What do you do when.

binx44 · Nov 15, 2009, 07:18 PM

:( What do you do... when you loose your beloved pet and your hundreds of miles away from the place it happened at..
What do you do when your ex boyfriend feels like its his fault because he was taking care of him?
What do you do, when you don't even feel like going to class the next day, when you feel you should leave and go home?
What do you do when you've sat in your room crying since 11:30 in the morning and its 10:15 at night and your still crying because of how much it hurts?
I can just imagine how my ex feels. Sitting in the house filled with rebels stuff. The poor dog was only 7 he had so many good years left.. A year of owning him just wasn't enough... is that me being greedy? Wishing it had never happened.

Its not like he could have prevented rebel from bolting. Its only ever happened once before.. who knew that for the first time he'd run towards the road instead of the direction he'd usually go.
When he was hit. At least he didn't suffer but now, as I sit here in my college dorm room wishing I was home I suffer, and it hurts. The last time I saw him was thanksgiving.. before I left I petted him and said see you in a few months. And now that day will never come.
We were going to get him a friend in spring.. so he could have someone else to play with.. I don't think I can get another dog now.. even though it was going to be a carolina dog just like him.
I've lost pets in the past but I've never felt like this... debated drinking... but I haven't had a glass of booze in two years... was trying to quit smoking but chainsmoked all day...
Right now... I hate life.. it can be so mean

:(

shazamataz · Nov 15, 2009, 07:25 PM

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Michelle.
I know how much you loved Rebel, and of coarse you aren't being greedy wishing for more time.

Accidents happen to the best of us, don't blame yourself or anyone else, it's just one of those unfortunately things that happen.

I know you looked after him and loved him and I'm sure he knew that, that's all that matters.

Try and get some sleep, go down to the pharmacy and get some herbal sleeping pills to help you.

I know it's hard to believe but it will get better, I can promise you that.

binx44 · Nov 16, 2009, 12:25 PM

I've spent the last night and day feeling like hell.. I can't concentrate, I don't want to be here right now I just want to go home. Ryan buried him all by hisself, I can't handle this and college all at once I really cant

shazamataz · Nov 16, 2009, 06:13 PM

Is there any way you can take a couple of days off to go back home? I'm sure they would understand, you aren't thinking clearly.

It's worth asking anyway.

Have you read the rainbow bridge piece?
It makes me cry every single time I read it but it does make me feel better, it's such a beautiful piece of writing.

<Rainbow Bridge>

binx44 · Nov 16, 2009, 06:15 PM

Since its not a death of a family member I can't leave.. guess they don't really consider pets as family like I do..

I've gotten an e-mail.. the url for the rainbow bridge.. it plays along with music and it hurts when I read it

shazamataz · Nov 16, 2009, 06:59 PM

It does hurt, and it will hurt for a while yet but it will fade...

Rebel can never fade from your heart, he will always be there but it will start to hurt less as time goes on.

binx44 · Nov 17, 2009, 05:27 AM

Thank you shaz... I've lost pets before but I've never felt this much pain

shazamataz · Nov 17, 2009, 01:39 PM

I felt that way with my last rabbit that I lost.

When I lived with my parents as a kid we lost quite a few dogs... yeah I was sad of coarse but they were never truly 'my' dogs. When I lost my rabbit I was devastated, I couldn't eat or sleep for days... gradually it got better, and now I have happy memories.

If you need a chat you know where to find me :)

binx44 · Nov 17, 2009, 03:05 PM

Thanks my friend. I really apprechate that. I'm glad I found this forum.. over the years you guys have really helped

Just Dahlia · Nov 17, 2009, 03:25 PM

Michelle
I'm so sorry for your pain, it's an awful thing losing an animal.

The only way I got over losing Bob so suddenly was to try not to think about it, of course that really didn't help and found myself crying all the time. I forced myself while at work not to think about him, so I would start wailing. I kept busy and waited... after a couple or so weeks, I could think about him more and more and not go to pieces (except for now that I'm reliving it) and Bob left me 6 years ago.
My 5 year old G-D Daughter painted me a remarkable picture of Bob in a green meadow and smiling and I have it in my office. I can now look at it and smile.

