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Thinkaboutit · Feb 15, 2015, 07:32 AM

I'm not to sure how to have a conversation with me da about getting birth control. I'm a bit worried he might flip out on me, I would ask me mum but she lives in a different state so no help there and me step mum doesn't really like me. I'm just not sure how to even start that conversation with him. I'm not sure if I even need me dad to go to the doctors with me I've always gone with him or me mum.

Cat1864 · Feb 15, 2015, 08:42 AM

Having read your other threads/posts, I have to ask why you are wanting it. Since you are 15, this is a very serious question.

With all of your other issues, I am really hoping you are not adding the possibility of becoming a parent. If this is about being sexually active, you need to remember that no form of birth control is 100% effective. It only reduces the chance of pregnancy. It does not eliminate it.

Thinkaboutit · Feb 15, 2015, 10:14 AM

I want to ask me dad for birth control because I have a boyfriend and I'm not sexually active yet but I'd like to be prepared. He wants to do more and I know no form of birth control is 100% so I thought it would be better if I was on the pill or something.

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2015, 01:02 PM

First, in most places your boyfriend could be arrested for having sex with you. Second, as you area aware no form of birth control is 100% effective, so if you do not want to get pregnant, do not engage in sexual intercourse.

Since there is no medical requirement for you to use birth control, I can't imagine your dad approving it. And even asking him could cause serious issues for your boyfriend.

DoulaLC · Feb 15, 2015, 01:24 PM

Your boyfriend wants to do more, but do you? One of the hardest things for young women can be to say no to their boyfriend because they fear that the boyfriend will leave them if they don't become more intimate. If having sex with a guy is what keeps them around... and it often is, for awhile anyway, than are they really worth having as a boyfriend?

It can be difficult to think of it that way because no young person, and even many older people, want to risk partner leaving, and often no one thinks their boyfriend would behave that way, but they aren't willing to take the chance by putting it to the test.

It would be extremely rare if you were to become pregnant that your boyfriend would stick around to help you out. Again, no one thinks it would happen to them that way, but it does happen, and it happens often enough to make it the most likely outcome.

Do not equate sex with love. Your boyfriend may suggest that if you truly loved him, you would have sex with him. In reality, if he truly loved and cared about your well being ( pregnancy at a young age carries more risk), then he would not push for sex.

Give it some very careful consideration. IF you go ahead with it, your boyfriend should also wear a condom for even more protection. Again, you would find out quickly how much he really cares by his response.

Alty · Feb 15, 2015, 04:29 PM

Remember the many talks we've all had with you on your threads about taking things slow, walking the straight and narrow, no longer doing things that cause problems in your life and your home life, regaining your dads trust?

Do you think that asking your dad if you can go on birth control so you can have sex with your boyfriend (you must have just met him because he wasn't in the picture the last time you posted which wasn't that long ago), is a good way to regain your dads trust?

You're 15, how old is this guy, how long have you two been dating, why the rush to become sexually active?

Being prepared is fine, once you've been in a relationship with someone for a year or more, then talking about having sex is a natural conversation to have. That doesn't mean you should, especially at your age. Right now I'd tell him that you're too young to have sex, that you want to get to know him better, date for a longer time, before you take this very important step.

If he leaves because you won't have sex with him, then you know what he really wants from you, and it's not a relationship. Don't let guys use you, you're worth more than that!

Thinkaboutit · Feb 16, 2015, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

Remember the many talks we've all had with you on your threads about taking things slow, walking the straight and narrow, no longer doing things that cause problems in your life and your home life, regaining your dads trust?

Do you think that asking your dad if you can go on birth control so you can have sex with your boyfriend (you must have just met him because he wasn't in the picture the last time you posted which wasn't that long ago), is a good way to regain your dads trust?

You're 15, how old is this guy, how long have you two been dating, why the rush to become sexually active?

Being prepared is fine, once you've been in a relationship with someone for a year or more, then talking about having sex is a natural conversation to have. That doesn't mean you should, especially at your age. Right now I'd tell him that you're too young to have sex, that you want to get to know him better, date for a longer time, before you take this very important step.

If he leaves because you won't have sex with him, then you know what he really wants from you, and it's not a relationship. Don't let guys use you, you're worth more than that!

Of corse I remember all the talks you'll have had with me on this site I do value everyone's advice especially seeing as I have no one else to ask. I don't know if asking me dad to go on birth control is going to help with the whole trust issue, and I don't really want him to know I have a boyfriend at the moment. But it would probably be better to talk to him about it wouldn't it. It would be easier if I had me mum here kind of awkward with me dad. Me boyfriend is 17 we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks I'm not really in a rush to have sex but I thought it takes a while for the pill to work. I don't understand why he could be arrested. I don't know I'm confused I really like him a lot and I like being with him.

