[TwilightRiddles]

So, my boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half, and we live together. He had a car and then it went kaput, so he's been using my car to get to work every day (I work at home). We've had a lot of issues with this because he always wants to go out and play disc golf or chill with his friends; I don't have much desire to do those things with him all the time because he gets in the zone of whatever they're doing and ignores me, so I might as well not be there. But this leaves me out of a lot of opportunities for things that I might want to do... when I bring this up to him, he's always like "Go for a walk... get outside." I tell him that I'd like to do things with him instead of him going out and doing stuff without me all the time and leaving me at home, but then he gets mad at me because I have "a problem with me going out and doing my own thing" (his line). His basic attitude is that of 'If you don't want me to do what I want when I want, then you're a selfish bi***'. He's never said this to me, but it's the impression I get from his tone.

About 2 months ago, he suddenly got weird... Saying things like "I love you and I don't want to lose you, but I kinda want something casual right now". He just didn't seem to be as into me and was just snapping at me for the stupidest little things. He was being more secretive with his phone than usual (he's always had a password), and this combined with his weird behavior led me to suspect he was cheating on me... so I snooped into his phone (for shame, I know). In his search bar, I found 'i'm looking to hook up with a girl that's OK that I'm cheating'. I confronted him about it, and he swore that he hadn't cheated on me and would NEVER cheat on me. Based on this conversation and knowing about his track record, I believe him.

Since then, he's been (relatively) loving and affectionate, like he was before this issue even happened.

Last Saturday, we went out drinking with friends and we were each talking about our apartment sizes. I remember him talking about one of his old apartments (which was pretty big), and so I asked him about the size of it. He told us the size, and then said "Man, those were the good days... when I was single and had nobody to answer to." I was kind of hurt by this comment and tired of stupid little comments like that, so I said "Well, just go ahead and be single, then!" He said "Dude, why are you being such a bi***?" When we got home later, I told him how that comment bothered me, and he went off on me, saying that he feels like he should be able to be honest with me without it being weird. "I want to f*** other women. I'm pretty sure you want to be with other people. We should be able to tell each other that without it being weird. Any guy that's told you that you're the only person he wants to f*** was lying to you." Further on that night, he was sleeping and I was lying awake, thinking about what happened, and I started crying. He woke up and asked me why I was crying. I told him that what he said was really painful, and he said "I don't understand why you got so f****** weird about it." Out of hurt, I said, "Because it's stupid." He said "It's not stupid; it's how I feel. You know, for caring so much about respecting people's feelings, you sure as hell don't respect anybody else's." I asked him why he was being such a di**. He said "Because you're just a big fat f***** bit**!!!"
Granted, he was drunk, but this is not the first time it has happened.

He is normally very goofy, affectionate and loving. At a base level, we get along extremely well as a couple, and I love him with all my heart.

However, over the time that we've been together, he's become progressively more selfish, emotionally abusive and manipulative. He's had an effed up time dealing with his ex and their kids (he hasn't seen his boys in 9 months), and I've always been super supportive and compassionate through all of his struggles. I've always been there for him and don't feel like this is fair. He often has double standards that make me so angry... It's okay for him to say something disrespectful to somebody, and because it's how he honestly feels, they shouldn't have a problem with him saying it... but if somebody says something disrespectful to him, it's absolutely NOT okay, and he tells them what an *** they're being.

Should I just talk to him about everything, or just leave? I'm at the point where neither option appeals to me at all. I feel so broken... I'm taking a trip home to California in a couple weeks, and there's already a part of me that doesn't want to come back... but it would kill me to leave him.

[Homegirl 50]

Sounds like your relationship has run it's course. There is no reason for anyone to be so disrespectful to you and call you those names. I would not stand for it.
Tell him you think you two should call it quits. Go to California and enjoy yourself. It is not going to kill you to leave him. It sounds like you both are unhappy