[247112134]

Hello about 2 years ago I met a coworker she is 33 I am 45 I really didn't even think about it much but as time went on I realized I really liked this lady.anyway we talked nicely etc and when xmas came 2 years ago she jokingly said what am I getting her .I ended up getting her a little gift slippers is what she was looking for ,OK as time went on I really started to fall I would say very hard so in October it was her birthday I made her a very nice card and gave her a gift card of her choice she really liked it now let me say by this time I am absolutely overwhelmed with my feelings it may sound dumb but I can honestly say I believe I am and or want nothing more than to fall in love with her so when hannuka came I made her another card and got her a cd that she had wanted forever but its very hard to find OK then xmas came and I gave her some gifts and made her a card let me say though I all ways kept out any love or roses etc and wrote a nice saying about things I admire about her .and I allways am doing things for her we work in a large building so I allways save her the time by getting her check and weekly schedule for her etc.anyway one of our bosses tried to set us up and without me even knowing she tried to set her up with me and her reply was he to nice of a guy and she also says she's gay but that's all note really clear although I do know her supposed partner they do live together but a close friend of mine who knows the girls well says the lady I am interested in isn't really lesbian .anyway the lady I am after told me she was lesbian and every time I have ever given her anything she allways says to me I'm going to get her in trouble needless to say I don't ever sign these cards etc and to my surprise she tells me she keeps them all .so puttin everything else aside and I really didn't go into much detail about all the other cards and nice things I do for her .she asked me for help with writing a letter for her sister who had a stroke and just as we were very close to getting help she just kind of like backed away it was weird she wanted this info but didn't want to talk to me about it ?as if we were going to get to close let me just ask you guys this whenever I try not to bother her or anything somehow she comes to talking to me or asking my opinion on something etc .now I can't lie to you I want nothing more than to get to know her but a few months back she told me she can't be close friends with someone who has feelings for her so around that time I asked her if she wanted me to stay away and her answer was surprising she said no .and also when I would give her her weekly schedule I sometimes would write a nice saying or something in there and she told me I was getting to personal with her and I have to say it wasn't any love thing it might be just a nice saying or gesture so I asked her if she wanted me to stop doing the weekly thing for her and she said no she liked it because it made her feel special ?now needless to say you know dam well to me she's the most special lady on the planet of course ky heart skips at the thought of seeing her and melts in the sight of her and I guess my eyes give me away because when she sees me looking her way she somehow makes eye contact but the looks away .so here's a question for you all she knows I like her a lot is she just playing me because I show her how special she is where no one else does by the things I say and do or is she playing me like a fool because she knows she can ?I mean if she says to me do I have an asprin she knows I got a pack in my pocket for her or within about 5 minutes there will be one in her hand and that goes with about anything else like that asprin .bandaids .gum.candy smokes etc.or then there's this one believe me when I say this I trully believe this is a fine human being she never insults people puts them down etc is it possible that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings because I think she knows it will destroy me so that's why she doesn't let me get closer to her .let me say that if I didn't have feelings for her believe me we would be great friends and I know it we have a lot in common we work very well together we see life in the same way etc she says were too much alike and I think she thinks I'm just to nice of a guy to be with her at least that's what she told our boss that tried to set us up and she jokingly said to me she doesn't want to see me jump of the roof so let me ask what do you guys think my one boss said to me maybe I should not do anything special for her for a while and see how see reacts .thats just one women's point of veiw or is it I just don't have a shot with her because she's in this relationship with the other girl I know she loves her as a person but like I said the lesbian thing is still up in the air and the girl is somewhat young she's 22 .how do I know if I will ever have a shot with the woman who I believe could very well be the woman of my dreams .let me just say that for a year I tried to talk myself outa this but ut didn't work I have feelings for her that I honestly didn't even kknew could exist in a human being someone please give me some sort of real advice and ladies please let me know what you think I really can't figure her out and the fact that I'm writtin this here proves this is no game or little crush I have its as real as real gets and its really driving me crazy let me say that sleeping at night doesn't exist anymore and I trully think about her constantly should I tell her how I feel even thogh I'm sure she knows but maybe not as sincere it is and I am afraid to make things even more uneasy at work .god someone please help me

[ylaira]

as if we were gonna get to close let me just ask you guys this whenever i try not to bother her or anything somehow she comes to talking to me or asking my opinion on something etc .now i can't lie to you i want nothing more than to get to know her but a few months back she told me she can't be close friends with someone who has feelings for her so around that time i asked her if she wanted me to stay away and her answer was suprising she said no

You're very much torturing urself. Stay away from her for now and see if ur existence really matters to her. Too much available people are less valued.

