Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    BitterTiger's Avatar
    BitterTiger Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 3, 2015, 07:51 AM
    Can't stop thinking of dead boyfriend
    Ok my boyfriend committed suicide at the end of 2013.. I was only 17 at the time... And I had been told by the police only half hour after he was found and made to do a statement... I can't stop thinking about him.. I was best friends with him and we were dating for & months when he did it.. I tried to help him when he was down but it was never good enough..

    I get bullied because of his death (told to kill myself too, that I should be dead not him, I was the reason he did it, I should go drown, I should hang myself too) and I just can't take thinking about him anymore..

    Everything I do links back to him.. It's like he takes over my brain and sometimes I just can't stop crying, like how..

    Can someone please help me get over him.. I've dated since but I always see his face when I'm around them so I quite trying to date because I can't take it.. To make things harder I met his doppelgänger in my birthday last year and had massive panic attack.. He lived at the same student accommodation as I do...

    Also to make it worse I hullucinate him talking to me and my phone used to tell me he was texting me... I want to stop thinking about him.. I'm over the tears.. I'm over the PTSD, depression, anxiety and panic attacks that I have..

    Someone please tell me how to make it stop, Please... I can't deal with it any longer :((((
    LearningAsIGo's Avatar
    LearningAsIGo Posts: 2,653, Reputation: 350
    Survivor
     
    #2

    Jan 5, 2015, 07:32 AM
    I'm sorry for your loss. That is certainly very traumatic for anyone to go through and being bullied on top of it is something you shouldn't have to deal with. Please don't take those awful words to heart.

    I applaud you for seeking out help. It's hard for us to do much over the Internet, so have you found a local counselor or support group that you could speak to? I'm not sure where you're located, but this website might help.
    SAVE | SAVE Suicide Bereavement Support Group Database
    -or-
    Front page - Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide

    You are not alone in your grieving and finding others with your specific situation would be a wonderful way for you to start to move on. Grieving is a marathon, not a sprint, so it will take time. How much time is different for everyone.

    There are lots of resources available if you Google "Suicide Bereavement Support".
    Journaling is something that may also help. It may sound silly, but when I lost someone I cared about, I felt I needed to say some things to him I didn't get a chance to do. I wrote a letter to him, expressing my love and appreciation, as well as my anger at him for leaving. I took it to his grave, read it and destroyed it. Doing that, I felt a release of all the pent-up emotions. My friend did that with a balloon when she lost her mother. She tied a note to it and released it for "mom to find in heaven" and felt the same sense of satisfaction.

    I hope you can find a way to find peace again. Good luck to you and God bless.
    Illusion's Avatar
    Illusion Posts: 195, Reputation: 33
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Jan 9, 2015, 01:10 AM
    I agree with the post above that you need to talk to other people about what you are going through. What you are moving through is your grief - your thoughts about your boyfriend are part of that - and part of your love for him that lives on. I am sorry that other people are being mean to you - I mean, it is just horrible that anyone would tell you to go and kill yourself and all this other stuff when you are already so hurt. Whoever is doing that is just hurting you more, it is so unnecessary and causing you despair. What you need most is to know that you are loved and that you will be well - that right now you are moving through a sea of emotions and pain because your loved one died. But you are going to get through this - know that because so many of us have had to survive terrible loss and pain. People we loved and continue to love to this day. Keep a journal, talk to other people, cry - but do not stand still. If you can, see about getting spiritual help. Sometimes it is not just vital - but necessary to know that there is a higher power in all this, that you are not alone. You may find comfort in prayer and in asking for peace and comfort, safety and well-being. You also need to rest and to seek out things that you enjoy - reading or walking with a friend, listening to music. Anything so long as it is re-assuring to you because that is what you most need.

    Some of the bereavement sites on-line have books on loss and losing a loved one. Even if you don't feel like it, do it anyway and read something. And the tears will come, because believe me, I was once sitting in a traffic jam and I suddenly began to cry a river of tears over my father. And I had been fine that day and suddenly it just hit me and I was overcome with grief. I had to get myself back together. I promised myself that when I got home I would plant some roses in my front yard to remember. And I did and I cried some more. I had to know that my love for him would never die - that never died with him. It has lived on in me to this day. I, like many people, have found strength in prayer and doing things I enjoy. Live on dear one and know that you will be well and that all that love in your heart is going to carry you on in courage.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Jan 9, 2015, 03:17 AM
    While I am not disagreeing with any of the helpful advice above about bereavement, I think you are suffering much more from guilt, hurt, and anger (at the people who bullied you) than you are from grief. Grief without guilt follows a simpler progression, and of course you feel grief from loss, but this has many added on complications. You are dangerously close to being psychotic from this. You need professional help. You will be helped through the assurance that his death wasn't your fault, for starters, and then you will learn to cope with both the people who accused you, and the feelings you still have about what they said, probably both hurt and anger.
    If you can find a bereavement group near you, that is vital too. If there isn't a bereavement group, find any emotional support group. The clinic or therapist I hope you go to will help find one too.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Is it normal I cant stop thinking about my dead mom? [ 2 Answers ]

My mom just died April 14th 2012, I'm 19. I've have a horrible horrible horrible life... my mom was my rock but she had so many mental disorders she wasn't my mom anymore and me and my brother got taken away when we were 14 and 14... she was an alcoholic, and she tried committing suicide in front...

I love my boyfriend but I can't stop thinking about my ex. [ 7 Answers ]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. Our relationship has its ups and downs because we argue and fight most of the time but when we're OK, we're totally sweet. Every time we fight, I try to think about my ex's (my first love) happy memories just to compensate the pain inflicted by my...

Can't stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend [ 5 Answers ]

Me and my ex was together for almost 4 years. We were engaged to be married in November of 2010, but things didn't work out the way we want it to. We broke up, and moved on, but even though I moved on, and with someone else now, I still think of my ex. No matter how hard I try not to think of...

I can't stop thinking about my ex boyfriend [ 6 Answers ]

Both threads merged into one I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago and since then I can't stop thinking about him and it's making me go crazy. I can't sleep at night properly and I miss him so much. I had had a massive crush on him for like 1 and a half before which he didn't know...

How Can I Stop Thinking about My Ex Boyfriend? [ 5 Answers ]

Me and my ex have been broke up for about three months now and I'm the reason we broke up. But ever since then I can't stop thinking about him should I ask him back out?


View more questions Search