Cat1864 · Feb 16, 2015, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

Of corse I remember all the talks you'll have had with me on this site I do value everyone's advice especially seeing as I have no one else to ask. I don't know if asking me dad to go on birth control is going to help with the whole trust issue, and I don't really want him to know I have a boyfriend at the moment. But it would probably be better to talk to him about it wouldn't it. It would be easier if I had me mum here kind of awkward with me dad. Me boyfriend is 17 we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks I'm not really in a rush to have sex but I thought it takes a while for the pill to work. I don't understand why he could be arrested. I don't know I'm confused I really like him a lot and I like being with him.

The age of consent is 17 for all sexual acts. Doing anything sexual with him could put him in jail.

I think you should talk to your father. However I also think you need to slow down if you are already preparing to have sex with this male.

If you aren't ready to be a parent or to make very difficult adult decisions should pregnancy occur, don't put yourself in the position of playing adult games.

With your father's permission dating is okay. If you are still trying to rebuild the trust and show him that you can make better decisions than you have in the past, do not hide this from him. You do not want to make matters worse by adding deception and lying into the mix. You also do not want him finding out on his own. It would definitely prove you aren't to be trusted. But we know you can make good decisions and be trusted if you really want to, don't we?

J_9 · Feb 16, 2015, 08:01 AM

I want to talk about the pregnancy issue.

I took birth control faithfully, used condoms AND spermicide. All used properly. I got pregnant. Not once, but twice.

Fast forward a few years and I was no longer getting my periods. I was still taking birth control AND hormones. Doctor told me there was no way I could get pregnant, if I wanted more babies I would have to adopt. Guess what. I got pregnant. Again.

Fast forward a few more years. I had cancer and had to have chemotherapy. The chemo was so strong that it would make me sterile. Forever, never another baby for me. That was 17 years ago. Guess what. I have a 13 year old. You do the math. Yes, I had another baby.

Luckily I was married when I had my children. You are too young to get married or have children.

My point is that if you are not ready to be a parent. Don't have sex.

I deliver babies. That's my job. You don't even want me to get into the health risks of being pregnant at your age.

talaniman · Feb 16, 2015, 08:16 AM

Take a small step and ask your dad about dating, then let him meet your boyfriend, then maybe you both can talk birth control later. Your issues so far have been about making bad decisions and going behind your dad's back with bad impulsive behavior. That has destroyed your dad's trust in your decision making, and actions, as well as caused a lot of pain and frustration to you both, so talk to him honestly about dating, and this new boyfriend, before it gets more complicated and involved.

So far you have squandered every chance to do things the right way, so think this time, and find the right thing to do, before you act on impulse, anger, and your own fear.

J_9 · Feb 16, 2015, 08:59 AM

Another issue that Cat brought up is the legality of sex. In your location of the world, the legal age of consent is 17. Since you are 15, any sexual act is illegal and can be charged as rape even if you agree to it. If you have sex with this boy he can go to jail and be labeled as a sex offender for the rest of his life. Is that what you want?

ScottGem · Feb 16, 2015, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

Of corse I remember all the talks you'll have had with me on this site I do value everyone's advice especially seeing as I have no one else to ask. I don't know if asking me dad to go on birth control is going to help with the whole trust issue, and I don't really want him to know I have a boyfriend at the moment. But it would probably be better to talk to him about it wouldn't it. It would be easier if I had me mum here kind of awkward with me dad. Me boyfriend is 17 we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks I'm not really in a rush to have sex but I thought it takes a while for the pill to work. I don't understand why he could be arrested. I don't know I'm confused I really like him a lot and I like being with him.

Really? If you do remember all you have been told, how can you even ask such a question? Are you that naïve that you think your dad is going to trust you if you tell him you want to have sex with your boyfriend of a few weeks? Do you think it will help your trust issues that you haven't told him right upfront that you are dating someone?

And as noted, you are under the age of consent so he could be charged with rape if he has sex with you.

Thinkaboutit · Feb 16, 2015, 02:22 PM

I didn't know about the age of consent thing, I don't want to get him in trouble. I just thought I was trying to do the right thing by asking me dad about birth control because he wanted to do more. I didn't exactly want to tell me dad can I get birth control because I want to have sex with me boyfriend. I'm not even sure that I wanted to, now I definitely don't. I haven't told me dad about my boyfriend because he told me a while ago he didn't care what I do anymore, but I guess it would be the right thing to do if I ask him if I can date someone.

