Ex in laws
I have been divorced for 3 years. I have 4 children. Here's the dealio. My ex has only seen our children once in the past 3 years. Due to his drug addiction, he separated himself from the children and his family (parents siblings, etc.). His parents during this time have spoke to him on occasion. The one time he did see the children, well... it was around Christmas, he had just exited jail to a pregnant girlfriend. After they wed, his now wife and in-laws relayed to his parents that they knew of us and long detachment from relationship with his children and were hopeful that these relationships could be mended. So he called. He spoke to me and then to the children over the phone. He did see them that Christmas Day and the day after briefly. Over the next month, they spoke on the phone and exchanged emails. He never requested or tried to make arrangements to see them again. The calls stopped along with the emails. He has been on and off again with the drugs and jail since. During this time, he had told members of his family that I would not allow him to see the children. This is a lie. I guess this was easier for him to say, than no I don't have anything to do with them. I have always had a wonderful relationship with his parents and they have helped out tremendously with living expenses while I was in school. (I was an at home mom when married). Recently he has been back in they're lives. I found out from his mom that he has called my older son. I was concerned that my son felt that he could not tell me about this or that his dad gave him the impression he could not tell me. I expressed this concern with his mom and she assured me that it was not so. During this conversation, she told me that she has been discussing with her son, some problems that my older son has had this past year. She had assured me at an earlier time that I had her confidence concerning these matters.
Now I'm hopping mad... Why? I asked her, would she give this information to a dad who is not involved in his son's life? She expressed to me that her son would be able to offer some advice or help, after all he is dad. So, my response, "recovery" dad maybe, but he's not been clean for more than 2 months in years and dad "out of recovery" lies, steals, and uses anyone he can to get his next fix. I told her I felt that it was dangerous for my son because this info leaves him open to be used or hurt by his dad. At this point in the conversation, she changes the venue by saying, we(her and her son and wife) have been discussing whether he (dad) should try to see or contact the children this early in his recovery, and that she would relay to him that "I" felt that it was too soon and he should wait. I was dumb-founded by this remark. It is obvious to me that the lies are believed. More obvious is the emotional problems the children would have if they felt I have kept them from seeing or speaking with they're dad. What do I do? Now I worry that when the children go to visit, they are given the impression that secrets should be kept from me concerning they're dad. Am I overreacting?
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