[blank916]

I separated with my wife about three years ago, and we both went our separate ways, to come back to each other a little more then a year ago, things started to seem as we were in the right direction, then I got laid off from work, which I was gone 4 days out of the week. It seemed like we had more time together, but it made me start thinking bad thoughts like she was seeing someone else, I seen some things that raised a red flag, but she always seemed to tell me it is not like that, we are just friends. Ya blame all that on myspace! I feel like I can't get away from her, like she is a drug that has got me! I tell myself to give it up and a few hrs later I'm just wanting to make things better and forget that there may be someone else... To top it all off I can't stay away from her because we have three children together. I'm 28 and have been with her since I was 17, I grew up with her! So what I'm asking is if I can't trust her, is there a way I can? Or if I want to try and let it go, how do I keep her out of my mind and move past all this? Thank you all who try and help!

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[talaniman]

What are the red flags, if I may ask and why were you separated for 3 years?

[blank916]

Red flags being myspace comments, that led to it looking like they were together, when I asked about it she said they are just friends, and that he has a stalker ex and they were trying to make it seem as he has moved on, he post coments about how much he misses her and loves her and that he knows she is his future wife.. we were separated for three years because she told me she wasn't !in love" anymore I tried to make it work for about 6 months and she ended up telling me to go find someone who loves me the way I love her! I did but it was revenge not love it lasted a month, as I was with the other girl my wife was begging me back, I went back and it lasted a month then she got into a relationship with someone for aboout a year, to realize it wasn't what she wanted she wanted me...

[Jake2008]

Are you still with her now? It sounds like each time you get back together, ghosts from the past pop up, and have you suspicious again.

While I admire you for wanting to keep your family together, three kids is a huge responsibility, it may be time to take steps to see what both of you can do to keep the marriage intact.

Have you tried counselling? It isn't always the magic bullet, but it may help the two of you learn how to set the foundation to trust each other, and build a new relationship. Even for the sake of the kids, both of you owe it to them to try to work out your problems.

One thing is for sure, if you keep going the way you are without help to get back on track, you'll likely repeat history again from what you've said.

[talaniman]

Jake is correct, this make up/break up is mainly a failure to communicate I strongly suspect, and you both seem to have jumped back into this with no plan at all. None that I can see.

That's what I see with your red flags, two people who think they can be partners without defining the boundaries of good behavior that you both expect.

Hard to make changes, and adjustments, that work for you both, without some kind of meeting of the minds.

[SVImager]

It is possible to have a great relationship... BUT it is a tougher road than just getting into a another new relationship.

You can get Trust back again... it will take time.
After my wife cheated on me, I didn't Trust my wife. But in order to have a relationship there must be Trust. A circular logic... My Pastor solution was to Trust God. Yes, after two years... I am back at Trusting my wife... but it still has pain connected to it.


For your situation with the MySpace Friend and Photos and talks... Well you are not married to her and don't be a Chump and take the BS. That relationship is unacceptable. She is not working towards a relationship with you. Don't be a Chump... move ON and still be a responsible Dad with better options.