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    sdj123's Avatar
    sdj123 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 9, 2014, 02:19 PM
    Can't cope with the loss of my boyfriend
    My boyfriend was killed 6 months ago at the age of 20 in a road traffic accident and I just can not come to terms with it and can not deal with it. I feel completely lost and alone even though I have people around me. All I want is my soul mate back. I try not to show my feelings or tell people how I feel because people think I should be coping with it and I don't want to upset people but truth is I am completely broken and spend hours sat alone crying and thinking about all the what ifs. I don't know how to tell people close to me how I'm really feeling.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #2

    Jan 9, 2014, 02:28 PM
    I don't have any words of wisdom in this area but I did want to say that I am sorry for your loss. There is someone who speaks to this subject extremely well so hopefully she will post here soon.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Jan 9, 2014, 02:46 PM
    You really do need to talk with some one close and share your pain. I am sure you know some one who can give you a shoulder to cry on and help you through this.

    Sorry for your loss.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #4

    Jan 9, 2014, 02:56 PM
    'I feel because people think I should be coping with it - ' Baloney!
    What are they there for, if not to coddle you and listen and drag you around to their houses or to movies and restaurants and let you just sit there while they have a good time without trying to cheer you up?
    YOUR JOB is to ask them to drag you around with them, and to tell them not to try to cheer you up, and not to tiptoe around on eggshells and talk in whispers. They have to keep having their fun! You just sit there! If they try to make you dance or smile tell them NOT TO. You are a sack of potatoes sitting there.
    You need someone privately to talk to the rest of the time. A best friend, a sister, a therapist.
    You need memories and ritual. Put pictures and tiny objects in a little cluster on a shelf and talk to them, talk to him. Talk to him as you walk around. Talk to him out in public. Be a little crazy. Pretend he's sitting on your shoulder.
    A ritual might be something you do right before you go to bed, or a walk you take to a special place. I wear my dad's slippers. They are falling apart, so I have them all taped on the bottoms. I don't look forward to the day they really fall apart. But I'm prepared for it.
    Yes, I had a man die many many years ago too... and other tragedy.
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