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shine1x · Jun 18, 2011, 02:47 PM

Is this OK from my husband?
Hi I am 27 years old and I met my husband of 35 when I was 23 years old. He was my first real boyfriend and I met him as I was interning for free at a large company during summer. At the time I had no money and my parents just went through a tough divorce. I was still naïve and had no real experience with men. I guess at the time I was an easy target for someone who was 32 years old.

The first year of dating was great and I moved into his apartment, and we married 1.5 years after. I felt I never loved from him the start, but as soon as moved in with him he started calling me names, seeing other girls, working long hours. When I had an eating disorder he called me a transvestite, he said I should quit the gym as he did not like muscles on my arms, I went to gym 3 times a week to being fit not body building, and I did quit eventually. He picked up on my mixed race i.e. brown skin color e.g. did I wash myself. I have no real friends because of this relationship and he even suggest to stop talking to some of my coworkers. Recently I had a miscarriage, he left me alone every evening, he rather stayed in the office until 10pm and he preferred to go on a business trip as to stay with me. I had to go to ER all alone, and my family is far away so they could not help me. Ever since I started this relationship I lost myself esteem and self confidence as he uses all my weak points to put me down. Do you think his behaviour is abusive and what should I do.

JudyKayTee · Jun 18, 2011, 03:29 PM

Of course his behavior is abusive. If you didn't think it was you wouldn't be asking the detailed question .

What can you do? Put up with it, go for counselling (alone or together), file for divorce.

I don't know that he "preferred" to go on a business trip - this is a rough economy and I'm not sure that the choice to go or stay was his.

You obviously continue to have sex with him because you recently had a miscarriage.

What do YOU want to do?

Jake2008 · Jun 18, 2011, 08:25 PM

I think that in addition to what Judy has posted, I'm wondering if you haven't posted to just get that confirmation that you are indeed, an abused woman.

My advice to you is to take a leave of absence from your job. Go home, and be with people who love you, and give yourself time to think. Take a break from this daily torture you are choosing to live with, and try to gain back a sense of who you are, and what you want in this life. And what type of person you want to be involved with.

If you stay, please consider using protection. Not only to help protect yourself from STD's, but also to avoid a pregnancy.

He does not sound like a good person, let alone a loving partner, and I can't imagine what having a child with him would be like.

martinizing2 · Jun 19, 2011, 01:37 AM

It is hard to follow Jakes answers , she does well.

I will only say that I agree with both Judy and Jake , you need to make a decision and move on it, and taking a break from your private hell is a good way to get it in perspective and make what will be an extremely important decision in your life.

These ladies have offered sound practical advice I suggest you give serious consideration.

Also counselling for you. With or without your partner.
I can attest to the help this can be.

pink_jacket · Jun 26, 2011, 11:23 PM

Get out of the damn relationship. There are many sweet men out there, when u find the rite one, u will be happy u left at this moment. Don't have kids with this guy he's crazy, the kids will be crazy and also he will trouble u forever with child custody issues and meeting issues, if u got married to someone he will make it hell... get out of it NOW..