"Best friend" just an illusion?
Hi!
At the risk of sounding like a high school junior: I'm a grad student and last year became friends with someone in my class. To me he became my best friend here and I believe it must have meant something to him too. Actually, he is almost the brother that I never had and I think we both became very attached to each other. He helped me through some problems I had with the school's administration and some job concerns, as I am a person that worries A LOT about everyone and everything.
This year we moved in together and I think we're great room mates: we both keep the apt. clean and we hardly see each other in the apt as we stick to our rooms. Nevertheless he is always reserved and hardly ever seems to want to hang out anymore like last year. And when we do things together, we usually hang out with mutual friends. He doesn't talk to me generally when other friends are there. And he enjoys making fun of me for various things in front of our friends--and he only does it to me. I have no problem with rough jokes and humor but over the last semester I felt he was putting me down a lot. I've talked to him and he says nothing has changed. He knows how I feel about our friendship but he never said or showed that he even cared I exist in the past few months, while I try to go out of my way to do anything and everything for my friends.
A week ago I had enough when I needed his help organizing an event. He just had to drive me to a store to pick something up. I asked him the day before and he didn't really respond. I asked him at lunch if he could drive me and he smiled at me and said "maybe, I have important things to do." Thinking he was joking around again and not knowing what to say I laughed. He then said, "if you hadn't laughed it wouldn't have been a problem but now it is." I let it go but I asked again at night and he smiled at me and said "I told you I won't drive you." I knew he was not kidding because he had done this before. Apparently he considers it a dare when I don't beg him and fall for his jokes. And he didn't have anything to do that night, I know that for a fact.
So now I am trying not to talk to him and avoid him as much as possible. I don't know how long I can go on not talking to him because I miss him as a friend and it is becoming awkward around our mutual friends. But if I give in now, I'm afraid he'll continue treating me badly. At the same time he now has started ignoring me too and doesn't even seem to want to know why I am not talking to him. Maybe it's another dare for him and he wants to see who can do this longer. Other friends have told me that he isn't a friend and I need to cut ties if he's treating me badly at the same time I still care a lot for him and I don't want to lose his friendship (if there ever was one). I guess I just want him to make the first move (for the first time in this friendship) and show that he cares. Is that wrong? Should I give in and talk to him? Or should I just see how long it will take until we talk again? Do you think our friendship is just an illusion I've been having?
Thanks for any help and sorry this is so long...
Markus
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