[calebsmark]

Hello,

In 1995 My Mother was sick and died. My Father did all he could to help her and not once mentioned putting her in a hospice.

Then about six months later a friend of his told him he had met a lady at a club that he should meet. I remember the story that she told him she was looking for a rich man with one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. They laughed about it but she was apparently a gold digger.

She worked for Goodyear tires and made steel belted radials as a job. She lived about an hour or more from Pinehurst NC where she and a friend would travel to go out at the Holiday Inn to meet some rich men. Well, my Dad's so called friend took him down there to meet her. Well they hit it off and started to date.
My Father one Thanksgiving suggested that he and I go out to this club to see if there was anything going on. Not mentioning to me that he had met someone we were going to see. Anyway we got dressed and went to the club and immediately he walked over to the bar where this lady was seated surrounded by several men. He introduced me and when she smiled at me she was missing a tooth in front and I was shocked. She was dressed in high style in sequins in black and with her hair all fixed up atop of her head. She had a friend with her who I sat with while my Dad and her danced to slow songs. Then I saw them kiss and I went straight to the bar and ordered a double vodka. I couldn't believe my eyes. When I returned to the table her friend leaned over to me and said the She's ( the woman dancing with my Father) was going to have that man.
Well, on the way home we followed them until we got off at our exit and my Dad thought that I would think they were newly introduced. I knew that they had been seeing each other for a while and didn't let on to him. I told friends of the family what she had said about having him and told them I didn't like her for those comments. She acted mean to me whenever I would go home and glare at me whenever she could without being seen by others in my family. I told her that she was being disrepectful to me and that she was always different and hard to figure out. She said that whenever I figure her out she would change again on me. I told her that I thought she was being that way to me because she didn't want me around but it wouldn't work because my Father was important to me and there is nothing that would keep me from seeing him. She also said that one of her sons in Florida was dead to her. When I asked Dad said leave it alone and recently they were talking about going down to visit the so called Dead son.who by the way wasn't dead at all. Just dead to her she says. Weird..
Several weeks passed and I went home again for a visit and Dad told me that she was very fast sexually with him but he liked her. Thanksgiving we had with her and her grown kids and grandkids in her double wide trailer. I couldn't believe it when at Christmas my Father without saying anything to me ahead of time proposed to her and asked her to marry him..
Well, I tried to be supportive and when they got married at our family church where my Mother was buried. I pulled out all the stops and catered the reception beautifully with silver chauffing dishes, homemade goodies and even decorated the wedding cake and made her bouquet. Also I rented a nice candle arch for the ceremony and the reception I decorated in white and purple.. It was beautiful.
At the reception she immediately took off her shoes and ran bare foot throughout the crowd of my deseased Mother and Father's classmate and friends. Eye brows raised for sure.
I tried to be supportive and polite and after all she is who my Dad wanted so out of respect I bit my tongue.
Now before she married my Dad she would go to the house each week and do all the laundry, mow the yard and even did my brother's laundry who lived next door and mowed his adjoining yard too. Who wouldn't like all that attention.
Then once she moved in she wanted all of my things out of the house because she said they are in her way. She doesn't even let me call my room my room anymore that's her grand\daughters room now not mine and corrects me each time I say anything about that room being mine. She says its her furniture... angrily
My Father told me that she wanted to move my stuff out and I had no place to put my high school stuff and momentos so he told me he was going to give me my Grandfather's farm house and land so I could move my stuff up there. So the next day we loaded up the stuff and moved it to the farm. I had several very expensive glass vases which I took very good care of because they were worth over $200 and during the move I discovered that the handles got broken off. I did not notice this until I moved them into the house and felt that she deliberately broke the handles. I didn't say anything about it and held my tongue.
While I swept out the house and Dad and I were inside.. she was mowing the yard outside and stayed separated from us.
When she came in finally she had several condescending remarks to make about how the house looked and it would take some real talent to fix up.
I am an interior decorator who was formerly with Ethan Allen and had won several awards and magazine covers from my work. So, I knew how to make it look good.. She asked my Father if she could fix it up but he declined her offers and said I could fix it the way I wanted it when I moved there.
That night when we got home I took a bath to clean up from the sweaty work and decided to take a tub bath. The first one in years that I had taken.. When I was in the soak and the room was quite I heard her walk by the door and down the hallway into the master bedroom. I heard her call someone and say that my Dad had given me the farm today, Damn it! I couldn't believe my ears and when I told my Father what I over heard her say he wouldn't believe it and accused me of starting trouble.. I swore on my Mother's grave to show him how truthful I was and he still refused to believe what I had heard her say. He defended her and said she would do anything for me that my own Mother would do.. ha ha what a joke.. to me...
So, at Thanksgiving that year she came up to me very sweetly and asked me if she and my Dad could fix up the house for ME?
Reluctantly I consented and said they had more money than me to restore the house and it would be all right. Well they did a super job and I was very proud of how the house turned out. Some things I would have done differently but I can change those later on.
Now, I worry about her staking claim on the million dollar property if my Father dies before her. She would leave me with nothing I feel by the way she acts.
Each time I go home after driving six or more hours to meet them for dinner she looks down at the floor when I come in and will not speak to me. I mention this to Dad and he says well, you never tried to get along with her before.
So, each time I go home seems to get worse. One time I went home and they were going to see her sick mother in the nursing home and I wanted to stay home. She said to me to behave and that she didn't want to leave me there that she didn't trust me.. in front of my Father. And he said nothing. So, by that statement I became curious on what it was she was hiding. Looking around in the kitchen I discovered a half gallon of Makers Mark under the sink hidden behind the pots and pans... I took pictures of this to have as proof if I ever needed it. My Father restricted Alcohol from being in the house and she was hiding it from him.. He would be very upset if he knew it was there. She also got him drinking wine occasionally and she would also have a beer now and then. The next morning she made a nice breakfast and proceeded to tell me what a worthless piece of s... I was and how I have made nothing of my life.. I was almost in tears and got up from the table saying to Dad that I couldn't believe he was letting her talk to me that way and got in my car and left for home. One time we had breakfast out and my Dad was handing me a $50 dollar bill and as he passed it to me she snatched it from his hand and stuffed in in her bra saying that's mine... I came back to Atlanta with $3. My Dad always fills my car with gas whenever I go home and since then slips me money and giftcards telling me not to say anything to her about it. Sometimes he is saying this as she is coming into hearing distance and I interrupt him just before she hears what he is saying.
Last year at Thanksgiving I went home and took a flat of pansies to set out for her and do something she liked and she noticed them but did not thank me. Also she didn't say 2 words to me that day and I retired to my old room at 3 pm and stayed there the rest of the night. I felt like a prisoner in my own home.. The next day was my Dad's birthday and we went to breakfast. On the way there all she could do was criticize my driving and when we sat down at the restaurant near where my Father grew up I asked her why she didn't talk to me yesterday on Thanksgiving, especially when I was asked to pray before the meal and I thanked God for her and her taking care of my Father? She stated that she was not kissing my a... and that I was praised my whole life for just being there. Then she stood up and beraded me and shook her finger in my face in front of over 50 people having breakfast and disrupted the entire place. I told her that my Mother would not appreciate how she was talking to me if she were here and she got louder and louder. She's a Leo. Dad is a Sagg and I am a Pieces.
I couldn't believe how she was acting and when my Dad reached for his wallet to pay. He was going to hand me the money she wrestled to get out of the corner and pay the bill instead saying I got it , I got it.
I said, I'll get it and she stood up and told me to sit my a... down. Shaking at this point I grabbed the bill and took it to the register myself and paid. When I returned to the table I slid the keys in her direction and told her she should drive since she's so much better at it than anyone else. Dad took the keys and said he would drive.
We got into the truck and several miles up the road she angrily said. Thanks for breakfast. I said you're welcome and reached my hand around to shake hers asking for a truce.. at first she glared mean as a snake at me and wouldn't touch my hand. I said, Daddy I am trying to shake hands with her and she won't. Then and only then did she grab my fingers and let go quickly.
After that we all had some casual conversation and I told her that I would help her put up the Christmas tree when we got home. She said, I got it. Dad suggested that she let me help get the tree out of the storage building at least.. she said all right... When we got home we were sitting outside and after a bit I asked about the tree and wanted to help get the things out of the storage building to help out.. then we worked together on getting the stuff out and I took the tree inside to the den and proceeded to put it up and worked nonstop for three hours until it was completely decorated. She said that she had never had anyone else do that for her before and I thought I was making some headway with her.
When I got home to Atlanta I called my Father to tell him I was home and he told me that I couldn't come up there starting trouble that she was sooo upset with the way I talked to her and was going to the doctor to get nerve medicine. So, for the first time I didn't go home for Christmas and spent it with friends here. I sent the gift to them and she mailed my gifts to me in a Clorox Bleach box. Since then I have kept in touch with my Father and dread going home again for her abuse. It stays in my head and I can't believe how unfair it is to me.
Now, last week my Father had knee replacement surgery and she called me unexpectedly to tell me he'd made it all right. I thanked he and told her to tell Dad that I love him and I love you too for calling me. I felt at ease for a few days and have since then spoken to her once when she answered the hospital phone. She seemed pensive with me and passed the phone to Dad as soon as possible. And Father's day is two weeks away and I am not looking forward to going all that way to put up with her bull..