Thinkaboutit · Feb 16, 2015, 11:33 PM

I took all your advice and spoke to me dad about dating he said I wasn't aloud to date anyone especially not a 17 year old. I lied and told him that I'm not dating anyone that a boy just asked me probably shouldn't have lied but didn't want to get in trouble, anyway guess I have to break up with him now. Thank you for the advice could have really messed up with me dad if I did ask him about birth control when he won't even let me date anyone suppose he really didn't mean it when he said he didn't care what I do anymore. Parent are so complicated

DoulaLC · Feb 17, 2015, 02:53 AM

You are smart to break up with this guy... please be sure that you do; don't let yourself get talked into changing your mind. You have to take care of you! I know it's nice to have a guy like you, but you have a BIG red flag warning you to stay away. You said that you've only been seeing him for two weeks... and he is already pushing for sex! At 17, he is more interested in having sex than having a relationship. You can be certain that he will go on to have sex with the next girl that he can.

You're right, your dad didn't really mean it when he said that he didn't care what you did. Of course he does... he was just frustrated and tired of the situation because he couldn't get you to understand how important you are to him and that he wants to keep you safe. You are starting to see that and understand.

ScottGem · Feb 17, 2015, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by Thinkaboutit

I just thought I was trying to do the right thing by asking me dad about birth control because he wanted to do more.

No, the RIGHT thing to do was tell your boyfriend that you are too young for sexual intimacy. And if you are trying to regain your father's trust, lying to him is not the way to do it.

J_9 · Feb 17, 2015, 08:12 AM

Warning! Warning!

You are trying to regain the trust of your father, but you lied to him. Way to go!

Haven't you learned anything that we have been trying to teach you?

The RIGHT thing to do would have been to tell this horny boy that you aren't in a position to date right now because you have some family issues you are working on and having a relationship is not possible right now.

Your father may say he doesn't care, but I promise you he does. His problem is that you don't LISTEN! He is so frustrated with you he doesn't know what else to do with you. You whine, complain, lie, etc.

I can tell you that you are pretty lucky having a dad like him. If you were my daughter you would think your life was torture because of your behavior.

J_9 · Feb 17, 2015, 09:00 AM

You think it's hard to be 15? Consider how hard it is to be a parent to a child who is as disrespectful as you are.

We try to teach our children how to be responsible adults, but children like you make it so hard. Sometimes painful. You think he enjoys placing these limits on you? It hurts him to the core.

Guess what princess, we were all 15 once. We know all of the tricks you try to pull. We aren't blind idiots.

If you were my kid you would be visiting a labor unit to see how painful having a baby would be.

If you were my kid, you would be visiting jails because you are headed that way.

If you were my kid, you would be visiting rehab facilities because of your drug use.

If you were my kid, you would be visiting homeless shelters.

To to you that may seem overly dramatic, but I want my child to be a productive member of society and so does your father.

You are headed down the wrong path and, until you change your thinking, you are doomed to a life of self inflicted pain and torture.

Wondergirl · Feb 17, 2015, 09:46 AM

Thinkaboutit, my sister was at our mom's house last fall and cleaned out the attic for her. My sis then distributed/mailed any personal stuff to each of us siblings. She sent me a big box containing school awards, my h.s. diploma, yearbooks, an autograph book, report cards back to second grade, AND, the shocker, my teenage diary.

Accordiing to what I had written in that diary, I was a sucker for what I thought was love. I listened to love songs by current singers (Johnny Mathis and Pat Boone were favorites) and sighed with longing for a boyfriend. I was hungry for guys' attention and wanted a special guy in my life to treasure me and make a fuss over me and consider me the center of his world. I wasn't allowed to date but could go on supervised trips with my church's youth group. Thankfully, now that I look back, I didn't sneak around behind my parents' back. And I did find someone a few years later when I was in college and married him two days after graduation. We were both virgins (yeah, I know what you're thinking -- this was back in 1967, the dark ages). I'm glad I had obeyed my parents and let things work out in their own time.

That's my message to you. Obey your dad. Don't sneak around behind his back. Value your virginity as a very special gift to give someday to the guy whom you love with all your heart and want to spend your life with. Yeah, I'm old enough to be your granny, but self respect still matters in every generation. I've read all your posts and threads, and have the highest hopes that you will come out of this as a strong and honest and moral young woman. And you have us here rooting for you!

Thinkaboutit · Feb 17, 2015, 11:17 AM

I am trying to change, if I'm being disrespectful to me dad I don't mean to be. If it's the right thing to do I will tell me dad that I lied don't want to cause any more problems. I was just scared he would be mad after reading all your post I realised I probably should have talked with me dad first instead of just doing it anyway, suppose I just made things worse by not being honest in the first place. I don't know how to change my thinking, but I do realise now that I should talk to me dad before I make anymore big decisions. I just didn't think having a boyfriend was a big deal I can see how I was wrong now too complicated. I'm trying to do what I think is right go to school all the time, I work after school and on weekends, I take me medication everyday, I don't drink or take drugs anymore I've passed all the drug test Ive had too, I'm doing the counselling they all want me to and I'm helping out more at home without being yelled at too. I don't really know what else to do.