[caitie]

I lost my mum just over three months ago. I miss her, so much , there are no words... I'm finding it really hard because I feel like I can't remember her voice any more. It feels like years since I've seen her. She despised getting her picture taken so therefore the photos are scarce. What I'm finding very difficult is that every one in my life goes on about their daily lives. Whingeing about what a hard day they've all had, the headache another one has, the relationship whoes of another and the list goes on and on and on. Don't they even think for one minute that maybe I couldn't care less about some of the mindless banter and say "How have ya been?" or even "You must've had a hard couple of months, "would you like to talk about anything?"
But after about 2 months this is how it's been, a little lonely and feeling a tad friendless...

[J_9]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my father almost 3 years ago, so I can relate to your pain.

Have any of your "mates" lost loved ones? If not, they can't relate to your pain. They don't know how you feel and after 3 months their lives have gone on while yours has become stagnant (not exactly the right word), living in the grief of your loss.

The grieving process is different for everyone. Some rebound quite quickly, while others take a while. Personally, for me, my grieving process was over the day my father died. He was ill for quite a while and his death was a blessing to him as he was suffering. I had many months to prepare for his death.

Remember that your mum was not their mum, they don't understand what you are going through. This also may be their way of bringing you back to the life of the living.

Have you considered joining a support group?

[HistorianChick]

Oh, sweetie, I understand. Sometimes when people around me complain about little things in life, I think, "You don't even know what pain is!" I lost my Dad six years ago to cancer.

No one really understands unless they've been through the loss of a loved one... and I know that is something you'd never even dream to wish upon your friends, but it is frustrating.

I had to come to the point where in response to their "how are you today" questions, "You know, I'm having a rough go of it. Can you just sit with me and let me talk about my Dad?" More often than not, my friends were GLAD to help and were able to help me through the sad times.

I still have them a lot. AMHD has been a comfort to me in those times; having people to listen helps a great deal. So, if you ever need to talk, I'm here... as are so many other honest, amazing people who have felt the heart-wrenching loss of losing a parent.

I know that you're lonely and I know that your heart physically hurts when you think of her... but you will make it. You will grow up and be a testament to her greatness and love.

I recommend starting a journal of all the things that you remember of your Mom. I have one for my Dad - sometimes I would just sit and write things like "Remember how he took you to McDonald's as a little girl and bought you an Egg McMuffin while he drank his coffee." or, "Remember how we would drive for hours and listen to the Beatles." Little things like that - those reminders will help you when you feel sad. YOu'll be able to sit and read your memories and smile.

We're here for you. :)

[JudyKayTee]

I was widowed two years ago - I've talked to other people who have also suffered losses and none of us have grieved the same. It's a process and there is no right way or wrong way to grieve.

I found that people didn't ask me how I was doing because it was obvious that I was having a difficult time or they didn't know what to say. The people I truly love listened to me - and there were times when I asked people to please just listen. Have you, without being critical or accusatory, asked your friends to simply sit down with you and listen? Very possibly they don't want to upset you so they don't bring up the subject.

I also found that I was every woman's nightmare - if my husband died, maybe theirs could, too? Your friends may be having those very same feelings and thoughts.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Time really does help. I know everyone says that and you probably don't believe it (I didn't believe it either) but time does make a difference.

[Gemini54]

I've had quite a few people die in my life (not my mother yet 'tho) and I can honestly say that I responded differently to each of them.

It's so hard when you feel that deep void - the awareness of the absence of the other person, and you miss them so much.

The thing is, life does go on for you and for other people. After a few months they go back to their normal lives, but you still have your life minus your mother.

Your friends can't read you mind. They won't know how you feel unless you tell them and ask for their support. Perhaps your friends think you're OK or they are too busy with their own lives.

So don't be shy - let them know, tell them you feel awful and talk about how you're feeling. I'm sure they will be happy to give you comfort and support - all you need to do is ask.