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bluebear3 · Sep 28, 2007, 10:56 AM

Hello all!
I have just joined this site! I am looking for help, in trying to contact my sister in law.

When my mother in law passed away last year we lost contact with my sister in law. Some things where said on phone about others, hurtful textes where sent etc... Sorry always was sent a few days later. I haven't heard anything about her in over 19mths-

We were quiet close, she use to always ring me for advice and I have always been there for her- I always there to listen to her when she moaned about the house or her late mother when she was alive, I have no contact number for her. And I have been told by outside source that she doesn't want us in her life anymore ! I am very hurt and sad about this- :( Am I wrong?
Just looking for others ideas regard ing the matter
Thanks

RubyPitbull · Sep 28, 2007, 11:37 AM

Honey, how can anyone tell you that you were right or wrong in this matter if we don't know the whole story? I am not saying that you need to tell us the story. It really doesn't matter what happened. The fact is, she isn't ready to speak to you. You can't force contact onto someone who doesn't want it. She knows how to get in touch with you, and she doesn't want to at the moment. I know you are hurting and that you miss her. I am sorry that your heart hurts so much. But, you need to just leave her alone and focus on your own life with your husband, family, & friends.

bluebear3 · Sep 28, 2007, 12:33 PM

Thanks Ruby - but is so difficult to move on. My husband is hurting the most because he has no contact with his sister - she is only 24years old- she isn't very mature enough to make her own decision in life - to be honest all her decisions where made by her mother.
She is now living with a complete stranger, who she would rather have as a guardian to her then her own family- I understand she is hurting, but turning away from your own family who care for her to be with someone that is not related is very hard to understand!
The hurt just won't go away !

RubyPitbull · Sep 28, 2007, 12:42 PM

I know honey, but the thing to remember is, that you and your husband don't have any control over her behavior. She needs to come to the realization that she misses her brother & sister-in-law on her own. You have made your attempts. She has dismissed them. She is, in the eyes of the law, an adult. You can't force something onto someone who doesn't want to listen.

bluebear3 · Oct 17, 2007, 11:16 AM

Ruby,
The complete stranger that has taken in my sister in law, has now applied for guardianship of her. She is saying that my sister-inlaw is mentally unable to look after herself not alone the money that she is going to receive, from her late mothers estate. She saids that she has made all decisions for my sister-in - law/ that she is unable to make any her self. I don't know what to do . My hubby has taken it very badly, he has done everything to protect her, but he feels it obviously wasn't what she wanted. My sisterinlaw is 24years old, no one can become a guardian of a 24 yr old. Can they? Wouldn't it be her dad that would have rites to his daughter even though parents where divorced.. or would her father have no rites to her. Her other brother wants to go joint guardian with this woman of my sister in law. Can't understand it at all??

RubyPitbull · Oct 17, 2007, 02:06 PM

Bluebear, I honestly don't understand this situation. It doesn't really make sense. But, legally, guardianship is only given for an adult over the age of 18 by a court, when that court has declared a person incompetent. The person who is seeking guardianship must file paperwork with the court to be placed in the guardianship position. Hearings are held, questions are asked of the person who is being called incompetent, and a judgement is passed by the court. Is it possible that this woman is just getting your husband's sister to give her power of attorney? Then she would be in a position to make all financial decisions on her behalf and will have access to the sister's money. If your father-in-law knows where his daughter is and has a decent relationship with her, you might want to ask him to intervene on her behalf to make sure this other woman isn't taking advantage of his daughter. If your brother-in-law is involved and is looking out for his sister's welfare, then you need to allow him to do what he feels is best. Your husband should talk to his brother and father and just make them aware of the fact that he is concerned for his sister's welfare and ask them to ensure that she isn't going to be taken advantage of by anyone. If your husband feels that no one has his sister's best interests at heart, then he should go seek out the help of a barrister who specializes in family law. He might be able to find out what exactly is going on and if need be, file an injunction against this other woman to keep her from controlling his sister's money.