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julsmarie · Jun 25, 2012, 10:45 AM

My 161/2 daughter ran away from her fathers home he has primary custody. There were many things leading up to her leaving but after working with her therapist she is adamant about not ever going back to live with him.
I live 350 miles away and went and picked her up. She left 13 days before finishing her sophomore year but I was able to put her in summer school for 2 weeks and she completed her sophomore year with A's.
She won't talk to her father or have anything to do with him. She left her mouth retainer behind. Her teeth are hurting and her dad will not send it until she talks to him. They have been playing phone tag. Regardless he is holding her retainer hostage until she talks to him and he knows how bad her mouth is hurt.
I have never seen my daughter have so much anger and pain. She says she hates him and I can't get her to call him. In the mean time I am paying child support and have no idea about what my next move is. Money is a huge issue as far as lawyers go. But I have to do something. This man has made my life hell ever since he won custody. He has controlled every conversation and letter my daughter and I have ever shared. What do I do, he still pushes my buttons but I need the child support I pay him for my daughter. This was all done in Lane County in Eugene OR. I now live in Umatilla county. Help what do I do to protect my daughter from having to go back and how do I modify child support order.

smoothy · Jun 25, 2012, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by julsmarie

My 161/2 daughter ran away from her fathers home he has primary custody. There were many things leading up to her leaving but after working with her therapist she is adamant about not ever going back to live with him.
I live 350 miles away and went and picked her up. She left 13 days before finishing her sophmore year but I was able to put her in summer school for 2 weeks and she completed her sophmore year with A's.
She won't talk to her father or have anything to do with him. She left her mouth retainer behind. Her teeth are hurting and her dad will not send it until she talks to him. They have been playing phone tag. Regardless he is holding her retainer hostage until she talks to him and he knows how bad her mouth is hurt.
I have never seen my daughter have so much anger and pain. She says she hates him and I can't get her to call him. In the mean time I am paying child support and have no idea about what my next move is. Money is a huge issue as far as lawyers go. But I have to do something. This man has made my life hell ever since he won custody. He has controlled every conversation and letter my daughter and I have ever shared. What do I do, he still pushes my buttons but I need the child support I pay him for my daughter. This was all done in Lane County in Eugene OR. I now live in Umatilla county. Help what do I do to protect my daughter from having to go back and how do I modify child support order.

You do what the court ordered done... unless of course you would rather be in contempt.

That means continue to pay, until directed to do otherwise byt the court... Fathers have to live to that standard every day... and the only way to change it is hire a lawyer and go through the court.

And reading the tone in your post (its got more tone than content)... I hardly doubt your ex was the only person with issues, or wrong on many levels and if you don't think that bleeds over to affect the kids.. you are mistaken. I see your daughter as having been used as a pawn over your personal problems with the father... and he might have actually had a part in this as well for all I know.

ScottGem · Jun 25, 2012, 11:01 AM

He can have you arrested for violation of the custody order. So you NEED to go to court immediately and ask for an emergency custody hearing. The problem is you have to do this in Lane County since that has jurisdiction.

As part of the request for custody you can ask for a temporary suspension of the support order.

You don't need an attorney to do this, but it will help. Otherwise you have to tell your daughter that hse has to go back until you can get the custody order changed.

AK lawyer · Jun 25, 2012, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

.... Otherwise you have to tell your daughter that hse has to go back until you can get the custody order changed.

And tell her that, if she will tell you what the issue is all about, it may help. Or, if she feels that for whatever reason she cannot confide in you, it might be possible to get a guardian ad litem appointed for her.