[peggyhill]

Ok, here's the deal! I am 23, healthy as far as I know. I am going to the doctor soon to have a little breast lump looked at. I actually don't even know if it's a lump or not. My friend thinks it is nothing. But, better to be safe than sorry, right? Over the last year, I have been, I'm afraid, overacting greatly to some minor health issues. First, a spider bit my ear and a hard lump grew there. The doctor said it was a cyst, don't worry. I obsessed for a year about what if it is a cancerous lump, what if he was wrong etc. Then, it went away on its own over a week or so. The next thing was my eyes, I was sure I had glaucoma. The eye doctor said I was fine. Then it was leukemia. I was sure I had it. I had a swollen lymph node in my neck and felt a little sick. I also had some little bruise stops on my arms. I went to the doc, and I was fine. Just a cold. I obsessed over that forever. The swelling went away and I was fine. Then, I thought I had a black spot on my gum. This time when I went to the dentist, he looked at me like I was crazy and said "There is NOTHING there, black or otherwise." It was just a little vein. Now I think I have this breast lump. My boyfriend and my best friend say I am nuts. They don't feel anything there except normal tissue. I have an appointment made to have it looked at. I keep thinking I have these diseases I don't have. Last year SEVEN people who were very close to me died. (different times, not all at once like in a car wreck or something). I can't help but wonder if I haven't gotten over their deaths. Could that be why I worry about dying so much? I think about whatever symptom I think I have about every 20 min. I've been like this for a year. I've run up huge medical bills that I just now paid off- all for nothing. One of my doctors told me to quit coming back if I was going to make stuff up. I think he though I was a junkie trying to get pain pills or something! That's not what I am at all, I just really worry all the time about my health. What should I do? My boyfriend says he will break up with me if I don't stop this. I have no medical insurance, no family, no college degree and my worst fear is to get a horrible disease and not get treatment because of my lack of insurance. Could this fear be making me think I am sick when I'm not? Is it possible to actually imagine symptoms? Everyone tells me that's what I am doing. My boss told me never to talk to her about this "made- up stuff" again unless I have a paper from a doctor saying I have a disease. (I was only talking to her for moral support, not trying to get time off work or anything like that. She's just a good friend too.) What do you guys think? Am I a hypochondriac? What kind of help can I get for it with no money? Please don't be mean or make fun of me in your answers. So many people are mean to me already about this and other stuff. I really want to stop being this way. Also, whenever I hear about a disease, I think I have it. Like when Gaurdasil came out and was in the papers, I was 100 % convinced I had HPV. I went to the doctor-nothing. Now it's breast cancer awareness month, I think I have breast cancer. It's like I think I have WHATEVER I hear about. Am I crazy? Please help!

[firmbeliever]

Are You a Hypochondriac?
SELF-TEST FOR HYPOCHONDRIA

Try these tests until someone knowledgeable answers your question.

[peggyhill]

Well, the self-test says I do! Thank you so much for letting me know about that! I suppose I should try to get some help for it. I'm not sure where to go, but at least I know what I'm most likely dealing with. I'm still going to get the imaginary? Lump checked out. But, it's good to know I overact! Thanks again!

[firmbeliever]

Hypochondria : Health Information Online Library : Your Health : Resurrection Health Care

Try this link too.

Panic Attacks, Anxiety Disorders, Treatment, Forums, Blog

[ordinaryguy]

Last year SEVEN people who were very close to me died. (different times, not all at once like in a car wreck or something). I can't help but wonder if I haven't gotten over their deaths. Could that be why I worry about dying so much?

I think this might be the key to it, especially if you weren't like this before. Try to find a bereavement support group, or a counselor who does grief therapy. This is a fairly common response to bereavement, especially if it isn't being dealt with consciously.

[peggyhill]

Well, I appreciate your answers. They really do help. I have made an appointment to see a counselor at my mother-in-law's church. I already know her and think that she will be a good person to talk to. I think ordinaryguy is right, I probably haven't got over the last year. My grandma died horribly of cancer last spring and it was really hard to watch. I have had some weird things going on with me body over the last year, but they all turned out to be nothing. And, I see a doctor regularly and try to have a healthy lifestyle, so I think I am on track health-wise. Also, it's good to know that it's common to feel like this when people die. I work two jobs, and am so busy that I think that I never had time to grieve. I have only cried two times about my grandma, and I probably need to do more of that. Well, I'm supposed to meet with the counselor Wednesday, so I think that will help! I often feel alone, because I don't have family left, and I think meeting with someone regularly will make me feel like I have some support. And, she's even meeting with me for free, which is awesome because I know she is really busy. She's been a therapist for 25 years, so I'm sure she's heard this kind of stuff before and has good advise. Thanks again for taking the time to help out! God bless!

[firmbeliever]

Peggy,
Do feel free to come here and share about your grandma and her good times with you.

We would love to hear about you and help you in anyway we can to let go and find your peace.

[peggyhill]

Thanks so much, firmbeliever. I would like to do that-my grandma was a wonderful lady. I don't have time right now, I'm at work, but I'll have to do that sometime. You guys are great!

[ordinaryguy]

I'm so glad that you have decided to get some help with the grieving process. I'm sure being so busy, working two jobs and all, has kept you somewhat distracted from a lot of the important inner work that "good grief" entails. It does involve a certain amount of pain, that's true, but the long-run payoff is in a greater capacity for empathy and compassion for all who suffer such losses. Since such things happen to everybody sooner or later, the longer you live, the more opportunities you will have to use these gifts.