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2ndTime · Nov 10, 2009, 01:42 PM

It's been few years that my daughter has spent the Thanksgiving day with other people. As an understanding mom, it was always the day before or the day after. Since, my boyfriend will be gone to another state to see his ailing mom (I know this because of his sister). I didn't want to spend Thanksgiving day by myself, so I asked her to join me with my son. However, she'd rather spend Thanksgiving with my other distant family. I have my own immediate family, but I just can't them picking at me about just about everything. I tried to dress like they wanted me to, I tried get a hair cut like they wanted me to, I tried act the way they wanted me to do; but as always the next day they would tell me what I did wrong. I am so fed up I don't want to spend another Thanksgiving day with them. However, it's been few years now that me and my kids have spent the Thanksgiving day together, I thought my daughter (19) would understand where I stand. Instead of understanding, she just told me flat out that it's not her problem and there's more food at the huge distant relative family gathering. For many years now because of the past social situation, I am to the mental breaking point. That's not the only thing since childhood, my daughter never really gave me a Birthday, Mother's Day, or even a Christmas Card. I am beginning to feel like I am not even her mom. It's like she's forgotten what we've been through together and what's I've gone through for her. I feel like I lost my family. Am I over reacting?

pipes12 · Nov 10, 2009, 01:47 PM

Hi there.. thats sad to hear.. stay online ill write u a quick soloution..

pipes12 · Nov 10, 2009, 01:51 PM

Hi there... I read your problem paragraph and I feel sad about it. However, lucky for you I have a great soloution. You don't need to worry about her just relax.. I understand how you feel about your daughter acting like you are nothing to her. But deep inside she loves you very much and you should know that. Don't u think if she didn't care about you she wouldn't talk to u? So just be nice to her.. respect her the way she wants to be and you will find that everythings fine!

2ndTime · Nov 10, 2009, 01:52 PM

I think my daughter was just making an excuse about the food because I told her I can cook Thanksgiving meal, but she still refused.

2ndTime · Nov 10, 2009, 01:54 PM

After that conversation, she had not picked up her phone.

pipes12 · Nov 10, 2009, 01:55 PM

Also... you are not losing her ! She is right there for you.. right beside you.. She knows you brought her up and as a child I know she will never forget it. If you really feel she's not acting as you want her to.. it could be because she has got her own stress at the moment and you need to give her time. Leave her for a while and she will respond to you herself if she cares. About the gifts, she might be having money difficuly or she might think you don't want to celebrate.. mother and daughters relationship is the strongest ever and nothing can break it. So take my advice and everything will be fine! For her birthday get her gifts and she might think about getting you one some time too.. remember she's your daughter and she loves u.

pipes12 · Nov 10, 2009, 01:57 PM

How exactly did she react about the food?

justcurious55 · Nov 10, 2009, 02:04 PM

Why do you let these people control you? If you're old enough to have a 19 year old daughter, you're old enough that you should know how to stick up for yourself. Who cares how they want you to dress or do your hair? Wear what you want. Do your hair how you want it. And put them in their place when they put you down. What business do they, or anyone else for that matter, have picking on you? None!

I don't know what your daughter's problem is. But at 19, if she's not living with you (I got the impression she is not), there's not much you can do. Invite her over. Let her know you love her and will always be there for her. And let her come to you on her own terms. You can't force a relationship with her. And trying to will only leave you being more hurt.

Do you have any close friends you can spend thanksgiving with instead? Or why don't you spend it with the distant family as well?

2ndTime · Nov 10, 2009, 03:12 PM

It's not I don't want to attend Thanksgiving with distant family. It's the afterward that I am concerned about. I don't want to hear from my immediate family about how I looked and how I acted. As far as my daughter, she's gotten many things that others in her situation couldn't get and more because my immediate family thinks it's best to spoil her. When I used to work, I've given her $300 every weekend, even though I couldn't even make the payment on the car because most of her friends parents spoiled therm. I don't want present, I just wanted her to write something acknowledging me that I am her mom. We do have pile of cards in the file cabinet. I never really asked her for anything other than this years Thanksgiving.

2ndTime · Nov 10, 2009, 03:17 PM

She's got many things for her Birthday, that others wouldn't even think about because of my family. At 18th birthday, my sister got her expensive Coash bag set. How's that compared to others at her age. Yes, she gets Birthday cards and cash.

2ndTime · Nov 10, 2009, 03:19 PM

Maybe she's just used to take advantage of mother's love. I guess, I am not going to put anymore effort because I am tired of putting effort and no response from her.

2ndTime · Nov 12, 2009, 11:18 AM

I think it's working. Yesterday, I had a conversation with her about her suggesting me get my eye brow tattoo done, but she couldn't make the time, so she called to apologize. However, I got a feeling she wanted to tell me that she loved me, but she couldn't muster up the courage. Maybe I have been too harsh and been too clingy at times.

justcurious55 · Nov 12, 2009, 01:13 PM

An eyebrow tattoo sounds painful! Is that something you want, for you? Or something you're being pressured into doing by your family?

I still say you need to learn to put your immediate family in their place. Their criticisms will never stop unless you say something. You need to learn to stand up for yourself.

2ndTime · Nov 13, 2009, 10:22 PM

I lost my real eyebrow couple of years ago. My eyebrow hairs started falling out. I had permanent make up eyebrow before (in 2000) and yes, it did hurt. However, that only lasted for about 6 months and just disappeared completely. So, I want to try tattooing eyebrow this time.