[JBeaucaire]

You seem to want to act like her lesbianism isn't a REAL issue. That's pretty weird. Just because YOU like her doesn't change reality, but, well, never mind, let's set that aside for a moment.

Lesbianism/sexual preference aside... you are actively pursuing a person who is in a committed relation with another person. It sounds like they're actually living together. You don't see what you're doing as evil? Not in the least?

So if you were married or living with this girl yourself, you'd find the advances and attentions of others a welcome and wonderful thing?

You're SO deluding yourself over this girl it's painful to even read.

YES, she likes you or likes the attention you give her. So what? "You're going to get me in trouble" I believe means "....with my mate."

Courting other people's wives/girlfriends is EVIL. It reflects directly on you. Your feelings of attraction are more important than right/wrong? No, what you're actively doing should stop and stop immediately.

Tell her of your interest, but THAT'S IT. No more gifts, no more courting, no more disparaging her private life as if it were irrelevant. I bet she and her girlfriend don't find it the least bit irrelevant.

Seriously, dude, character is what you do, not what you feel. Make some nobler choices.

[JBeaucaire]

POSTED AT WRITER'S REQUEST:

Originally a private message to JBeaucaire:

hello first off all thank you vey much for your response i trully am very thankful.

May i start off with please don't think that the lesbianism thing isnt real to me. It is the reason i may have come off with me sounding like its not is only because we have a mutual friend he is actually her best friend and she told him she wasn't.

I really didnt phrase myself well i guess and im not a good writter. I in all honestly didnt mean to sound like her private life was irrevelant thats not the kind of person i am honestly thank you for bringing that to my attention. It was just that back about a year ago when i would ask her what she was doing etc and would say would she like to meet me somwhere she would decline but would allways say to me "one day i might take you up on it" and at the time her now partner worked with us.

Most importantly to be honest with you i am ashamed of myself for maybe not realizing that it may be a more serious relationship than it seemed to me and most of all i would have to say if i knew someone was in serious relationship theres no way in hell i would be a jerk and even go for something like that. You're right, its evil and its not me, so thank you for bringing that to my attention.

I feel like a complete fool but please let me say it wasnt done intentionally. It was pure blindness. I guess because of all the feelings and emotion in me i feel for her and in all honesty the gifts etc. I really allways thought her partner knew about them. Like i said complete blindness and foolishness.

I do wanna say that there's alot i didn't write about in the question that may have explained myself better but i do understand that's still not the point here.

I just wanna say that if she may have let me talk to her back when this first happened it may have been different i reaaly just wanted to let her know how special i thought she was its really all i ever wanted to do.

I gotta say what really took me over was the thought if you feel something so strong do you just let it go unsaid or do you tell someone how deeply they have touched your heart and soul? I would have to say i never felt this before, so, to be honest with you, i got tears of shame and pure sadness coming down from my eyes (please dont insult me for it ) unless its a lesson i can learn from?

I want to say i actually hope to hear back from you but if not i can't thak you enough for the reply and most of all thanks for the comment on character it is so true, and i do believe fully in your last comment becuase besides this situation i do believe in the saying "be right in your own life" and let them see and admire it on their own.

Once again jb thanks for the reply i guess as you saw im just lost with this situation thanks for some eye opening opinons

I actually hope this reply gets somehow posted so others can see that i dont think someones lifestyle is irrelevant or that im evil etc yes i am and was foolish and blindly overwhelmed with such a feeling of emotion

As i said, I sincerely appreciate your reply.

It's always tough being a grownup, isn't it? I remember my first two loves occurred when I was a teenager and that's the only thing I really had to deal with, it was so all-encompassing. Ugh! I, too, was a bit blind over love during that period.

Fortunately, my next two I had a LOT more going on. It was much easier to finally learn how to make it all fit together and make a go of it.

Man, there is so much, isn't there?

Anyway, I'm glad you're ready to treat her a little more honestly, and I'm not talking about your feelings. Feel free to mention your attraction, but you DO have to stay the course on the other important basics... like only dating single women, and perhaps one's that are clear in their sexual preference.

Although basic, it appears she may be consistent on neither issue right now. Tread with care.

[confused1145]

Give her a little space. You don't want to lose a good friend in the process. Sounds like she wants only friendship with you right now. If you give her some space she may eventually come around.