Help me and please tell me how I can take control of this situation. I feel staying away is the best answer but I love my Dad and want to see him while he is still alive. He is 83 and she is 70.

What can I do?

[ma0641]

You can't "take control of this situation". Your father made a decision, apparently quite a while ago, that you are having a hard time with. As far as the "million $$ estate" it is up to your father and his will to decide what will happen. You are obviously not a child and should realize by now that adults make some decisions we have to question. At this point, not much you can do except to know that life doesn't always go "our" way.

[Chardel]

All you can do is make nice and ignore the rest...
I have a five year rule...
If the situation is going to affect you in five years, deal with it
If the situation is not going to affect you in five years the let it go.
This is how you need to look at life with your step mother... her critical opinion of your driving is not going to affect you tomorrow never mind five years from now so just smile sweetly and talk about something that she likes.
The million $$ farm... that is something that could affect your life. You need to talk to your Dad about that, not with her anywhere near you... that is something that should be kept between you and your Dad. When you know how he plans to distribute his estate then you will have the peace of mind knowing that either the farm will go to you or to her. You can't fight it but at least you will know and you will be able to distance yourself from it...
Just try to remember two things when dealing with her, one- the five year rule and two- you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

[calebsmark]

Thank you for the responses. I found them very informative.

Although I do wish I had signed my name anonymous instead of my real name. If others see this it would be easy to figure out these people and who they are and me too.

Please erase my name from the letter if you are letting others on the internet see it for their problems with wicked stepmothers.

Please put anonymous in the signature. I give you permission to delete my name from this letter.

Thank you...

[ma0641]

Hate to tell you but when you posted this first question, you were all over the world on the internet. We do not "let" others, it is open to anyone.

[calebsmark]

hate to tell you but when you posted this first question, you were all over the world on the internet. We do not "let" others, it is open to anyone.

Delete letter then

[ma0641]

Too late!