Why not get into a relationship? Its very hard to connect with girls who don't want the same thing. But you are definitely in the minority! A guy who wants a relationship over sex? Its not common to find a guy your age who wants to stay committed to one woman! That fact alone should draw the right kind of woman to you. Sometimes you have to look for the right one too, when you do, let her know. Its not about sex all the time, sometimes you need to love someone first. Goodluck!

slapshot_oi · Feb 22, 2008, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by anon-o-mas

well heres the deal

im a 19 year old male and im a virgin. its completely my choice(ive turned down sex more times than anybody i know). im an atheist so this has nothing to do with any sort of religion, i just want something more than a quick ya know. ive only dated one person seriously. she was a Christian so there was no problems avoiding it there. but here lately ive run into a huge bump. im in college and i get alot of attention from the opposite sex and its getting really hard to turn down. and all the girls get pissed when i say no and want nothing to do with me. im afraid of throwing away my values, but im a guy and my primal instincts are running rampant.
i could go on but it takes to much time so here are my questions

are there any girls left that want to connect instead of and run.
and what can i do to cope with my temptations.
do girls even like virgins.
edit- to makes things a little more clear im not apposed to sex at all in fact i want it i just need a bond for me to be comfortable.

i dont know thanks for reading

If you speak the truth, then the first girl you sleep with will want to marry you.

I feel you man, one-night stands aren't anything special. They've caused more harm and worry than any enjoyment. You won't find many honorable broads in college, as freshman they are sluts, only around the senior year do they get their priorities straight. So if you're still game for waiting, you have another four years ahead of you.

Best of luck.

Shorty87 · Feb 22, 2008, 06:48 PM

True that smoothy and xrayman. Maybe that's why I'm still single. Hum... actually thank you. I think I needed someone to point that out for me. Goodness me... now what am I going to do with myself?

Mr_am · Feb 22, 2008, 07:05 PM

I agree with white-rose. You need someone serious... a virgin like you. Take your time to find the right person who believes in 1-1 relationship on the long term (a marriage for example). People with strict good values are hard to find. Keep on and do not fall in temptations.. wait for the right person for you. Good luck.

N0help4u · Feb 22, 2008, 07:53 PM

The girls that would get mad at you for turning them down are most likely shallow and you are better off sticking to your values. Start to get to know some girls that you think you might be interested in and take it from there. It is worth waiting for someone you are happy with than jumping the gun to be with someone that you don't hit it off with.

alannaxxbby · Feb 22, 2008, 10:52 PM

That's actually a pretty good thing. Maybe your just confused. And yes looking in all the wrong places. You want to be committed to someone before you throw yourself at them. Its good to wait until you love someone until you have sex with them. ;] good luck!

Anarchy42 · Feb 29, 2008, 11:19 PM

All of this tying virginity to values is a little sickening, actually. Plus you seem to be putting down the women who enjoy your company enough to want you to touch them.

Sex is a part of emotional growth. Not the only part, and not the main part. But it is important in a relationship. I'm not saying jump on every one-night-stand (not that you ever actually said that the women you were dating just wanted one night stands - which somehow I doubt. Heck, maybe you're treating them that way). I'm just saying let it evolve naturally.

Why commit yourself one way or another? If it happens, it happens.

N0help4u · Mar 1, 2008, 01:43 PM

anarchy: disagree:

Values or whatever you/he wants to call it...
something is holding him back from just wanting any girl
maybe he wants somebody he can relate to... whatever
I just picked the values word as a catch all and he used it himself.
I could have added a bunch of other words but assumed values covered things enough.

and if a girl "gets pissed when i say no and want nothing to do with me."
im afraid of throwing away my values,
He used the word himself anyway and it is HIS problem we are discussing!

Yes the girls are shallow if they get pissy and don't want anything more to do with you.
IF a girl felt you were 'the one' she would see it as an obstacle and challenge to overcome.

S0 Anarchy is missing the point where he says let it evolve IF the girls want nothing more to do with you then what is there to evolve?
IF the girls get pissed what is the point of evolving anything!

And who said anything about letting himself get vulnerable?

He said he feels like he might be not that he has.

Anarchy42 · Mar 1, 2008, 04:17 PM

Anarchy: disagree:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

And who said anything about letting himself get vulnerable?

I was talking about the girls who want sex. They are putting themselves in a vulnerable position. Of course they feel hurt when rejected. No one likes to be rejected. That doesn't make them shallow. This guy isn't the only one with feelings.
Obviously if sex is important to the girls he's been seeing, but not to him, then they probably aren't the ones for him.

I think my agressivenes in my previous answer came out of the comment "as freshman they are sluts" (which wasn't your comment I understand, or in the original question - so perhaps I was a little harsh). Made me a little deffensive of the so called "sluts."

We've really got to stop throwing "slut" around like that. There is no need to think that being comfortable with your own sexuality is an immoral thing.

N0help4u · Mar 1, 2008, 04:50 PM

They could be sluts and he could have been making a very valid statement.
To what degree would you call a girl a slut?
Does comfortable with your own sexuality mean jumping from guy to guy without getting to know the guy and getting pissed off if he isn't going for it. And 3 guys later 30 guys later.
I know lots of girls that jump from guy to guy and have been with tons of guys before they even graduate high school. Many girls are not vulnerable to being hurt because they are often the ones seducing and then dumping the guys.
All I am saying is he expects more from a relationship he should look for it then!
You can define or not define anything whatever way you want but if he is looking for something different it doesn't matter how much you sugar coat it.

Anarchy42 · Mar 2, 2008, 11:28 AM

I wouldn't call anyone a slut. It's a vile term. It takes two to have sex.