[proudparent]

I am in a predicament. My son is now 21. His father last saw him when he was 7. At the time when he left he did tell us where he was going, but after only a few months he left that location with no word as to his whereabouts.

By the time my son was 9 and still no word from his father, we managed to locate an address via the internet. I filed for sole custody and child support. Got the sole custody, yet child support paperwork came back from the location as "refusal to sign". The court could never locate the father after this and their reasoning was he must be working a job under the table otherwise they would be able to find him via his social security number, which came up with nothing current.

2 years later, we located a phone number. My son spoke with his father twice. No effort was made in return. Another 5 years later his father tricked him via a chat, claiming to be someone else for a bit and then revealing his identity. Again no contact after that for another 2 years. Then again something similar.

Now the father has reappeared. His claim to my son is that I ran and hid from him. Funny since I stayed lived in one residence for 6 years, but remained in the area all but 2 years. My number was always published because I had my own at home business. Not to mention, if dad wanted to see his son, he could have always gone to the family court where my info was always updated due to medical assistance for my son.

My son and I struggled for many years, but made it through and with good memories. I never bad mouthed dad, only said he had issues but loved my son. I am very upset that after all this time that dad just refuses to own up to his neglect of effort and instead blames me for his disappearing act. When he was in the picture I never gave him a hard time about seeing his son. If anything he was the one always taking me to court and he was the one ending up in threats of contempt for filing false allegations.

Now, what to do? Being that the court could never locate him and support was never followed through on, is there a way to legally make dad compensate for that, and 2 how do I keep dad from turning this into a drama for my son.

I have asked my son to keep me out of it. I told him I was pleased that he is getting to know his dad, but I know the truth and am tired of defending myself to his justifications as to why he never tried (or in his words, he did try, I was on the run.. lol). My son hopefully knows better than this. He knows of our stability in living arrangements and that my number was easy to find, and family at that.

So, what do I do. I think I am handling this well. Their relationship is between them, keep me out of it, especially if all you can do is blame me for your negligence. Just last night I told my son, "look, I am done defending myself, I should not have to defend myself, I am the one who stuck around, and even though I did at times seek out your father, or tried to rather, it really was not my responsibility. I had enough on my plate raising and supporting you by myself. If he truly wanted to see you, he knew what he had to do. I know the truth and to add anything to it would be making things up. I don't know what else to say about this except you need to forgive your dad and he needs to move on, that his bringing up the past and trying to justify his not being there, there is no justification and only shows guilt by trying to do so. I am sorry I cannot shed anymore light on this, and there is so much more in regards to our marriage at the time that was not good, but that is noone's business and no point in explaining to you. All I know is I am happy that you are getting to know him, but not so happy that all of this has become an issue again when it is painfully obvious what the truth is. I understand it hurts, and I am sorry for that and wish there was something I could do about it, but I can't , only your father can. I hope you understand."

That is it in a nutshell. Any suggestions?