[minaxii dahiya]

Hi, I am 24 years old. I belong to Haryana Jatt family and in love with guy age 26 he is Rajput from Amritsar, right now he is doing job in Australia. I told my parents about him, but my father and my relatives created a big issue upon it. Firstly they accepted to see them, now they said that the family is not financially good and ask me to move on.

I seriously hate this thing. I really love him and he love me too, his family accepted me. I use to talk to his mum and sisters and they are lovely. My father said me that I'll search a better guy then him. I said OK to my father that I'll see the choice of my father, but I’m not going to marry according to my father choice because I can’t live without him. I had affairs in my past life and I am tired of move on. Please help me. What should I do now? Please?

[talaniman]

Do as you say meet the fellow and reject marriage with him.

[smkanand]

Meenakshi, if his financial situation is the only reason to refuse him then it means that your father is concerned about your future. You try to convince your dad that he will improve his situation. Let him talk to your dad and try to convince him. If your father did not listen then both of you do civil marriage. I'm sure your parents will understand sooner or later. Good luck.

[minaxii dahiya]

Tnkw for your advice, I'm really glad to see that people understand me. Yes my father is concerned about my future. But more dn future my father listen to my tauji in my family. Who don't wna loose their reputation even once my tauji came at home and said if you go against your family then go live the house or die. It really hurts me. I know my tauji , he is a politician man, in reality he is not a good person, he always do politics in family issue as wel as outside. And my father use to follow my tauji. I really love my mum and dad , I cried a lot , how will I convince my father. I can't do the civilmarriage, as it will reality hurt my dad and my dad reputation. My tauji has given a bad impression of my boyfriend family. As my father ask my tauji to get detail of my boyfriend and his family. I got shattered inside and hurt a lot I hate my family expect my mum and dad. Even my tauji is that much shameless that he said if don't listen to us, they will give 'dhamki' to my boy friend family and hurt. Is this humanity. Right nw I am feeling I am in hell. Even my love is quiet tensed and his family too.

[smkanand]

I know the jat scenario meenakshi but you see that's everywhere. So you have to find a middle path. I think if you take in confidence your mom and dad and do civil marriage without sharing it to anyone else, things might solve. Tell your parents that they don't have to be part of marriage, you just need their blessings. This way your other family members will not blame your parents and you can be with partner.

[minaxii dahiya]

But my boyfriend is in australia now to improve the financial situation and to solve the job issue, he is earning good there around 5000rs. Perday but the job is not permanent and he is good at his, he can't before 1year. Dats why I have to listen my parents if I argue with them they will hurt my boyfriend family. Dats why I am keeping myself quiet. My boyfriend also said me just to cooperate with family don't fight them as they will not marry with another against my wish. I have to reject whatever offer come to me quietly. Else I am waiting for my love to come India.

[JudyKayTee]

You ask for advice but have a reason why every bit of advice won't work for you. I think if you want advice you have to post the entire story or skip the post and just move on.

[minaxii dahiya]

You I'm asking the advice. I'm really to see people understanding my problem. But you said move on?
What's that, if you don't feel to answer don't response. At least don't tel me to move on. When you can not give a solution at least don't say move on okay. I am not in a situation where I may right whole story because it will become lengthy to tell you. Any ways thank you.

[JudyKayTee]

You asked for advice on what to do. My advice is to end the relationship.

You have a reason every other suggestion can't or won't work. You've had affairs in your past life. Does this boyfriend know about those affairs? Is that going to be an issue?

What solutions do you see?

[minaxii dahiya]

Yes My boyfriend know about my past affairs, for my past affair breakup I am not responsible. Guys ditched me cheated they moved on. And finally find a guy who truly love me and care for me. And other guys just used me. He is the guy who took my responsibility. He is the who talkd to my father even my father shouted on him. Not once about four to five time he talkd to my father to convince my family. And still he feel to talk but I stopped him just because I can't see my boyfriend insulting again and again okay, that's my love for him he love me more than I do. I respect my boyfriend and will do always. My boyfriend love and respect out of all issue. So Mr. move on I will never move on, I am tired of move on word. And if some day my boyfriend say me move on out of frustration still I will make my best to with him and make him realize my love for him. Rest is my destiny. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND MORE THAN MY LIFE.

[JudyKayTee]

You refer to me as "Mr. move on"? Your level of hostility and, for that matter, sarcasm is beyond belief. I was respectful to you and had hoped you would respond in kind.

So multiple people have become involved with you and moved on?

You said if you "go" with this boyfriend your family will hurt his family. But you intend to pursue the relationship, no matter what the risk is to his family?

You are planning to make your boyfriend "realize" your love for him. I think his love for you might be what counts right now. You cannot make someone love you.

I have asked this before, but no one has answered. I do not understand the caste system. Can you explain it? I understand a parent thinking a potential partner is not good enough. I don't understand how "caste" works. I did see that one of the rape Defendants in India (if that is where you are) attempted to excuse the rape by arguing caste. Apparently the victim was of a lessor caste. Can you explain the system? I've read about it, but I don't understand how it works in "real life." It is obviously in play here. Why is he not fit to be your husband? It's about where you are born in life and not what you accomplish? The "not fit enough" person will never be fit enough, no matter what?

[smkanand]

Meenakshi, tere liye ek suggestion hain. Yahe ke videshiyo se demak mat laga. Inko cast system smaza nahi sakte. Ek rasta hain, reject the boys that your parents choose for you. Ask for some time from your parents and if possible try to find a job. Be financially independent. Try to prepare papers for future marriage. This way you will get some time and your boyfriend and you will plan something.

[JudyKayTee]

Would you please post this in English? I cannot respond to what I do not understand.

[talaniman]

Both you and your boyfriend will have to decide how you proceed forward and face these challenges together. If you cannot count on his counsel and commitment through this, what's the point in facing such barriers alone?

What do his parents say about this threat to them? Will they support him and you? Or convince him you are not worth all this aggravation from your family, and if he isn't willing to see this through at your side no matter what either family says, again you will be alone in this.

[minaxii dahiya]

talaniman sir you seems to be very caring person thank you so much for that. Yes sir I am working to get a job I am preparining myself for entrance exam it will be in July 28. Sir the boyfriend family is quiet loving and caring towards me. They always use to tell me not to take tension and study , rest they will handle own their own if any problem will come to me my boyfriend family help me for sure that I don't know how. Sir my main motive is to reject the each proposal whenever my family take me to meet the guys. Sir I am quiet nervous that how will I make the excuses that I don't like the fellow , that's it rest I know sir meri family I wish meri jabardasti shaadi na karein. My boyfriend is also afraid of the same thing wo mujhse bhi jada concern hai. He use to ask me several I want to talk to your father, but due to my father rude behaviour I don't allow him to call. I feel helpless sometime. But thank you sir I will follow your suggestion for sure.

[talaniman]

Your plan is logical, and you have enough on your agenda that you should focus on for now. Do well on your test as that's the pathway to the future that you can control. The rest you can do later, one day at a time so don't stress now.

Good Luck.

[minaxii dahiya]

Tnkw.