[JaneDoughnut]

Has this happened to you or anyone you know?
My grown daughter who lives thousands of miles away, has for years not let me know if she received my gift for her birthday and holidays.

I always have to ask her "did you receive my gift?" in order to find out. Same thing with my nearly old enough to vote grandson, her son.

She also does not call or send me a gift or card on my birthday.

I have tried withdrawing gift giving, just sending a card in hopes she would get the idea of how it feels to be "forgotten". Occasionally I will get a card from her but it is always a random event. Recently, I sent her a handmade tree ornament which I described to her as involving many steps and hours to make. And added that it was a gift from my heart. I still don't know if she even received it.

I am not the doormat type and so, after all these many decades of being ignored - my heart is no longer into sending her anything. My grandson is the same way. It is hard for me to give them "unconditional love" after all this time.

This is not a problem for anyone to solve. Just wanted to share this to help get it off my chest so I can get on with other things. My question is simply: does this happen to you or anyone you know?
Thanks for reading.

[Wondergirl]

I have a slightly different problem. For years, whenever I have given my mother-in-law a gift for her birthday or Christmas or even just sent her a card for Valentine's Day or just to say hi, she will send back a $20 or $50 bill to pay for it, I guess. I live near her and have noticed she does this with everyone else too. In other words, she cannot accept a gift; she has to pay for it. I turn around and donate the money to my local cat shelter.

My suggestion to you, Jane, is to send a nice card, but no more gifts.

[JaneDoughnut]

Wow, Wondergirl- good for you! I'm also an animal lover and can relate to you on this matter. At least the cat's profit from your daughter's ungratefulness. If I were you, in future I would simplify the process by giving directly to the cat shelter in your daughter's name - then send your daughter a card saying you did that in honor of her birthday. That way you would be saving the time it takes you to pick out and give your gift; save the time it takes for her to write a check and give it to you.
As you may know, people often ask for no flowers at funerals and request the money meant for flowers be given to a certain cause in the past-on person's name. I don't see why this would not do for birthdays and holidays. Perhaps your daughter should me encouraged to simply say to others, "no gifts please. Please donate what you would spend on me to my favorite charity which is -- whatever."

In fact, Wondergirl' you have given me a concrete idea! If my daughter and grandson continue to ignore me (I'm giving them two last chances) I can in future just donate to the ASPCA or some such other animal rescue concern, in my daughter's and grandson's name. That would definitely help me with my self-whining about them not saying thank you or being ruder still by not even acknowledging it was received. If they don't thank me for my donating to an animal shelter in their name I won't care because at least the animals profit and I'm sure if they could they would wag their tails or use some similar expression of thank you as best they could and even if they didn't - it still would not matter. After all, they are animals.



Thanks for the idea!

[Wondergirl]

It's my mil (mother-in-law) but that doesn't change the story by much.

Yes, at least the animals are grateful/will benefit and will give you (or someone) unconditional love. Good plan, Jane!