Winston lived out his life (17) and I knew he was ready, it was still devastating, but a little easier. I still haven't spread his ashes in the garden to join Bob and I lost him over 2 years ago.

I was going to PM you, but realized that your almost forced to read that before you go to another thread. This way if you don't want to... you don't have to read. Although it probably helps to read from your friends.

Again, I'm so sorry:(

shazamataz · Nov 17, 2009, 03:25 PM

Not a problem, I love this site for that, you can guarantee that if you fall there's always someone who can help catch you.

Poor Alty is the one who always catches me :)

Edit - Lovely post Dahlia, we posted at the same time :)

binx44 · Nov 17, 2009, 03:41 PM

It's a nice thing to have... and JD thanks for the kind words.. rebel has been buried up by joe my old degu up by the oak tree back home. I wish I had been there but at the same time even though it hurts I am sort of glad I wasn't there... it would have been a really hard thing to do. I feel bad that he had to do it on his own.

jmjoseph · Nov 17, 2009, 04:46 PM

Michelle, I am sorry for your loss. I too, am one that takes the death of a dog very hard. We get attached to dogs just like they are family. Well, they actually are family aren't they? It gets better with time, but hurts like hell now.

You cry, but don't use alcohol as a crutch. You'll only feel worse when it wears off, and mad at yourself for doing it.

Just know that he didn't suffer, or linger in pain. I agree on waiting to get another one, because it hardly ever works, and you try to compare it with the one you lost.

Some people may think that it's silly to mourn our pets, but they give us love unconditionally, and are always glad to see you.

Mya GOD bless you, and may HE give you strength and peace.

Catsmine · Nov 17, 2009, 04:56 PM

I feel for you, Michelle. I have had dogs my entire life, and each one hurts. As far as the school goes, don't any of them remember when the most evil curse you could invoke was to wish someone's dog died? In some places killing someone's dog is grounds for a justifiable homicide defense to this day.

Get up, get going. It won't hurt any less, but you might find a distraction.

shazamataz · Nov 17, 2009, 04:58 PM

I agree Joseph, my dogs are my family, I wouldn't have it any other way.

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.

You were definitely worthy Michelle :)

binx44 · Nov 22, 2009, 05:14 PM

That's touching shaz.. I do agree with you too Joseph... dogs are family..

Well I was home for the weekend. It was hard, knowing he wasn't around to greet me each morning or to lay with me all evening while I watched movies... seeing his stuff in the chinchilla's room was hard too.. I cried quite a few times.. but... ryan showed me where he buried rebel... its beautiful, over looking the back yard where he first played when we got him. Ryan built a home made maple, stained cross and used a wood burner to put rebels name in. it was so sweet of him.. "it'll do for now" is all he'd say when I told him I loved it... he put rebels tags on a necklace and gave them to me saying that that way rebel was always beside me.. god I love the guy so much.. we may not be together right now.. and we may never be together again but at least I know he still cares too...

**edit** oh yes.. and we also went to the mall, got a digital photo frame , then I put all 91 photos of rebel I had on my computer onto the memory card for the picture frame for ryan. He put it on the TV stand . And it looks great there

shazamataz · Nov 22, 2009, 05:45 PM

The necklace is a lovely idea, that was very sweet of him.

I'm glad he's resting somewhere nice at home.

Alty · Nov 22, 2009, 06:03 PM

Michelle, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Words aren't enough. His life wasn't long enough. It never is when you have a dog.

George Carlin (the comedian) said it best "Life is a series of dogs". Sadly we all know that we will only have a short time with these wonderful creatures. Even if they live to old age they will not outlive us and we will end up suffering.

It's trite, but it's true, he had a good life because of you. You got the best of him, he got the best of you. Now he's gone, and mourning is the first step. It will get better, this I promise you.

I wish I had a magic phrase, something that would take the pain away, but I don't. This pain is part of life, and death. It won't last though. One day you'll think of him and smile, then laugh, and that's when you know that you can go on.

Don't be afraid to love another animal, there are so many out there that need the love of someone kind. Rebel wouldn't want you to close your heart, after all, that's how he came into your life. :)