So you feel life is useless and you have nothing to live for? I too felt that way at times. I have fought the demon (what I call depression). I am writing this out to let you know you are not alone and there is hope.
1. Have you reached out for help? Made sure there is no medical reason for your depression. Some physical illnesses can cause it, and it can be treated.
2. Have you gone for counseling to learn coping methods for your depression? Some places are free, others are sliding scale, and some insurances cover the cost. Use Google and search for options in your area, or call your doctor or other medical professional.
3. Are you on medication and are you taking it as prescribed? Yes, I know it sucks at times to take it and I do realize you may want to see if you can do it without taking any. If you are on medication for heart disease, would you try not taking it? Then why do it for mental health issues also? There is no shame in being on medication.
If the above has been done to the best of your ability, I would like to give you more helps below. DEPRESSION SUCKS. It is a huge drain and hard to handle when it is bad, but it can be fixed. It will take time, but your life can improve. Here are my suggestions. Please try them, and if any of them work, keep using them. They may save your life.
1. Make a safety box. This has helped me so many times. In this box will be things YOU find enjoyable--not what I like or what your neighbor likes, but what YOU like. Some suggestions are books, crayons, puzzles, teddy bear, lotion, special music CDs, crafts, coloring books, pictures, cookies, or whatever you like. Rules -- Make sure it is stuff that does not trigger you, and do this ahead of time. Make sure you keep it in the same spot so when you are in crisis mode, you don't have to think of where to go to find it. The purpose of this is to distract you and self soothe you.
2. Take care of your vulnerabilities. They are treating illness, balanced eating, off mood alerting drugs, balanced sleep and exercise. Those are the main ones. I have found when I am ignoring them my depression can get worse quicker.
3. You are not a bad person. You are suffering from an illness. Do not listen to others' judgements or your own. Restate things as facts. For example, She is rude versus She is raising her voice at the person at the counter. The second example is fact based with no judgements attached. Once you break things down into only facts, they don't have as many emotions attached and are easier to handle.
4. If you feel like you want to end it, please please phone a friend, phone 911, or follow one of the links I will provide. Get yourself help. You always have the option to end it after you get help. You don't have the option of living after you are dead.
Samaritans:
Samaritans Home Page I have used this page before and it helped.
Something to read takes about 5 minutes
Suicide: Read This First I have used this before and it helped lessen my anxiety and high emotions.
Issues with self injury mostly but they have forums for other things as well
secret shame (self-injury information and support) this place gave me lots of support when myself injuring was bad and I was struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Moggy