[143lostntrapt]

I'm 24 years old, been married to my husband for 6 years and for a long while now he changed, stopped showing affection that I crave and stopped having sex. Since then (4 years ago or so) I would go days even months without sex, I would tell him how much its important to me and his reasons would be he is tired or we'll do it tomorrow... but it would not happen. We met in high school and we were both virgins, fell in love and married young.
As the problems started happening and after failed communication things started to fall.

We were helping two of his buddies live with us as roommates for a little while - this ended up bad - I had a 6 month affair with one of them. After something hit me I told him and to make a long story short - he forgave me and begged me to not leave. So we made it work,, came back the affection and sex... then it simply vanished again. Some years passed and I would go months again without sex. I;m a very passionate and affectionate person and sex is very important to me... so it became harder and harder every day.

Basically within the time span I cheated on him two more times, and yet I regret it, it was just for sex and the affection that I lack... yet I found it in myself just about 6 months ago to tell him... he almost left, my mother was there for me and I was hysterical and in tears, she called him, somehow he came back but said it was for the sake of my mother.

After all the cheating I've done I feel like he will never be the same.. since the 6 months I've lost affection and love for him... I love him but I'm not in love with him.. or so it feels like it. I feel bad for him though... I don't know if divorce is the right path... but I haven't been happy.. I've lost a lot of weight and I cry everyday now.. I don't know what to do.. should I stay and be miserable or leave and hope he finds happiness and so do I?.

I don't know...
Also to add there's a girl who I feel is between my life with him (not that I feel he is cheating, not sure) but since high school she has F'ed with my life. I found evidence of him taking to her and pictures of her... when I comforted him he denied stuff and then yelled... the story always changes...

Her initials are CB, he has a tattoo on his arm with the same initials that he says is for his brothers and dad (the B stands for - brothers)... I don't know if he is lying sounds silly to me.. sometimes I feel he wants to be with her.

I'm seriously depressed and confused.. there's more to it but I think that's enough for now... please any advice would help..

Should I divorce?? I want to decide before this year ends to start fresh.
Thanks..


Sorry for any typos,. I tend to not think well when depressed.

[mishelly3]

I think you both should sit down and get out all of the dirt everything, I have a feeling you let some out. Try to be calm no yelling screaming even if he gets mad don't cry take a deep breath a keep on. Try to talk, try to see what he is feeling and you know he is wondering he is feeling the same.. But before all this you need to ask yourself a question, Do you want to stay with him? And Why? You have been unfaithful so many times I question your motives. If the answers are yes and he in favor of it all GET HELP.. Find a great counselor, pastor some one that can get you two on the right path, it will take some time so be patient but the rewards will be awesome.

[KBC]

I believe you have dug a pit and are looking for a way out which doesn't hurt.

You made your bed,and slept in it with people other than your husband,shame on you!

If you expect sympathy from people in here,you got another thing coming.

Look at the relationships section in AMHD and tell those people writing in about how bad you feel for cheating on your spouse ,why? because you needed sex?

And now you are commenting about HIM CHEATING ON YOU,Good for him! Turn about is fair play.

There is no way,in my opinion,you will resolve this trust issue,neither one of you can be trusted!

Get a divorce,learn from this mistake of commitment,and don't repeat this behavior.

KBC

[simoneaugie]

No, not shame on you. You are human and endlessly forgivable, so is he. Years ago I divorced a man because of lack of sex. Yes, I cheated too. Shame had nothing to do with it. Shame can eat a person alive.

Be honest and tell yourself the truth. The two of you are mismatched. If you continue to try and make it work... That's shameful. Divorce. Start fresh with everything you have learned so far.

[hollylovesbrandon]

Wow. I can't believe he didn't leave you. He must really care for you. I hope you are ashamed of your escapades because you should be. Although I understand your "reasons" it still doesn't make it right. If you don't sit down and talk to him NOW then I am afraid it might be the end of the relationship. You two have spent too much time not talking and communicating the way you should. It's going to be difficult. It's going to be emotional. But it's necessary. And from the way it sounds... you might not want it to continue. If that is the case, you still need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. Just walking out without saying a word is never the answer. The answer is in your heart. You already know what you want to say. Just sit him down and say it. It's been needing to be done for quite some time.