[concernedmom]

Well it has been a while. Does anyone know what will happen if:
Went to mediation. Do not work. Ex is seeking change in residential address for my 15 year old. Image this happened at the same time I sought child support modification after 11 years. Hmmmm. Anyway, court ordered a GAL which I am suppose to pay 50%. I don't have the money, I've been unemployed for one year. Now that I am employed catching up on other bills. What happens if I meet with the GAL is inform her that I do not intend on participating -- I did this 14 years ago -- costs too much money and it is foolish now that the child is 15 years old.

Don't they see this as a ploy not to pay child support? Or is it me? I don't understand why the courts will allow this to happen and disrupt family lives

[CaptainForest]

Assuming you are both fit parents, the 15 yr old child can pretty much decide where they wish to live.

The Judge will listen to the wises of your child.

[J_9]

Captain Forest answered this beautifully. If you are in the states the court will let your child choose who they want to live with at about 13 years of age.

[fredg]

Hi,
I agree with your other answers.
Do you have a lawyer? If you can get one, he/she can guide you in some Professional advice.
A 15 year old can choose, before a Judge, who he wants to live with, as others have said.

[concernedmom]

Thanks. I know the 15 year old can choose. But if he wasn't given the choice and a promise of an easier life by my ex this would not be an issue. Who wouldn't want to live with the parent who has no rules. I would. Come home to an empty house, use the computer and internet whenever you want. No responsibilities. Girls in the bed room to 'watch tv'. Come on, am I the only one that sees this -- what message are we sending our kids when things get tough they can opt to choose something easier. Am I old fashion? What about his sister? How do we tell our daughter that her brother is living here any more. I guess I just don't get it.

[CaptainForest]

If you look at the flip side to this, why shouldn't the father get a chance to raise his own son?

What right do you have to get sole custody of raising the kids?

I agree it sucks, and one shouldn't be allowed to run away.

Talk with your ex. Try to get him to agree to present a united front with you.

But if he doesn't agree, then so be it.

It happens all the time, playing one parent off another one.

If my dad ever said no to me, I would go behind his back and get my mom to agree, and vice versa.

[talaniman]

Most women would never agree that a father can raise their kids as well as any women,and yes mistakes will be made and new things will be learned but hey mom take a break and let us Dads do what we are supposed to do with our own kids.:cool: ;)

[per14843]

The child has a right to choose at that age. Yes you feel he will choose to take the no rules. You also have to trust the way you raised your child. If he realizes that there is no one to talk to or hug, He will soon come back home anyway. There is nothing worse in this world then being alone. Your child loves you and he is going to miss the things that are at your house. Yet as some others have pointed out maybe the father will surprise you and do a great job at raising the child in a way you couldn't due to the difference in parenting.

[concernedmom]

Thank you all for your input, and I recognize that all situations are different. But it has been over 1 year since my son (at the time age 15) made the decision to move in with his dad. We all know the story, the grass is always greener with the other parent. I have not seen my son since March 2007 -- even though he lived 5 minutes away. My husband, daughter and I moved in September to another state to assist with my elderly parents. Although the move was difficult especially because I felt like I was leaving my son behind, it had to be done. My ex follows the old visitation agreement to the letter and I did not get to see my son for Christmas, this was heartbreaking not only for me but for his younger sister. Although I speak to my son daily my heart breaks because he has come to realize the grass isn't greener and is miserable. But the thought of dragging him to court to get permission to live with me is a difficult one given it would mean my son would have to speak with his dad. Who uses guilt to keep him close and underraps. So, I listen to him cry every night and how sad he is. He is now 16 and this should be a time of fun and enjoyment, but instead he has made some choices that have not been wise. It acts out and is turning into a bitter young man. It is so hard to watch.
Thank you all for your input, but sometimes (not all the time) a mother knows what is best for their child better than the courts. It is a crazy system.

[startover22]

Concernedmom, I really wish you would go and move back to be closer to your son. 16 is a hard age. He needs both of you, you can do what you can even if he doesn't live with you. His sister will probably love to see him and I bet he would feel a part of things if you "cared" enough to come back to him. No I am not saying you don't care, I am saying you leaving has showed him what is more important. I wish you the best of luck!

[concernedmom]

Moving back is not an option. But thanks.

[startover22]

Moving back is not an option. but thanks.

How about a visit just from mom... so you can go out to dinner and talk to him, without his dad being there to see if he is being pushed to stay. Just an idea. Hugs to you sweet.