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maimabo · Oct 30, 2012, 11:12 PM

Me and my boyfriend are both Christians, and we are having sex although we know the truth but we find our self doing it. So now I want us to stop and wait for the right time which is after marriage. So how do I come up with solutions that will cater for the both of us not me alone. He doesn't want us to stop but he is not forcing himself on me. We were just talking about it and we never got into agreement. Please help me

Wondergirl · Oct 30, 2012, 11:22 PM

Just say no. No more discussion, no excuses, no apologies, no fighting.

No clothing is to be removed and no hands go underneath it. You both know by now when your limits have been reached and you want to go "all the way."

Fr_Chuck · Oct 31, 2012, 05:38 AM

You just stop, you kiss, hold hands and talk,

You spend time doing activities that are not sexual.

teacherjenn4 · Oct 31, 2012, 06:26 AM

You can try classes at your religious institution. They have classes for those dating and pre-marriage.

excon · Oct 31, 2012, 06:55 AM

Hello m:

If you were going to stop, you would never have started. You'll NEVER stop now. Just forgive yourselves for being human.

excon

greentree30 · Oct 31, 2012, 11:18 PM

I totally agree with excon. It is human to be sexual. I do think that it's WAY better when you are in love and in a long term relationship, and you completely trust that person. It's just something really special when there's a lot of emotion tied to it. Just be as safe as you can. Condoms, birth control, and pulling out. I'm not trying to tell you to go out and have sex though! It's everyone's personal choice. And if you feel you aren't ready yet then definitely don't do it.This is only my opinion but I don't believe having sex before marriage is a sin. That is just my personal feeling, but in my heart it doesn't feel wrong, especially when you're in love, you've waited until your ready, you trust that person. It is just human nature and a way to show your love for someone. Just be smart and safe about it. It's hard to say the exact age that you are mature enough. But hopefully you aren't too young! I hope I don't get negatives for this, but when I was 16-17 yrs old I dated someone for a year and a half. We didn't have sex but we did sexual stuff. And I don't regret it at all. It was an amazing relationship and I have really great memories about it. But like I said just be safe and trust your gut. If you feel it's wrong then don't do it. Only you know when you're ready. :-]

Fr_Chuck · Nov 1, 2012, 02:16 AM

I will disagree with the two above, we don't know how old these people are, 15 or 16 the answer could really be different than if it is 25 perhaps.

Next in the last two answers, the faith and religious beleifs of the two people were completely ignored or not respected. If they have had a real conversion, then wanting to stop will be a natural issue to happen

joypulv · Nov 1, 2012, 04:26 AM

The whole idea of abstaining from sex before marriage was started many many years after Jesus died, and he never mentioned the idea. Millions of Christians just don't subscribe to that notion. It has practical virtues, of course, such as not getting pregnant and not spreading disease.
How about spending time working together on fidelity, integrity, charity, and honesty instead. Good values to strive for.

Cat1864 · Nov 1, 2012, 06:35 AM

maimabo, I understand you are looking for ways to pleasure both of you while not crossing over into 'sex'. To be able to help you find alternatives (a 'solution'), I think we need more background information.

As you may have noticed, there are different thoughts on Christianity and what various sects teach. Culture and traditions help shape some teachings. It would be helpful to know what your understanding of the boundary line for pre-marital sex is. What have you been taught and how close to those teachings are you wanting to stay? In other words, what are your expectations? Do you know what his expectations are?

There is another aspect of your question I want to cover-your plans for marriage. If you are wanting to wait until marriage to continue your sexual relationship, have you and your boyfriend agreed on a date to wed or are you planning on becoming engaged at some point in the future? How well have you communicated and compromised on that part of your relationship? Having a known ending to the celibacy might help you both stay within your agreed upon boundaries.

excon · Nov 1, 2012, 06:43 AM

Hello again,

What MOST of you MISS, is that this isn't a person talking about NOT engaging in premarital sex... This is a person who is ALREADY engaging in premarital sex. She KNOWS the reasons she SHOULDN'T be doing it, and that's WHY she posted. Telling her the reasons AGAIN, and then again, ain't going to solve her problem.

It's MY view, that once the cat is Out of the bag, you AIN'T going to put it back in WITHOUT major problems. I don't think ANY of you have considered that. I believe this couple should STOP beating themselves over the head for doing what comes NATURAL. That's DIFFERENT than advising them to START a sexual relationship..

I just wanted to SAY that.

excon

greentree30 · Nov 1, 2012, 01:14 PM

I completely respect peoples religious beliefs. But I hate how some religions have a way of making women feel that sex and even masturbation is dirty or wrong. When I was a teen I definitely beat myself up about certain times I did stuff with a guy (I worried I hadn't dated him long enough or I wasn't in love with him.. so does that make me a slut). If it wasn't a long term relationship I beat myself up about it a couple times, even though I was safe and responsible about it. Now I know I shouldn't have felt any shame about it. Woman and teens can be made to feel like "sluts" way too easily by your peers, society and even some religions.
Me and my friend were both raised Catholic. Her parents put it in her head that sex is dirty. And when her parents found out she had sex earlier than they would've liked they totally made her feel like crap. Her parents let her sister call her a slut in front of the whole family. Still to this day she has issues about sex. She's almost 30 and still deals with feelings of shame. Even though she's been married for 6 years. :-(

In high school I remember everyone thinking certain girls were "sluts" and now I think back and know how wrong that was. I'm not promoting having sex in your teens or anything. It can be the best thing to wait until your older and completely ready. But everyone is different and this whole slut shaming thing and being made to feel dirty or that it's wrong needs to go! You rarely hear of guys feeling guilty or dirty about sex and masturbation.

(This is just a response about the topic, not a response to the original poster.)

joypulv · Nov 1, 2012, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again,

What MOST of you MISS, is that this isn't a person talking about NOT engaging in premarital sex... This is a person who is ALREADY engaging in premarital sex. She KNOWS the reasons WHY she SHOULDN'T be doing it, and that's WHY she posted. Telling her the reasons AGAIN, and then again, ain't gonna solve her problem.

It's MY view, that once the cat is OUTTA the bag, you AIN'T gonna put it back in WITHOUT major problems. I don't think ANY of you have considered that. I believe this couple should STOP beating themselves over the head for doing what comes NATURAL. That's DIFFERENT than advising them to START a sexual relationship..

I just wanted to SAY that.

excon

You got FOUR greenies so far, a lot. I think we got it! I got it before you said it but you said it so well. And wittily.